kismet815
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North Pole
Registered: 02-2007
Posts: 30
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Help with so called friend
Last year, my dh and I bought our dream house. It is in a very desirable neighborhood across the street from a really nice park. ( This is after many years of saving and sacrificing. No vacations clothes from thrift shops living on one paycheck and banking the other. Not to mention packing 4 people into 770 sq. ft. of single wide trailer in a trailer park. I even drove the same car for 10 years) Everyone was really happy for us except this one so called friend. We have a lot of get togethers at my house and all of the sudden, this "friend" started making excuses for not coming. She has not been here since february. Her sister told me that she said that we were snobs and she did not want to be around us. Her son, said that she was jealous. The jealousy thing makes sense b/c everything I have ever done, she has to do better. For example: when my dh and I were starting out we bought a single wide trailer, when she was starting out she said I will not live in a single wide and that is when she bought a double wide and moved it two lots up from mine.
If I took my kids to an amusement park, She had to take hers to disney. If I cut my hair, she cuts hers. If I decide to grow mine out, she gets hers weaved. She wears contacts and I wear glasses. When I started wearing glasses, she started wearing hers instead of contacts. When I lost my last pair and did not replace them right away, she started wearing her contacts again. She got married two years after I did. And, if you didn't already guess we have the same last name now.
'We grew up together and I love her like a sister. I just don't think that she cares anything about me. I am ready to just give up on the relationship once and for all. Before I do that though, I wonder should I just ask her flat out what her problem is or should I just let the friendship die on its own? Any advise is welcome :thnjs
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Jun/2/2007, 6:15 pm
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1lost1
Minion of Mayhem
North Pole
Registered: 10-2006
Posts: 2791
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Re: Help with so called friend
Wow~ I can't imagine how heartbroken & ticked you have to be. That's one heck of a predicament.
She is your friend and you do love her like a sister I think on that alone a heart to heart talk is warranted. Lay all the cards out on the table and hopefully in doing so you find a way to travel through life together.
Jealousy is such a difficult monster to fight. Honestly too, not making excuses for her but maybe she goes through life living as you have explained and she is not aware that she does have issues with jealousy. That would be difficult to point out to someone & most likely if it has been brought to her attention it's been thrown at her while in an argument with someone and she didn't pay it much mind. Maybe someone has never sat down and talked rationally about how her actions appear to others.
Maybe too she fights the jealousy Monster mostly with you and it's not the serious issue it is with others that it is between you 2.
I would have a serious talk with her. Maybe take a drive so it's just you and her interruption free (turn off the cell phones even) and talk. You love her and she has hurt you. She is probably feeling hurt too because she sees you doing so well and she feels like you have grown apart because your address change. Your address changed, you didn't & if anyone changed because of the move it was her~ from what you have explained. Or maybe in the talk she will will bring some issues out that she feels hurt by, stuff you aren't aware of.
Because you do love her and it's obvious you are hurt I would give it one earnest try and then after that hold her accountable for being a friend too. If after you clear the air things don't change and you still feel like she doesn't care for you, you're just going to have to realize she is geared differently than you, you love her and you tried, but she has a few issues she needs to work through. At least you'll have it in your heart that the friendship was important enough to you that you tried.
I wish I could be more helpful, I really do. Hopefully someone else will find there way here and have some ideas as well. Please don't be sad, I always feel things have a way of righting themselves even when they seem to be impossible.
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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Jun/2/2007, 7:51 pm
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