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Orik Valmundsson
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VERY ROUGH draft

           Out of Slavery and Into Battle
     
     All he possessed was a shirt and pants. He had gotten these at his foster parents. They treated him cruelly and the marks still hadn’t gone away. His foster father had sold him as slave and bought him back at half-price once the buyer found the fine print. He stayed as a slave for 10 years, from six years old to 16 years old. All he knew of his parents was that they had died of disease and that his father was a man named Valmund. All he wanted was to be free. He did gain his freedom, but it didn’t come in the form he had expected. Black orcs, smart brutes made out of pure evil, came and destroyed the home killing his foster father and mother and cutting Orik open across the stomach leaving him dead. He would have bled out if an old hag hadn’t been traveling and stumbled across him. She nursed him back to health and asked him questions about his past, but he didn’t answer, for he had a fear of trusting people after what had happened with his foster father.

     He soon left her company and wandered, foraging when he became hungry which happened quite often. However, as he had been a slave, he was never taught about what you should and should not eat in the wild. He got sick several times and once came close to dying. After that, he thought, “I am lucky to be alive. I wonder when my luck will run out.”

     Soon he saw smoke coming from a town ahead. He thought that they had a festival going, but then he remembered the black orcs. He grabbed a stick and decided he would use it as a club unless he found a proper weapon. He continued and soon saw that he had thought was true. The whole town had been reduced to ashes. There wasn’t even a chicken left.

     He saw banners flying in the distance and thought he would never be able to associate with any kind humans. However, scouts from that column had just arrived and were scuffling around. He hid and heard them talking to each other about someone named Daeris. They praised him and spoke of getting to as high of a rank as him and he briefly wondered if they were evil, but then dismissed that notion. He listened a while longer and went out to meet them. They seemed shocked to see him. He looked at himself and realized why. He had many tears in his pants and scabs all over his body. He had mud on his hands and assumed that there was mud on his face as well. When he tried to tell them he was dirty and just needed a bath, his voice cracked and all that came out was gurgling and wheezing. They brandished their weapons and slowly walked toward him. Before they got too close, he turned and ran. If there was one thing he was good at, it was running.

     Soon he came upon a stream and washed himself in it, then sat waiting for his pursuers. He waited. And waited. And waited. Soon it was nighttime and he looked around himself for somewhere to hole up for the night, but gave up because it was too dark. So he just laid down and slept. When he awoke, he ran towards the town again, but when he got there, there were no banners on the horizon and there were no scouts in the town.

     He despaired, but then the same old hag he had been nursed back to health by came. He now saw that she had four weapons in her pack. Three of them were daggers, but the fourth, oh the fourth, was a long sword strapped to the outside of her pack. It was bloodstained and had seen its fair share of battle, but was still functional. She desired his company and they talked deep into the night for he now answered the questions he had not before. He did this because he was afraid he would not live to tell anyone else.

     Soon though, after he had answered her questions, the hag said, “Sleep. When morning comes, I will not be here but the scouts you had seen earlier will be and this time they will have brought some of their fastest runners. Speak until you can speak no more tonight so that your voice doesn’t crack tomorrow. Here, take this long sword. It is too heavy for me, but just right for you who have been a hard-worked slave. Goodnight.” He spoke until his voice cracked and then wet his throat and spoke some more. He soon fell asleep while mumbling and sitting upright. When he came to, he realized that the hag had been a prophesier. For she was gone, but the scouts were indeed back with some men that looked like they could run ten miles and not be winded. He went up to greet them and said with a grin, “Welcome to my home. I am Orik Valmundsson.”


Last edited by Orik Valmundsson, 2/26/2009, 11:03 pm


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May the wind carry you upon its back and may the earth be steady under your feet. May your lands be prosperous and may your life be full.
2/25/2009, 5:50 pm Send Email to Orik Valmundsson   Send PM to Orik Valmundsson
 
Orik Valmundsson
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

Just need corrections if any are needed. Hope there aren't, but almost guaranteed there will be some.

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May the wind carry you upon its back and may the earth be steady under your feet. May your lands be prosperous and may your life be full.
2/25/2009, 5:51 pm Send Email to Orik Valmundsson   Send PM to Orik Valmundsson
 
Jarred NightThorne
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

quote:
He hid and heard them talking to each other about some Daeris.

You'll want to change that to someone named Daeris. It'll make more sense, and would be proper English. emoticon

You'll want to flush the details better. Name a building in the town that you came into... talk about picking about the ruins of the smouldering husk of a domicile or something like that. Try to name the town... if you do, and other people come from the same place, or we have a battle there or something, we'll see about putting it on the map.

Last, it's a REAL good start. I LOVE the fact that your real parents died because of Disease. That's a new one... most people just had their family slaughtered or something like that. Good job on that.

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I'm going to take whatever you haven't nailed down... Nevermind... I'll take that too.
2/25/2009, 6:58 pm Send Email to Jarred NightThorne   Send PM to Jarred NightThorne
 
fenrisoferyndor
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

NEEDS TITLE!
2/25/2009, 7:04 pm  
 
Orik Valmundsson
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

I DID name the town I went to. It was Silvo. And thanks for the ideas. I'll work on it.

Also, fixed the draft to say someone and added a title.

Last edited by Orik Valmundsson, 2/26/2009, 11:03 pm


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May the wind carry you upon its back and may the earth be steady under your feet. May your lands be prosperous and may your life be full.
2/26/2009, 4:48 pm Send Email to Orik Valmundsson   Send PM to Orik Valmundsson
 
Orik Valmundsson
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

Should I post the other 2 parts of the story I have written as of yet?

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May the wind carry you upon its back and may the earth be steady under your feet. May your lands be prosperous and may your life be full.
2/27/2009, 9:40 pm Send Email to Orik Valmundsson   Send PM to Orik Valmundsson
 
Jarred NightThorne
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

go for it

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I'm going to take whatever you haven't nailed down... Nevermind... I'll take that too.
2/28/2009, 3:38 am Send Email to Jarred NightThorne   Send PM to Jarred NightThorne
 
Orik Valmundsson
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

        

Last edited by Orik Valmundsson, 3/3/2009, 8:36 pm


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May the wind carry you upon its back and may the earth be steady under your feet. May your lands be prosperous and may your life be full.
3/1/2009, 9:34 pm Send Email to Orik Valmundsson   Send PM to Orik Valmundsson
 
Orik Valmundsson
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Re: VERY ROUGH draft

       


Last edited by Orik Valmundsson, 3/3/2009, 8:36 pm


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May the wind carry you upon its back and may the earth be steady under your feet. May your lands be prosperous and may your life be full.
3/1/2009, 9:41 pm Send Email to Orik Valmundsson   Send PM to Orik Valmundsson
 


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