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chefkim
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Registered: 05-2007
Location: Sunny Fla.
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Re: Justin ~
I do see and understand, I have a 15 year old son who is mildly autistic he was depressed at a point, his psyc. put him on prosac, but I weaned him of that...he is much better at this point...
(he hasn't been on any meds for about a year now, and is doing quite well...
there is such a broad spectrum for autism you know...
early intervention is key, of course Justin is much older now so its hard...but Blessings to him and you!
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Jul/27/2007, 6:29 am
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1lost1
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Re: Justin ~
Thank you thank you...
They actually evaluated Justin twice for depression, once initially and then they had someone come in and do a second evaluation... (obviously we just rolled with th flow and weren't sure of anyone's credentials). From the two evaluations he has had both have said he does not have depression.
quote:
People with autism do get down and more withdrawn when there are unpredictable things happening - they are unsure so they react in the only way they know which is too withdraw and this can manifest in many ways.
I think his Dad being there, and then vanishing within a week ~ tripped him up and confused him a bit. The change in him was immediate, when he found out his Dad wouldn't be staying with them anymore.
Jimmy is meeting with Shawn next week to discuss Justin. It's difficult to speak frankly in their home without Justin hearing every word of the conversation and there are questions Jimmy has that he feels are best asked in private, he doesn't want Justin to feel as if his every move in the home is being monitored. Shawn said he was pleased with the way Justin conducted himself Wednesday ~ their first actual trip, they went to the Mall. Justin was eating lunch when Shawn came to the house, so Shawn didn't insist they go to lunch.
I have mentioned the Tony book to Jimmy previously and we need to get out this weekend and pick up a copy. Unfortunately I believe it is going to rain all weekend, so yard work will probably be slim to none. I have been home all week with the baby she is ill a viral infection that has been nasty. Because of that we haven't got to visit over at Jimmy's like we like to. I mentioned to Jimmy because Justin did seem so down this week maybe one of my boys could come over and they could play video games. He really seems to get excited when the boys pop in for a visit. I don't want him to be in a funk & I get so nervous when he misses a meal, because he doesn't eat enough to keep a bird alive and his diet is so limited.
Thanks so much for everything. The link you sent previously from your sister / sister in law (sorry I am unsure without checking exactly who) Jimmy feels has been so helpful. He has referred to it several times. Jimmy gets frustrated at times~ it's so difficult when you don't know what to expect, what to do... any information is so appreciated and helpful. I will be sure to pass on the ones above too. I need to dig into them myself. I just really appreciate the help. We refer to here often, because honestly there just isn't anyone in our everyday world that has hands on experience with this.
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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Jul/27/2007, 11:28 am
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suzidfloosey
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Re: Justin ~
Lost - the 'explore your feelings' book is supposed to be one that parents can work through with the child/young adult (obviously tweaking it acccording to the individual with ASD) quite effectively - maybe you could borrow the book from your local library? or perhaps even shawn's group may have a copy in their own library that parents can borrow. Pity about the weather as exercise in any form is a brilliant natural mood elevator and is especially effective for those with ASD. Even for Jimmy to invent somethign that just must be done at the w/end e.g all the foods in the cupboards are in a terrible state and they need to take them out, clean the cupboards and then re-organise them back in. YOu should see the job our lad can do with all the tinned etc foods - it's immaculate afterwards! I wonder even to get an activity going would stimulate. Of course company and playing with your lads would be good too. Perhaps they could play together and then prepare their own snack together and maybe watch a funny movie ( a lot of AS people have a great sense of humour - very slapstick!)? just some ideas coming to me but of course I don't know how they'd work in your situation.
Its so good to have had those evalutions - you know now that's not what it is. I do worry about the term depression because if mentioned to a doc who isn't fully 'in the know' can lead to prescriptions that just aren't as appropriate for those with an ASD brain. Their brain chemistry is different eg. frontal lobe less reactive etc so if meds are used it needs to be last resort after other therapies etc are tried. Not easy but then teh best things never are!
Hope the w/end goes well - you are Jimmy are angels, true angels!
Also, it is quite normal for the parent/guardian to have 121 talks to the therapists out of earshot of the ASD person so Shawn would not think this an unusual request.
Is Jimmy at a place now where he'd welcome contact with other parents/guardians of teens with AS? It's something he could ask Shawn about also - parents groups can be so helpful - like with toddler groups you can be honest and frank with the others there cause they understand what you're going through.
Oh enough rambling suzid.....take care ((()))
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Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
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Jul/27/2007, 3:41 pm
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1lost1
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Re: Justin ~
Parents messed up his grant papers (verification of correct information reported) & it's been a rough couple of days. Hoping for a miracle tomorrow and that they hold his schedule and allow us to submit everything late, and release his funds ~ but we aren't sure. Spent the last two nights scrambling and all of today on the phone with the college.
Books estimated cost 600 bucks for this semester, his Dad doesn't have it, haven't heard from Mom ... Jimmy and have already said if we get the miracle tomorrow we'll buy the books.
No guarantee at this point he is getting in... we didn't know that He was selected to verify the integrity of the grant applications. 1/3 of students are its the checks and balances system they have in place... I cannot tell you how totally devastated he will be if this falls apart as last night was very difficult. Tonight when we got home ~ he came trucking out the hall on his own. School is everything to him. We got his Dad to come in completed more paperwork than I have ever seen in my life and we are taking it to the college tomorrow.
Haven't been in a mood or not caring about what folks are saying, just been trying to force a miracle to happen... Will let you know how it plays out. Please  for him.
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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Aug/2/2007, 11:45 pm
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suzidfloosey
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Registered: 11-2006
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Re: Justin ~
Oh lord - typical that Justin would be one of the 1/3 this year of all years! Well done on the push to get the paperwork through and I'm sure if you give a full breakdown of what you guys have gone through the last 3-4months in stabilising Justin etc that they will accept it.
In fact I wonder lost would it be worth detailing step by step the issues over Justins re-location to Jimmy's house, all the set up you have had etc just on a one page report to support your grant application? Also, would shawn back that up by giving the college a call - that's what those guys are there for to back up the every day stuff? i t might help to get them to understand how busy it has been? just a thought.
good luck wtih that it would be tragic for school to not happen this year. I also wonder would he be eligible for a higher grant now given his defined disability? that's why i think Shawn could be a good backup for you here?
for you (amazing how much we need that emote!) and keep us up to date with how it's going
sx
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Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
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Aug/3/2007, 5:00 am
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1lost1
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Re: Justin ~
We have had another miracle.
Mike came in filled out the paperwork, we got it up to the school he will be admitted. He will attend. Should the paperwork not be up to their standards they will allow us to resubmit ~ regardless though he will be going. Release of funds is the only thing that can be affected.
Shawn is setting up a meeting with the Disabilities Counselor at the college ~ who I am not pleased with. Several times yesterday after me explaining Justin was left by himself for years he mentioned how inappropriate Justin's behavior is. That Justin isn't the only one with A.S. and his behavior does need modified. For going it alone ~ Justin did the best he could. He has just caught his break and now has folks who are working with him. Up until this time he has had nobody. I think it should be a given his behavior was inappropriate. He also questioned me several times as to why the parents have never contacted the school. I did explain they are drug addicts / alcoholics / very caught up in their own lives.... knowing that he still wanted to know why the parents are involved in his studies. He seems a bit daft. But he is what we have on campus so I have to play the game a bit I guess.
I did send him the diagnosis. I included this with it:
quote:
As requested diagnosis information for Justin *********. Pages 1-6 dealt with Justin's family history and as a matter of privacy we have not included that with this information. The diagnosis has been included as well as recommendations, treatment goals, discharge criteria as well as Psychologist information. Should you require anything additional please let me know.
Jimmy did not want personal family business released until he/we have met with him & verified who this guy is and what Privacy Practices he has to adhere to. The guy is a bit upset we did not include pages 1-6. And didn't understand that it was important to Jimmy to do X before he did Y.
Shawn is going to step in and deal with him and I hope he does find it in his heart to understand Justin went from later grade school years to last year on his own without parents. He was thrown chicken and cases of Pepsi to keep him occupied. We are aware his behavior can be inappropriate, we are working on Hygiene Issues, socializing, but it's going to take time.
Regardless he will attend and he has shared with us not only is he interested in Computer Programming, but he might try a bit of Acting as well.... God I love that kid.
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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Aug/3/2007, 1:20 pm
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suzidfloosey
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Re: Justin ~
Oh my god - how do these people get the jobs they do? Shawn needs to take over there and pull him into shape. Justins personal family stuff is none of their bloody business - they should just get relevant infro re. his educational needs and NO MORE!
here's a good link lost, it was produced by a university here to help staff to work with kids with AS.
AS College info
It is good info and might be something you could submit to the college. I can't believe that they are *****ing re. what are AS issues! Also, all kids with disabilities are also individuals and saying something like 'there are others with AS who don't do that' is not acceptable! it's actually a discriminatory statement.
wishing you lots and lots of luck here - and the result is still fab that he's in. WELL DONE ALL!
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Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
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Aug/3/2007, 2:34 pm
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1lost1
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Re: Justin ~
I cannot wait to dig into that link as I think Jimmy and I are going to need it. I am also giving it to Shawn. I just told Jimmy today we need to get with Shawn, possibly have him come to work if he gets this direction through the week and make sure that he gets with Greg (the guy on campus) and find out if he thinks Greg will be good for Justin. I really didn't like what he said or how he said it and I am concerned. Like I told Jimmy the college might be very comfortable with him and they might think he is the correct choice for the position he holds, but that doesn't make it gospel. I felt he was inappropriate and he made me uncomfortable. And... this is Justin's time to shine ~ the moment he has waited his whole life for even if he doesn't realize he has been waiting for it. He is just learning how to live, learning how to love & finally getting comfortable after such a traumatic couple of years. Obviously we can't protect him from everyone... but when something doesn't seem right we now have a bit of ability to look into it deeper & if that Greg isn't up to snuff, even with the position he holds within the college I would like it monitored.
Thanks so much for everything, there are no words to say how we appreciate it ~ we sure do though :)
Hope things are well with you and your family. I get so caught up in my stuff sometimes I forget to ask and I'm sorry about that. This whole situation has just consumed me though and I guess I will be off a little bit until I get a bt more comfortable and "in the know"
So, even when I don't ask you know I am anxious to hear what's going on in your world :)
Have a great weekend and thanks a million.
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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Aug/3/2007, 3:31 pm
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suzidfloosey
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Re: Justin ~
Oh we are fine Lost - if not I'd post LOL! Our lad is in good form and yest finished up with his tutor (usually a 4wks period in July) and was delighted - he told me 'I've just outgrown it' and the lady who does it while a wonderful understanding person was finding it hard to adapt to the fact that he's now 14 and different to who he was last year and has been through a year of secondary school and is a much different boy. He felt a bit overly protected etc by her which bugged him. She has been so amazing for us the last 3yrs tho' we are very grateful and she recognised that their time had come to an end also. He is heading into the last week of the microelec. course. He finally decided in his project (with just one week left to go LOL -organisation skills or lack of them again!) so was working on building his circuit last week and will hopefully get close to finishing it next week. They will have an open day in the local electronic institute I think and a party day as well. So that's our news - the other kids were visiting till late last night (well 9pm which is v.late in our house!) so are like cats fighting today! The joys!
Anyway - just wanted to add as well that when we get reports from psychologists etc for our boy, we get 2 reports, a reduced one for the school which focuses only on relevant issues in the school environment and a detailed one for consultants and health professionals. This is common practice and it isn't appropriate for a school to know the other stuff. A v.good educational psychologist that we had at the time suggested this to us and we've stuck to it ever since. That way the school doesn't feel we're 'holding back' info as their report is complete. It's easy for the assessor to do as they just cut and paste the relevant paragraphs into one and leave the other one complete.
hope the w/end goes well for y'all. It's a long one here so we have monday to relax as well.
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Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
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Aug/4/2007, 7:56 am
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1lost1
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Re: Justin ~
I love how he knows he has just outgrown it, as it related to his tutor who sounds like she was just wonderful. That made me chuckle this morning.
And I hope his project finishes up nicely. Late starts on things are a habit Justin has as well (from what we picked up prior to him moving in officially ~ he came and left Jimmy's house during school days last year). Will his project be displayed at the institute?
That Greg from the college emailed at the close of business yesterday. I didn't see it last night. He is being pretty insistent on pages 1-6. I explained that Shawn will be contacting him to set up a meeting and if he determines that information is relevant to be passed to the school, he will get Jimmy's permission and do so. And I think we are going to have to see if we can go the 2 report route ourselves.
Additionally... he wants Justin to exhibit more appropriate behavior. Which do I not just get it ... I think Justin's behavior is part of A.S. ~ I explained to him that Jimmy and I are by no means professionals in dealing with this that we have sought help and are doing what we are capable of and there are treatment goals in place (he has a copy it was part of the diagnosis) and we are doing what we can. We are following the treatment goals but have had no formal instruction with them to date. Obviously we don't go to campus with him so we don't see him there. I am guessing he exhibits similar behaviors on campus as at home. I also have to think at times him being on Campus is more stressful than being at home and possibly more "inappropriate behaviors" are witnessed. We need to talk to Shawn (we are going to set something up for as soon as Shawn is able), but until we do we have no idea on how to work on that. I have asked Greg if something is noticed or reported please bring it to our attention and we will do the best we can.
When something happens at home we do talk about it. Out latest venture has been when family comes over to visit (grandparent's, Mom & Dad (we included them even though it doesn't happen often) we would like him to come out and just say a quick hello. It was wonderful the other night, his paternal grandfather stopped to look at the air conditioning and I went back the hall and let Justin know and he came out, said hello, gave him hug and they chatted a bit. I explained that folks stop in they love him and they want to see him. Now we didn't run that past Shawn, we are, but we are hoping that's some of the things we should be working on and that we are doing it correctly. Limited things happen in the house though because it's usually just me, Jimmy, Olivia and Zak and Alex.
Jimmy has 2 cats, Justin has completely ignored them. When we were practicing filling out job applications the other night the littlest kitty crawled up on the chair behind him. He didn't notice because he was concentrating. When we finished he got up to start his chicken and noticed and was a bit shocked. I just explained the kitten likes to cuddle a bit and be close with family and Justin did pet him. It is the first I have seen him touch one of the cats. Jimmy almost fell right off of his feet. I am thinking he has been afraid of them to this point. I didn't ask him to touch the cat... some people just aren't cat people and I don't really know Justin's feeling about them. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask him at that specific time because I think if he didn't like them he would have felt uncomfortable saying so. I didn't want to take from the moment. He did pet him nicely and seemed happy the kitty cuddled with him. I also explained they were our cats. While Jimmy got them, he got them for us all to love and that they are animals that need love. I let him know if he wanted to open his door and have them in his room he could and if he didn't that would be fine too. I don't think he has had any exposure to cats and that maybe he stayed away from them because they are Jimmy's ~ I don't know.
Additionally Greg doesn't seem to understand Justin's parents and lack of involvement... as he questioned that last night (again) as well. He feels he would be more comfortable dealing with them. I again explained that they aren't involved to the degree we would like and Jimmy and I are helping him. Obviously we wish they were involved, but we can't have his Mom and Dad calling this guy looped out of their mind. I did remind him that Justin is of legal age though and doesn't need parental consent. If there was formal paperwork he would like to have in place we are willing to do so. I also questioned why he hasn't tried to set up a meeting to meet with Justin parents? That exercise alone would let him know what he is dealing with. I know he hasn't tried to do so because if he had he wouldn't be talking about them as he is now.
I think this guy at the school is a bit thick and unable to understand these aren't the best of circumstances, Justin didn't come from the type of family he is most accustomed to dealing with. It has him upset and he is being a bit of a buggar with me. Hopefully Shawn will have better luck with him than I do, maybe they will click. He and I haven't. I haven't said anything inappropriate, I haven't asked him to breech confidentiality. I have just updated him to the best of my ability and introduced myself and Jimmy to him, giving him our contact information. Additionally the list of things he wants us to work on I have agreed to work on each item he pointed out to us. I wouldn't be doing any of us a service by acting as if Justin's parents will be involved, they won't be. Additionally I had to let him know our experience is limited, but we are trying to familiarize ourselves with what is best for Justin ~ it won't happen overnight though. I don't know what else to do. Pages 1-6 were the demise of his and my relationship. I did not like a few of his comments, but through it all I have maintained my cool and never shown him any agitation or disrespect.
It is becoming more obvious as we begin this semester of college why your family and Jinzy get so frustrated dealing with the schools. It seems like with just the little exposure I have had if the road gets a bit bumpy the school doesn't want to deal with it. I hope this man doesn't think if he is rude or short Jimmy and I are going to lose interest is securing what is best for Justin as it relates to his education.
Wow I didn't realize how long this was (sorry). Have a great weekend and keep those kid cats from ripping each other apart today :)
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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Aug/4/2007, 9:40 am
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