1lost1
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6 Realtionship "Mistakes" to avoid
according to Dr. Laura Berman
Avoid these 6
Not familiar with her but read it and agree with some of it, some of it didn't apply to me personally (friends with benefits)
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Mayhem of Motherhood
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May/20/2007, 11:54 am
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kismet815
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Re: 6 Realtionship "Mistakes" to avoid
I used to listen to dr. laura and a lot of the things she says just don't work in the real world. There are some things that I do agree with like don't put kids first. some people think you are crazy if you do this. See when you say your marriage vows it had in there about forsaking all others. Well most people think that means other romantic relationship or something like that. It means all others. The marriage comes before everything and everyone else. This is a lesson that took a long time for me and my dh to realize. You never put the kids before the spouse b/c you and your spouse are one unit in the home. If you are divided, the children do not get the structure they need. They also are not as secure. They need to see their parents as one.
The friends with benefits is a no brainer.
You have got to make time with friends. (as long as that time does not supercede time with your spouse) this one should be a no brainer, but some people want to consume every waking moment you have. My dh has friends whose wives/gf want to be w/ them all of the time. They get upset that they want to hang out. They have on occasion become angry at me b/c they think I give my dh too much freedom. I have told them that I am secure in my relationship. I don't need to know where he is 24-7 to have that security. If he wants to go to a topless bar, fine with me because if I want to go to the ladies lockup, I will. If he wants to spend the day with the boys playing madden, fine. I may want to spend the day with the girls getting pedicures and shopping. If a person is going to cheat, they are going to do it no matter what you do.
The shutting down sexually thing is a no brainer. If you don't give it to him/her they will find it elsewhere. sometimes biology supercedes love. Even if you don't feel in the mood everytime, I can just about guarantee you will get into the mood.
Setting boundaries. You have to do this or you will get taken advantage of. Just make sure you're not trying to be his mother. I always tell people, my husband has a mama and I am not her.
Toxic friends. These people will bring you down. If they are not happy, they don't want you to be happy. I have one that I didn't speak to for 4 years b/c of this. Now, when she starts to go down that toxic road, I tell her that I can not have that in my life. If she wants to be my friend, she has to be as supportive of me as I am of her.
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Jun/2/2007, 9:18 am
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1lost1
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Re: 6 Realtionship "Mistakes" to avoid
You and I have a lot in common as far as views go. Probably sounds absurd as I am not in a current relationship, but I was with the children's father 20 years. I was never the smothering type, always thought it was important for him to have his time and me to have some time for me too. A person who has cheating in them can't be stopped no matter how much time you spend with them. It's something inside of them that happens.
I wasn't familiar with Dr. Laura until I read this article...I really just put this up to begin a discussion as I knew guessy is getting married and I thought some things might come out that could maybe give her some ideas...
The trying not be his mother is great advice... I don't think a marriage/relationship can work when one tries to parent~ its a two way street for adults.
And toxic friends... danger, danger. I remember too when Greg and I became serious some relationships with friends changed especially single friends. Some get a bit wierded out when their friend gets serious, I think they feel like their friendship is in danger. It's a time when you do find out who your true friends are. I think at least.
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Jun/2/2007, 12:04 pm
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Lady Emm
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Registered: 06-2006
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Re: 6 Realtionship "Mistakes" to avoid
I have to agree with Kismet on this one. We have friends who think we have a really wierd relationship. We both have other friends, he goes out without me and I do the same.
We both know where we go home at night. I think the relationships where the g/f b/f has to always be there is really a form of control and insecurity.
A lot of what Dr. Laura says I don't agree with, but those six are pretty much no-brainers if you have common sense- but as we all know- common sense is not so common. 
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Jun/4/2007, 7:48 pm
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