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RLW1
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Re: Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
quote:
Apogee wrote:
Can I use your bathroom? :roar:
Why don't you and McDudes little man save the septic and go out behind a tree???
---
Love the Crystal Clear Lake and Fresh Mountain Air
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3/14/2006, 4:15 pm
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mcdude
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IRISH JOKES
An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!" The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?" The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken." The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves." The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?" "Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, "Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me." The Father said, "Tell me who the lady was." The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did.
"Was it Mollie O'Grady ?" asked the Father."
"No."
"Was it Rosie Kelly?"
"No."
"Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?"
"No."
"Well then," said the Father, "You'll not be forgiven."
When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you find forgiveness." "No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"
<<<IRISH JOKES & ONE LINERS>>>
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3/15/2006, 7:34 pm
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oldhickory
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Re: Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
Guiness Surger
Puts a perfect head on your Guinness.
---
"Carved on these walls is the story of America, of a continuing quest to preserve both democracy and decency, and to protect a national treasure that we call the American dream."
- President George Bush
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3/16/2006, 12:21 am
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oldhickory
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Re: Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
Guinness 1759 Society application
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"Carved on these walls is the story of America, of a continuing quest to preserve both democracy and decency, and to protect a national treasure that we call the American dream."
- President George Bush
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3/16/2006, 12:23 am
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jscott
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A Toast or three for Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.
------------------------------------------------------------
A toast to your coffin.
May it be made of 100 year old oak.
And may we plant the tree together, tomorrow.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Friend of my soul, this goblet sip
'twill chase the pensive tear.
'Tis not so sweet as woman's lip
but oh, 'tis more sincere.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I drink to your health when I'm with you,
I drink to your health when I'm alone,
I drink to your health so often,
I'm starting to worry about my own
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An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold on to one blade of
grass and not fall on the face of the earth.
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends:
May they never meet!
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Here's to Eve the mother of us all,
And here's to Adam who was Johnny on the spot when the leaf
began to fall.
--------------------------------------------------------------
May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out.
--------------------------------------------------------------
There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head,
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How the hell can he drink when he's dead?
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May you be in heaven 1/2 hour before the devil knows you're dead.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Ode to Beer Of
all my favorite things to do, The
utmost is to have a brew. My love grows for my
foamy friend, with each thirst-quenching elbow
bend. Beer's so frosty, smooth, and cold------
It's paradise----Pure liquid gold | Yes beer
means many things to me that's all for now -------I
gotta Pee
-------------------------------------------------------------
May your neighbors respect you,
Troubles neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And Heaven accept you.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold pint-- and another one!
--------------------------------------------------------------
---
GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
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3/16/2006, 3:43 am
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jscott
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A Blessing or several for Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
--------------------------------------------------------------
May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night,
and the road downhill all the way to your door.
----------------------------------------------------------------
As you slide down the banisters of life
may the splinters never point the wrong way.
---------------------------------------------------------------
May the wind at your back always be your own.
--------------------------------------------------------------
May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks,
May your heart be as light as a song,
May each day bring you bright, happy hours,
That stay with you all the year long.
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May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you
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May your blessings outnumber
The Shamrocks that grow.
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
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May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light.
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.
---------------------------------------------------------------
May your joys be as bright as the morning,
And your sorrows merely be shadows that fade,
In the sunlight of love.
May you have enough
happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong.
Enough sorrows to keep you human.
Enough hope to keep you happy.
Enough failure to keep you humble.
Enough success to keep you eager.
Enough friends to give you comfort.
Enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness.
Enough wealth to meet your needs.
And one thing more: enough
determination to make each day a more wonderful day
than the day before.
-------------------------------------------------------------
May the lilt of Irish laughter
lighten every load.
May the mist of Irish magic
shorten every road...
And may all your friends remember
all the favours you are owed!
-----------------------------------------------------------
May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
---
GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
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3/16/2006, 3:50 am
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The Knife
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 Did someone mention Guinness ...
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!"
Last edited by The Knife, 3/16/2006, 3:57 am
---
Real men use 1911 not 911 ! - Mac the Knife
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3/16/2006, 3:56 am
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jscott
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One or Two Fer the Scot's for Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
A man wis ance hanged for leavin his drink.
----------------------------------------------------
A drink is shorter than a tale.
----------------------------------------------------
A penny in my purse will gar me drink when my freends winna.
----------------------------------------------------
Be what ye seem an seem what ye are.
-----------------------------------------------------
Better half hanged than ill mairied.
--------------------------------------------------------
Drink little, that ye micht drink lang.
--------------------------------------------------------
Dae a man a guid turn, an he'll never forgie ye.
--------------------------------------------------------
Drunk at e'en an dry in the mornin.
--------------------------------------------------------
Every man's no born wi a silver spuin in his mooth.
--------------------------------------------------------
God send ye mair sense, an me mair silver.
---
GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
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3/16/2006, 4:07 am
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mcdude
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 http://images.ibsys.com/2006/0307/7775029_240X180.jpg
CORNED BEEF FRIDAY INDULGENCE
Issue Date: March 17, 2006
Dioceses issue 'Corned Beef Indult' for St. Patrick's Day
Since Lent began, Rocco Palmo, a contributor on American affairs for the British Catholic weekly The Tablet, has been tracking on his Web log what he calls “The Corn Beef Indult,” the U.S. dioceses that are relaxing the Lenten meatless-Friday rule so that Catholics can eat corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17.
Palmo reports the following dioceses have issued the exemption from the rule of abstaining from meat on the Fridays of Lent:
The archdiocese for the military services.
St. Paul-Minneapolis -- with an “encouragement to mark the day with some other form of special observance.”
Indianapolis -- the faithful are requested to transfer abstinence to a prior day of the week.
Cleveland, Ohio.
Kansas City-St. Joseph, Mo.
Detroit.
Providence, R.I. -- with a reminder that the faithful “should practice an alternate act of penance, charity, or prayer.”
Fall River, Mass.
Madison, Wis. -- “Those who avail themselves of this dispensation are asked to perform another form of penance such as acts of charity, prayer or almsgiving on or near the date of March 17.”
Washington -- those who indult are “encouraged to substitute another form of sacrifice on March 17.”
Rockville Centre, N.Y. -- with a request that the revelers “perform another act of penance in lieu of abstaining from meat March 17.”
Fort Wayne-South Bend, Ind., home diocese of the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame University -- “Everyone who accepts this dispensation [is asked] to do some holy act on or near that day. For example, attending Mass, especially on the feast of St. Patrick, would be a most worthy act. So also would be the recitation of the rosary. In addition, there could be an act of service or generosity towards the poor.”
New York -- “Since the day is the feast of the patron of the archdiocese, it is celebrated as a solemnity and, therefore, abstinence need not be observed by parishioners of the archdiocese or others present here on that day.”
Palmo’s blog is called Whispers in the Loggia and can be found at whispersintheloggia.blogspot.com.
-- NCR Staff
National Catholic Reporter, March 17, 2006
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3/16/2006, 8:55 pm
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The Knife
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 Bloomers
As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business. Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child.
In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other. "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"
:(
---
Real men use 1911 not 911 ! - Mac the Knife
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3/16/2006, 9:56 pm
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