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It all boils down to manipulation and abuse

FJRB
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It all boils down to manipulation and abuse

Freedom of Mind: Purity

I have been a cult-hopper all of my life. I was born 9 weeks prematurely, resulting in brain damage and complications in other areas. When my paternal grandmother saw me, she disdained me; and she treated my brother at least as badly as she treated me. I just recently learned that abusive people tend to do whatever is
necessary to get their way, even to the point of confusing (nearly) everyone else in the process. My brother and I were treated like we were lazy and worthless, and we were blamed for everything that went wrong for our grandmother. She even blamed us for our parents'
divorce (which she instigated because my mother wouldn't submit to Granny's efforts to control her). Of course, Granny blamed Mom and my brother and me for the divorce. She also complained about me being too thin, although doctors told me that I had a healthy weight
(Granny was obese). And she complained that I didn't socialize enough ("You really need to talk to everyone"). So I ended up eating from the time I woke up in the morning to the time I went to bed at night (to no avail then--but it's catching up with me now). And I ended up annoying people by trying to participate in conversations that I had no business participating in. And I ended up getting involved in one cult group after another, in the attempt to befriend as many people as possible. Of course, Granny didn't approve of my involvement in cult groups or in my seeking professional psychological help. So I never could measure up to Granny's demands. And most people never realized how bad she was. She often asked me why I couldn't be more like her older granddaughter and why my brother couldn't be more like her older grandson. I desperately wanted to tell her that we would both do our best to emulate our cousins as much as we were meant to but that God hadn't created us to be our cousins' clones. And I wanted to ask her why she couldn't just accept us the way God had created us. But she would have physically abused me (even more) for that. So I just kept my mouth shut. For a while, she asked me why my brother couldn't be more like me; and all I could really say was that he and I are very much alike (I didn't want to be a part of her attempt to divide and conquer). I guess she saw only the negative parts of herself in my brother and me and the positive parts of herself in our cousins.

I know it isn't very nice of me to say this, but it was a great
relief (and even a small joy) to finally see Granny die of a stroke in 2003, long after a family therapist told Granny's older son that the only way my mily would ever find freedom from her abusive influence was that Granny would die (Her stroke may have been the result of her failure to eat healthfully and exercise, I don't know). But I was left with a curse on my life and in my family. As a result of the way my grandmother treated me from early childhood (and also as a result of a very frightening spiritual
experience at age 4 [demons threatened me; and I bargained for my life by promising them they could do anything they wanted with me as long as they didn't hurt or kill me, though I didn't realize they were demons at the time--they were just frighteningly dark spiritual entities]), I have been in bondage ever since. I was a zealous
member of 3 word-of-faith groups in high school and college. I was contacted in my sophomore year of high school by members of the local International Church of Christ. Later, after writing a research paper on Mormonism, I dropped out of the Assembly of God
denomination, convinced that they were no better than the Mormons. And I immediately joined the local Independent Fundamental Baptist Church, which seemed innocent enough when I first joined, but only grew worse with a change of leadership. I moved to another town
(trying to escape my problems--only to have my problems follow me and become worse in my new location). And the local IFBC in my new location was worse than the one I left previously. After more than a year there (after he "pastor" of that church claimed he didn't care if people called him another Jim Jones--and after he had had guards around the church in every service, and after that "pastor" said that a person could be a non-repentant murderer and still go to Heaven), I moved back to the location that I had previously moved away from. I had become a Mormon before returning but became disillusioned with that
religion. It wasn't long before my family moved again; and I joined another IFBC in our new town. Again, at first, the church seemed ideal; but, by the time I left 6 years later, they were treating me like I was lazy and worthless and like I couldn't serve God; and I was seriously considering suicide. But I had enough sense to just
leave the IFBC and rejoin the AG church. Fortunately, I joined a congregation that had a ministry for former cultists (sort of like a spiritual hospital). I was relieved to see that the people there are consistent in the way they treat others (unlike in cults); and, over the next 3 years, God used that church to heal me of a lot of hurts. It was good that that church is they way that it is, because, on my way from my last IFBC to this AG church, someone in
the University Bible Fellowship offered to study the Bible with me (I didn't realize until I attended the local Summer Bible Conference that this group is a shepherding cult). When I realized that UBF is a cult, I stopped studying the Bible with them. Later on, I thought I needed to go to a chiropractor; and I wound up going to one who promoted paranoia about legitimate medical practices and tried to
recruit me into the Church of Scientology. I left that chiropractor without finishing the treatment that he said that I needed (couldn't leave without harassment; and he has ignored my explicit orders to cut off all contact with my family and me). After feeling like I needed to go to my family's church, I thanked the pastor and the people of the AG church of which I had been a member for nearly
three years and began attending my family's church. However, during this transition, I ran into other questionable groups. I still love and care about the people in these groups; but I can't communicate very well with them. I have many years of recovery ahead of me; and I hope that I will soon be completely free and spiritually and psychologically pure (without having to hurt or kill myself to reach that goal [self-hurt and self-destruction are never valid ways of finding freedom and purity]). I have a daily struggle with depression and confusion; but perhaps this too shall pass (eventually). Having this discussion group available is helpful. emoticon

I'm sure I've forgotten some details, as I inevitably do. But the above is my personal history in abusive relationships and groups.

---
Solely in the service of Yeshua Ha'Mashiach,
Renee

11/4/2006, 6:20 am

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FJRB
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Re: It all boils down to manipulation and abuse

Abuse tends to breed abuse, also. The abused tend to become abusers (either of those who abusesd them or of other people who submit to them in individual or group relationships), unless deep and prolonged professional intervention is implemented. I used to think I was destined to only perpetuate abuse; but I have been able to begin getting the help I need to prevent this. Self-education has been a major factor in this intervention. Prayer and separation (from abusive people and groups has also been very helpful). Wisdom is also key. It doesn't really help to begin getting help and then to prematurely resume or initiate contact with abusers, no matter how strong the temptation to do so.

Thanks for this board, Dondi.

Last edited by FJRB, 11/4/2006, 6:56 am

---
Solely in the service of Yeshua Ha'Mashiach,
Renee

11/4/2006, 6:27 am

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DMskin
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Re: It all boils down to manipulation and abuse

Thank You So much for sharing you past with us Fjrb,
It gives me hope after the Problems Ive had in the Past,
Also after 40 Years with NO Faith, Via this Board I'm finding
God, For "The First Time"
Indeed "Dondi" Thanks for this Board.

Paul

Last edited by FJRB, 12/2/2006, 11:46 pm

11/10/2006, 2:39 pm

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FJRB
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Re: It all boils down to manipulation and abuse

You're welcome, Paul. I'm glad you're beginning to find God. We're all praying for you.

Blessings to you, Paul,

---
Solely in the service of Yeshua Ha'Mashiach,
Renee

11/10/2006, 7:33 pm

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dondi
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Re: It all boils down to manipulation and abuse

Please, don't give me the credit. All I did was find some web site and use their boards. Give the praise and glory to God. For without Him I would have never started this.
I started all this because I found the twisting of God's Word sickening. I started all this because I watched a program on Waco, wanted to learn a little more and ended up finding the seven seals site. Jumped on the message board and went from there. Spent a lot of nights arguing and proving my point. Well, almost anyhow. Certain members would not listen and repent, but a few told me they did and seem better for it now. At least I hope and pray they are.
So, give the glory to God Who deserves it. He gave me the body and brain so what I do is through Him.

Last edited by FJRB, 12/2/2006, 11:48 pm

11/12/2006, 11:35 pm

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FJRB
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Re: It all boils down to manipulation and abuse

Did you see the episode of NUMB3RS that aired on January 5, 2007? I did; and it was very interesting. I've posted the link below, if you would like to watch it.

http://www.cbs.com/innertube/index.php?src=email&vid=124824&format=rm|wmv