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1lost1
Minion of Mayhem
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Justin ~
Well... things have gotten a bit funky, don't know how else to describe it. (This is long and I am sorry about that, condensed as much as possible though)
I had to take Jimmy to the emergency room Saturday. He woke up with a bursitis flare up (hadn't had one for 15 years). While we were at the er Justin's mom came for a visit. In conversation Justin mentioned he couldn't do something with his Mother Wednesday because his caseworker was coming. Mind you this is the first visit they have had in probably close to 2 months. She doesn't make much time for him. Her Mom (Justin's Grandmother) has been much more attentive than she has been.
She heard about the caseworker and has completely flipped out. Instant rage, the Grandmother is also upset.
This totally blows my mind. First off because Justin's mother was a nurse and a crackshot one at that. She worked so hard to get her nursing degree and was very successful working in a very prestigious hospital in Pittsburgh. During that time she get herself in a "jam" started taking patient meds and that was the beginning of a Heroin addiction. She has lost the right to practice nursing and has been in and out of rehab, in and out of jail because of her addiction. This is what broke up the marriage between Justin's Mom and Dad. Which prior to that point they had a truly wonderful family. Her actions were the beginning of the disaster that we are now in the middle of. As it ruined her life (she now works at McDonald's) Justin's Dad was so shook up over what she did that he became a raging alcoholic/ drug addict (pills & cocaine)...
Now... Justin sees a Thyroid Specialist, his Mother is a nurse (even if she is forbidden to practice~ she is a nurse, the knowledge is there), his Grandmother is one of 10 children and has has a family so large the numbers are astounding and has been around many, many children. I have to believe if I knew Justin was Autistic with no medical training, his Mother was aware and so was the Thyroid Specialist. A person with no medical degree can spend a minute with Justin and know he has a medical condition even if they are unsure what it is.
So she has now found out about Justin receiving two formal diagnosis. She has also found out he has applied for a Medical Card- this will allow him to receive proper medical care and also get his prescriptions filled timely~ Jimmy and I are simply unable to pay out of pocket for this. His last dentist bill for a partial was $600.00 alone. She is also livid about the fact that he applied for social security/ disability (not sure what they actually class it as)
She is livid about it all, every bit of it and her and her Mom are coming in to "have it out" with Jimmy. Which Jimmy is a bit nervous. He was not being sneaky about what he was doing. Everything he did was to help Justin after they dropped him at his door and carried on with their lives not looking back too much, only very sporadically ~ I guess when the guilt eats them alive.
I told Jimmy if she shows up at the door and is on drugs send her away until this is important enough to discuss drug free. Additionally I feel as if wow, she was a nurse and obviously ignored this from toddler stage on. I remember very well Justin tooling around in diapers, unable to talk, he would growl, afraid of people, he wouldn't eat... and she was ok just to ignore the issue. She had the ability to see the problem she chose to ignore it. They left him to be raised as "cave boy" keeping the house filled with chicken breast and Pepsi so he would be content while both Mom and Dad went out and partied. They ignored this maybe hoping if they did they didn't have to face it or that them ignoring it negated the fact that medical issues exist. Ignoring it also allowed them to live their self absorbed lives... what they didn't care about was them walking their path of destruction was a huge cost to them~ to Justin there are no words for what it cost him. It cost Justin everything.
I do not understand why they were ok to turn their backs on him ~ up to the point when someone cared enough to help and now they have flipped out.
I would imagine this is about to get as ugly as it can get... The one thing on our side is Justin is of legal age. So she can't exert her parental rights for the first time in her life and use that as a tool to get him out of the house. But she is his Mom and he loves her and she really does have influence on him.
I cannot tell you how upset I am. We have had the best summer, made some great strides forward that I really do feel will help Justin. Besides that I love Justin. I could not love him anymore than if I gave birth to him. Both my boys and Olivia feel as if he is family, because he is. And the thoughts that her insanity is going to step into this and ruin the progress we have made has me so upset and furious at the same time there just aren't words. I am powerless in it though. And I really don't know what to do.
I am hoping to speak with Justin's caseworker to see if there is something we can do to continue on as we have been. Jimmy wanted to talk with Justin about his Mom and Dad but I have been adamant that he can't bash Justin's parents to him~ that will only add to the confusion & hurt Justin even more. I hope that things will work out because my heart just won't be able to stand packing him up to move him in with her knowing the type of life he will get back into. And it blows my mind she is more concerned with "appearances" than what is actually best for Justin.
Rant on pause I am just so damn frustrated and heartbroken & angry right now...
--- 
Mayhem of Motherhood
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Jul/17/2007, 11:50 am
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bnlred
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Re: Justin ~
Wow, I am so sorry! It sounds like Jimmy, and you, have been really taking great care of Justin's needs- both physical and psychosocial this summer. As a nurse myself, I am horrified that this woman had first, chosen to ignore the situation from early on and second, would create such a scene instead of looking at the big picture and what is required in the best interest of Justin. My heart goes out to you and you (and Justin and Jimmy) have our prayers for a peaceful resolution to all this. Hang in there!  
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Jul/17/2007, 5:06 pm
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1lost1
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Re: Justin ~
Think they have set up to come in and Rant Thursday night~ but would imagine if she gets a better offer that is subject to change...
Thanks Red too by the way~ my nerves are just shot about this. Justin meets today with his caseworker / new buddy and Jimmy and I are wondering if Mom and Grandmother might be planning of a bit of sabotage, attending the meeting and discouraging Justin. We'll find out this afternoon I guess...
---
Mayhem of Motherhood
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Jul/18/2007, 12:30 pm
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suzidfloosey
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Re: Justin ~
Good luck tonight - sorry my lines are down so i only have a few mins in the library.
Jimmy has the right to kick their asses out his door and if they act up to call the police. They have no right to react the way they are - they effectively abandoned Justin with a dangerously undertreated medical condition and with a neglected intellectual disability. You guys did exactly the right stuff for him - isn't it wonderful that he was willing to go with his social worker rather than his mother so it means he's comfy with whats going on.
Hope it goes ok - hopefully Jimmy will be strong enough to boot them out if he needs to. Are you going along??
BTW of course Justin needs his medical card - that's basic!! it gives him independance and the care he needs!!!
Also - they have NO RIGHT to attend that meeting with the careworker!
fingers crossed for you all and let us know what's happening. We're here for you all 
---
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
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Jul/19/2007, 9:51 am
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1lost1
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Re: Justin ~
Justin had his second visit with Shawn last night & yes his Mother did come in... Shawn called us as we were on our way home from work.
It was a tad uncomfortable at first. Justin was a complete nervous wreck, but once his Mom and Shawn starting speak tension did ease. Shawn says his Mother, after a bit of discussion was decent. I am assuming had she come to the house drugged up he would have made mention. Jimmy and her have not spoke but we feel as if she must be coming to terms with it or at least willing to allow Justing to try it out as next Wednesday Shawn will take Justin to the mall and out for lunch to McDonalds (not the one his Mom works at) He will eat a plain McDonalds hamburger if its an absolute emergency.
Jimmy and I had a bit of yard work to do last night so we tackled his first and I called Justin out to say hello... asked about Shawn, his Mom the whole 9 yards. You know I actually think he enjoys it. It was so cute ~ he opened his door and had no shirt on and I told him to "get out here and visit" and he said give me a sec and closed his door and came out with a shirt on. That tickled me... he also had a fresh haircut and I think his chest puffed a bit when I said how handsome he looked.
Poor guy has no one to talk about his parents with and I know that's hard on him. It's not his fault that his Mom and Dad went off on a different path and honest to goodness before this all happened I cannot express how wonderful both of them were. I know too those people are still inside of them somewhere.
Something interesting that Shawn told us... they actually took Justin as a toddler to Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh and had him evaluated (we never knew) and Shawn told us the diagnosis back then although called something different is the same. I am happy they did take him~ at the time they both had their heads on... but I can't help but be a little pissed with formal diagnosis they kept it hidden as opposed to doing what they could all those years ago. Really we can only go from today forward though...
I really talked Shawn up to Justin ~ I want to encourage him. I also let him know if he was a bit nervous going to the mall with him he and I could take a trial run so he would know what to expect. He mentioned the trip "several" times while talking to us so I know it was eating him up.
Justin's Dad also got a DUI over the weekend and fought with new girlfriend so while we were doing yard work he pulled in and asked Jimmy is he could stay for a couple days until he got a place... Mind you he drives big trucks for a living (CDL License) so this is a major setback for him as he will lose his license to drive... He and I spoke about Justin. And I did ask Mike if once he got a place he would allow Justin to stay with Jimmy because of all the good that was happening... I did also explain what happened at the visit and how his x wife showed up (it's so messed up because no one acknowledges anything "uncomfortable" around anyone in the family)... I just told Mike honestly I loved Justin and think things are really moving in a great direction for him and would like to see it continue. I do feel he knows it is best for Justin to stay right where he is at. Time will tell.
It's just such a mess ...
---
Mayhem of Motherhood
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Jul/19/2007, 10:13 am
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bnlred
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Re: Justin ~
God bless both you and Jimmy! You are both truly Justin's angels and are doing God's work! Your presence makes a positive difference in this boy's life and warms my heart to hear all about it. Keep up the good work and when in doubt or stress, pray!  
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Jul/19/2007, 11:17 am
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suzidfloosey
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Re: Justin ~
What red said!
You guys are doing a great job and dealing with addicts is always so difficult - they are so unpredictable but Justin being officially not under their remit anymore definately helps.
In a way I understand people being scared of a diagnosis - it is scary even when you know it was there all along - made me cry like hell I can tell you. But hey we're the adults and once we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off it's our job to take that diagnosis and fight tooth & nail to put the supports needed in place. I don't believe we should have to - a diagnosis of ASD or PDD should trigger an automatic response just like here if a mom has a downs child they get all the services set up right there in the labour ward practically - we're a long way off that but someday maybe....
anyway it's complex and stressful - you and Jimmy mind yourselves too ..... 
---
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
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Jul/19/2007, 12:24 pm
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suzidfloosey
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Re: Justin ~
Hope things going ok for you guys Losty...you're in my thoughts
---
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
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Jul/20/2007, 6:34 am
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bnlred
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Re: Justin ~
Have a great weekend and of course we're here for ya! Be sure to share how the weekend goes
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Jul/20/2007, 10:47 am
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