missywagner
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 Self-Esteem Boosters
4 "I'm Rubbish" Reflexes to Snap Out Of
Can't express your opinion?
Do you say sorry all the time?
Can't accept a compliment?
Does a friend's success make you feel bad about yourself?
If so, then read about these four self-esteem boosters and give yourself a self-image makeover!
Rubbish Reflex #1
YOU CAN'T EXPRESS YOUR OPINION
Example: Your boyfriend says a new band is great, but you think they're awful. Or your friends hated a film but you loved it. In both situations you end up keeping quiet in case you say something stupid.
Self-esteem booster: When people around you have a lot to say, saying what you think can feel intimidating. We can be sure about what we think and not have a clue about other people's lives. But, equally, you can spend too much time soaking up other people's opinions and not voicing your own.
You don't need to give your opinion all that time, but sometimes you need to be heard. When you want somebody to know what you think, try saying, "I can see where you're coming from, but my feeling is more this..." And be brave enough to say what you think. Acknowledge that you recognize somebody else's opinion and tell them you accept it. Then point out that you're not trying to change their mind, you just think differently.
Rubbish Reflex #2
YOU SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME
Example: You need to discuess an issue with a colleague at work, but the first word you say is 'sorry'. Someone bumps into you in the street and you apologize. Sometimes it feels like you're sorry for existing.
Self-esteem booster: The problem is, if you open a sentence with the word 'sorry', it automatically devalues what you say afterwards. You are immediately putting yourself down when you say sorry. There's nothing wrong with good manners, but there's a big difference between being polite and apologizing for your own existence. Do you want to come across as nervous and unconfident? No. So, rather than using 'sorry' as an opener to a question, take a deep breath and try: "Hi, how are you? Have you got a spare five minutes?"
Confident body language will also indicate that you have something valid to say. Stand up straight, look the person in the eye, smile, and then say what you want or need from them with an assertive voice. Looking confident is half the battle.
Rubbish Reflex #3
YOU CAN'T ACCEPT A COMPLIMENT
Example: A friend says your hair looks great and your immediate response is, "Really? I've no idea why, I haven't washed it for three days."
Self-esteem booster: We tend to brush off compliments because we're taught that it's immodest to accept them. It may also be a lack of self-esteem- you don't really think you're worthy of the compliment , so you deflect it.
We all carry an image of ourselves in our head and for most people that includes negative thoughts. If somebody says something to you that doesn't match that image, your automatic response is to reject it. Your brain is constantly looking for evidence that your way of viewing the world and yourself is correct. Silence the negative voice in your head by talking to yourself as you would your best friend. You'd never tell her that she looked fat or ugly, so why tell yourself that?
Think of a compliment as a beautifully wrapped present. You wouldn't dream of throwing that present away and mumbling, "Thanks, but I don't want it." Instead, smile as you look at the person who gave it to you and say thank you.
Accepting a compliment isn't being conceited, self-obsessed or needing others to give you positive reinforcement. It's important to believe that when someone says something nice to you, it's meant in a genuine, good-spirited way.
Rubbish Reflex #4
A FRIEND'S SUCCESS MAKES YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF
Example: Your friend shares her good news- a new job, a new man- and while you're happy for her, you can't help but feel like a failure at work/love. You say, "I'm so pleased for you," but you think, "Why haven't I got that?"
Self-esteem booster: This reflex is about envy. You see what oter people have, percieve it to be superior and then want it for yourself. But that envy can quickly turn into negativity, making you feel you're not good enough. Look at the facts- has nothing nice ever happened to you? We all have things we like and dislike in our lives, so don't cast someone else as 'having it all' while you cast yourself as 'having nothing'. It simply isn't true.
If you find yourself going beyond a couple of minutes of jealousy and starting to berate yourself then spend half an hour writing down all the things you've achieved in the past year that you're really proud of and any compliments you've recieved recently. Really big yourself up. Writing these down is a powerful way to clarify your thoughts. Read the list everytime you need a confidence boost. Looking at it before you go to bed is particularly effective. This way, you rest your brain with positive thoughts while you're asleep.
--- HW: 261 (Jan '06)
CW: 165 (June '07)
Goal: 135-140
LOST: 96 pounds
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7/19/2006, 5:36 pm
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james300
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Registered: 10-2006
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Re: Self-Esteem Boosters
love those tips unforuntley i find myself making some of those mistakes
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10/16/2006, 8:51 pm
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Matt L
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Great Tips!
I'm sure they'll help people
It unfortunate that people feel that they shouldn't accept compliments, when really they should and be grateful for it
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11/1/2006, 3:16 pm
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