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The Knife
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 The Young Irish Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves."
So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door from Father Murphy:
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass."
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick's, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
=D
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Real men use 1911 not 911 ! - Mac the Knife
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3/16/2006, 10:07 pm
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Rattlesnake Gal
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Man’s Best Friend
Farmer McCarthy lived for many years with only his dog for a companion. One sad day he found his dog dead from old age. He went to his parish priest and asked if services could be said for his dog. The good father said "oh no, we can't have services for a dog here, but there's a new church down the street that might be wiling."
"Father do you think $50,000 might be enough of a donation?" asked farmer McCarthy.
"Well man, why didn't you tell me your dog was a catholic!"
Last edited by Rattlesnake Gal, 3/17/2006, 9:59 am
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3/17/2006, 9:58 am
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Rattlesnake Gal
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Sit down
Mick was late for the performance and as he tried to find his seat in the front row someone shouted, "Sit down in front."
"I can't," replied Mick. " I don't bend that way.' :(
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3/17/2006, 10:00 am
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Rattlesnake Gal
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 Re: Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!! 
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Cos they're always a little short. :escher:
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3/17/2006, 10:04 am
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mcdude
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 THE SUN IS OVER THE YARD ARM!!!!
:(
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
Welcome to the Shamrock Cafe
What'll it be?
RG: Thanks for help with decorating! 
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3/17/2006, 4:51 pm
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mcdude
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New York St. Patrick's Day Parade
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3/17/2006, 6:01 pm
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Rattlesnake Gal
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 They look just like us
Irish they were and drunk for sure and they sat in the comer of Mulligan's newly refurbished bar. Across the wall opposite was a huge mirror, fourteen feet long and stretching from floor to ceiling.
Glancing around the room Pat suddenly spotted their reflection in the mirror.
'Mick, Mick,' he whispered. 'Don't look now but there's two fellas over there the image of us!'
'In the name of God,' said Mick, spotting the reflection. 'They're wearing identical clothes and everything.'
'That does it,' said Pat. 'I'm going to buy them a drink.'
But as Pat started to rise from his seat, Mick said, 'Sit down Pat one of them's coming over!'
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3/17/2006, 6:33 pm
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scarlett01
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Re: Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
HI Mc D....it is me..Scarlett....stopped by for a Beer...and..to say ..HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY TO YA!
Scarlett
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"She was not exactly what you would call refined...she was not exactly what you would call UNrefined...she was the type of person who would keep a Parrot!"
Mark Twain
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3/17/2006, 6:43 pm
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uneValkyrie
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Re: Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
Set me up Dude!
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. . . now I can fit a warhead and a thug in my trunk . . . Evonovitch
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3/17/2006, 6:58 pm
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mcdude
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 Re: Saint Patrick's Day Happy Hour - 2006
Scarlett: Welcome! Your avatar looks wonderful in the Cafe! Here's that beer....want a green beer or a Guiness?
unValkyrie: A Southern Comfort Snake bite???
....and down at the end of the bar you can help yourself to corned beef and cabbage or a seven course Irish meal = a six pack and a potato!!
;)
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3/17/2006, 7:21 pm
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