cactuarsama
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Dotties guide to wedding invitation ettiquette (lots of language)
this was orginally my lj post but joe though it would be appropriate for anybody who might get invited to a wedding one day.
WELCOME TO "GET-YOUR-****ING-MANNERS-TOGETHER" 101. I'M YOUR TEACHER DOTTIE AND IM PISSED AT YOUR ASS!
LESSON 1!
anatomy of a wedding invitation, contents include:
-envelope
-invite
-(optional) RSVP card
lets start with the envelope
when you get your invite in the mail it will be adressed to sombody , MOST LIKELY YOU!
the adresses can say one of three things:
for single invites:
Mr/Ms. biteme
4311 i will **** you over st.
inyourface, NY 123456
for husband and wife invites:
Mr. and Mrs.biteme
4311 i will **** you over st.
inyourface, NY 123456
OR for a family
Mr. and Mrs.biteme AND family
4311 i will **** you over st.
inyourface, NY 123456
the bottom line of this is that IF YOUR NAME IS NOT ON THE INVITE, YOUR ASS IS NOT INVITED!
when it says 'and family' this means BRING YOUR KIDS WHO LIVE IN THE HOUSE WITH YOU, NOT EVERY ****ING RELETIVE YOUVE EVER MET! if its adressed to one person, this does NOT mean you invite 10 of your best friends nor does it mean you invite your dead beat, boy/girlfriend. end lesson 1!
<****head who wants to bring their b/f> but i won't have anybody to dance with!
<me> i don't ****ing care
LESSON 2: THE INVITE
the invite is the biggest piece of paper in the envelope
it will say the datE and time and location of the wedding CEREMONY. if you get one of these that means you are invited to the ceremony. the ceremony is the one where the bride and groom exchange those little circular things and kiss.
Lession 3: the RSVP
for those who don't know what RSVP means now ill tell you what it means:
répondez s’il vous plaît (french)
or
please respond (english)
or
TELL US WHETHER OR NOT YOUR LAZY, MANNER-LESS, ASS IS COMING TO OUR RECEPTION OR NOT!(Dottie)
the rsvp is the little piece of paper that you may or may not get in your wedding invite. and is ONLY for the reception. ANY OLD PERSON CAME COME TO THE CEREMONY BUT YOU HAVE TO BE INVITED TO THE RECEPTION. if you do not get one in your invite that means your not invited to the reception and that you accept the fact that your not ****ing invited and you don't beg the hosts to be invited.
the RSVP with say somting like "please respond with number of persons attending ____" note: "number of persons attending" does not mean you invite as many epople as you want.(see lesson 1) it means the number of people the card is adressed to. when the card is adressed to one person THE RSVP SHOULD SAY ONE PERSON NOT 3! if its adressed to 5 people and only 2 can come THEN IT SHOULD SAY 2! GET IT!?
if you cannot come then send the ****ing rsvp back with the "number of persons attending" as '0' DO NOT FORGET ABOUT IT, DO NOT LOSE IT , DO NOT MISPLACE IT, DO NOT THINK ITS OK TO JUST IGNORE IT. ITS NOT THAT ****ING HARD TO TAKE THE RSVP OUT, SIGN IT WITH YOUR NUMBER, THEN PUT IT BACK IN YOUR ****ING MAIL BOX. 1-2 MINUTES, TOPS DEPENDING ON HOW FAR YOU DAMN MAILBOX IS FROM YOUR FRONT DOOR!!!
other notes:
if you do not get an invite DO NOT INVITE YOURSELF, DO NOT ASSUME YOU ARE INVITED, DO NOT BEG TO BE INVITED, DON'T PUT THE BRIDE AND GROOM ON THE SPOT AND ASK IF YOU ARE INVITED. IT DOESN'T APPLY TO A LITTLE KIDS BIRTHDAY PARTY ITS DOESN'T APPLY HERE EITHER.
THIS ENDS TODAYS LESSON!
if you think any of this applied to you...then you're probably right!
dot
if you can't comprehend any of this then try here http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/wedding/index.htm oh look they even have a section dedicated to invites alone *gasp* this must be a reoccuring problem?
---
"Behold winters lover KOTATSU-MAN"-raiel
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6/18/05, 12:16 am
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Skullbearer
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Registered: 12-2004
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Re: Dotties guide to wedding invitation ettiquette (lots of language)
*breaks down sobbing*
I wasn't invited!!!!
Oh wait... you neither know me in person, nor know my adress.
WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
--- "Only YOU can prevent forum fires."
-Geeky the Bear
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6/18/05, 1:08 am
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Kent Magami
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Registered: 06-2005
Location: Indiana
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Re: Dotties guide to wedding invitation ettiquette (lots of language)
*patpats Skullbearer*
There, there--I wasn't invited, either, and Joe, at least, knows me well.
Then again, that's probably *why* I'm not invited... 
Ah, it's probably just 'cause he doesn't know my address. Yeah, that must be it. 
Kent Magami
---
Kent Magami
"Devil Hunters do it better." -- Miko Mano
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6/18/05, 12:20 pm
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Marachan
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Registered: 07-2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 633
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Re: Dotties guide to wedding invitation ettiquette (lots of language)
Well, yeah... and I didn't figure you'd drive all that way to the wedding... course, you could have gone the other two days to Metrocon (The con in Tampa, about an hour away)
But i DO know what bad luck you have with travelling.
Besides the fact that I hadn't seen you online in about a year and a half.
I was gonna invite Softie, but he has this thing about leaving California. ^^;
---
* Joe *
Writer/webmaster
www.marachan.com
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6/18/05, 11:32 pm
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BillyBadAss
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Re: Dotties guide to wedding invitation ettiquette (lots of language)
I always wanted to know how people did those invitation things.
No. I just wanted to up my post count..
Have fun at the wedding!!
.billy
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6/19/05, 4:07 am
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