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BurningKarma

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Registered: 01-2005
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Thorn Within

Yeah, another fic. i decided I should stop thinking to much about fics and write like i used to. Enjoying myself while writing and not thinking so much about who would think what. So here's my latest instalment.

--------------------

Lord,
In our grief we turn to you.
Are you not the God of love
Who opens your ears to all?

Merciful Lord,
You know the anguish of the sorrowful,
You are attentive to the prayers of the humble.
Hear your people who cry out to you,
And strengthen their hope in your lasting goodness

‘I will never stop being amazed by the fact that priests always look old.’ Josh told me in a sad attempt to cheer me up. ‘However,’ He continued. ‘In some TV shows they always manage to portray the priest as someone young and hot. As if a healthy hot male would ever become a priest.’
‘You never know Josh.’ I answered softly. ‘Some men, like women, do find peace in the church.’
‘Come on Stace!’ He snorted as we walked further onto the graveyard. ‘Why would you become a priest when you can prance around and shag everyone you want?’
I shot him a disapproving look. ‘Would you stop? We’re at Nick’s funeral.’
‘Stacy Velvet, Nick would’ve wanted us to laugh and mock everything we saw on this day, like you in a dress. Especially on this day.’ Josh stopped walking and laid his hand on my shoulder preventing me from walking on. ‘He told us not to cry for him.’
‘I haven’t failed in any of his requests but this one I can’t fulfil.’ I answered. ‘God, if there is any, was wrong for taking him away from us.’
‘Cancer took him, not god.’ Josh replied sticking his hands in his pockets and walking on.
‘And what’s so bad about this dress?’ I looked down at the knee length black dress. It was plain and it didn’t ooze sexiness but we weren’t going to a club. We were going to our best friend’s funeral.
Josh let his eyes linger over the dress and finally found my blue eyes. ‘Nothing, you just never wear a dress and I know Nick would’ve had a field day with it.’ He smirked.
‘Let’s just get this over with.’ I shook my head and continued the path I had dreaded walking for months. Nick knew right from the start that he wasn’t going to make it. The cancer in his lungs had spread in a record time and he used to joke about it too. Saying things like; Gimme another fag it’s not like it matters, no Josh not you I meant a cigarette.
He was very calm and resolute when it came to what he wanted for his funeral as if he had lived towards this moment since the day he was born. He had made it very clear that he didn’t want any sobbing or sad faces on his funeral. He said a sad face wasn’t the best face I could pull and how was I ever going to pick up a hot guy on his funeral. I had laughed at the time but now the day had come and I couldn’t. I have cried since I got the call from his mother; that Josh and I had to come to the hospital.
‘I don’t know how you do it.’ I told Josh as we sat down, front row.
‘I just remember that Nick would seriously kick my ass if I break down in front of you. Ghost or not.’
I reluctantly let out a laugh but covered my mouth right after. ‘That’s it Stace, just like Nick would want you too.’ Josh wrapped an arm around me and sighed. ‘No more three musketeers.’
‘Everything will be in two’s from now on, no more three’s.’ I sniffed even though I tried hard not too.`

He coughed and I watched not knowing how to help him. My heart ached for Nick. He was only 25, way to young to die. Because that’s whats happening, he was dying. ‘I wish I could take your pain away.’ I whispered when his coughing stopped.
‘Don’t be stupid.’ Nick semi snapped. ‘I don’t want to hear you say that. You’ve got your whole life in front of you.’
‘And what about you huh?’
‘I don’t have my whole life in front of me.’ He replied simply. ‘But you do. I don’t want you to cry over me. This is how it’s supposed to go. It’s okay.’
I shook ‘You don’t have to play tough with me Nick.’
‘I’m not.’ He moaned as he sat up. ‘Stacy promise me you won’t dwell on me dying okay? I know you.’
I took his hand and sighed bringing it up to my cheek. ‘I promise.’

After the funeral Josh and I had agreed to go for a late lunch. I had yet to tell him I was going to leave my life in England, North Yorkshire and I knew he wasn’t going to be happy about it. I had planned this before Nick got sick and put the plans on hold but now the time was as good as any for me to move on and start over. Originally I’m from Hanna, 215 kilometres northeast of Calgary. I couldn’t wait to get away from that place at the time. My best friend was trying to make his band famous and he succeeded. So when Chad left I called my aunt in England who told me I could live with her. There wasn’t anything to hold me back now. Nickelback, Chad’s band was on the right track. Last time I spoke to him was when he was on tour. We didn’t speak often but when we did we’d be on the phone for hours. Things weren’t great at that time of his last call and he insisted that I’d stay at his place in Vancouver. I agreed without thinking a lot about it, I wanted to pack my bags and leave immediately but I had to wait for his tour to end. And then Nick got sick, it took 3 months for the cancer to take him away from us. I hated to admit it but I needed the break. I quit my job and took all my savings out of my account from the bank I used to work at wiring it to another account.
Now Josh and I sat at the Bulls inn eating a sandwich and drinking a coffee while we discussed the funeral or rather, the people attending the funeral.
‘Nick would’ve had a sodding fit if he knew Angela was there!’ Josh perched his lips and made a tutting sound which off course made me snort. I watched Josh run his hand through his shoulder length dark hair and cross his legs.
‘She seemed upset.’
‘Off course she seemed upset.’ Josh answered in a drawling voice. ‘Her monthly income just disappeared into the ground.’
Both of us fell silent after that comment for a few minutes. ‘Well the funeral itself was nice wasn’t it?’
‘I still think he should’ve chosen something from Queen instead of a Metallica song.’ Josh brought his coffee cup to his lips and sipped it.
‘Nah, he wanted to shock the people there and… he succeeded.’ I laughed. ‘Did you see the look on his grandma’s face when Master of puppets blasted through the speakers?’
‘What ever possessed him to choose that song?’
‘It’s a good song!’
‘Maah.’
‘Maah what?’
Josh shrugged. ‘I would’ve gone with something more… appropriate.’
‘Nick was a huge Metallica fan, it was appropriate because Master of puppets was his favourite song. When they played fade to black though…’ I shuddered and noticed Josh to do the same thing.
‘I can’t believe he isn’t here anymore.’
‘Me neither.’
‘At least I still have you to go clubbing with.’ He smirked. ‘Who else would join me in my quest to find the perfect man?’
I choked on my coffee. ‘Josh, remember when I told you I was going to go to Canada for a while?’
‘Ye-…’ He fell silent. ‘You mean…’
I nodded, no words were needed and none were uttered. I just looked at him and he stared back at me. ‘You’re leaving me.’ He finally stated.
‘Not forever, just for a while you know? I need a change Josh. First my aunt, then the bad relationship with Diego and then Nick. I just can’t cope.’ I answered gently.
‘But what about your job?’
‘I quit my job, I packed my bags… I’m sorry to be this selfish Josh but I need to go.’
‘No… No you’re right. I might do something, go somewhere. Hey, maybe I can visit you in Canada?’
‘That would be great.’ I nodded.
‘When do you leave Stace?’
‘Tomorrow evening.’ I replied. ‘At 8.’
Josh nodded. ‘I’ll take you to the airport then.’

Last edited by BurningKarma, 11/10/2005, 1:51 am

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11/9/2005, 3:14 am

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Re: Torn Within

So the next night Josh and I made our way to the airport. The drive down was quiet and long without either of us talking but we were both lost in our thoughts. When we arrived at the airport I checked in and left my suitcases behind with the woman and turned to Josh again.
‘We’re just in time.’ I grinned.
‘Oh Stace, I’ll miss you so much.’ Josh flung his arms around my neck. ‘What am I to do without you? Without my best friend? Who will tell me what to wear when I go out?’
‘I’m sure you’ll be able to manage. Just don’t wear blue okay? Not your colour.’ I smiled running a hand through my hair. ‘This isn’t goodbye forever; this is, see ya in a few months.’
‘I know, I know.’ Josh sighed again. ‘Just… make sure Kroeger takes care of you okay?’ He fixed my blonde hair and smiled through tears.
‘Stop it Josh, don’t cry.’ Flight 406 to Canada is now boarding. ‘I have to go.’
‘Okay, yes I know. Just go.’ He waved a feeble hand at me. ‘I will talk to you when you get there alright? Make sure you bloody call me!’
‘I will!’ With a last hug and a kiss on his check I ran to the gate and handed the stewardess my boarding pass.

‘First Class? To you’re left.’
I thanked the woman, ignoring the look of amazement on her face when she noticed I was flying in style. With thanks to Chad who insisted I’d travel in comfort if I were to fly that long. And who was I to contradict him?
I settled myself in my seat and was happy to find someone else next to me. He looked about 35ish and he looked nice with his dark blonde spiky hair. ‘Better than an 80 year old man snoring the flight away.’ I muttered before sitting down. ‘Hi.’ I greeted the guy. He nodded and showed me a small smile before turning back to an emergency leaflet. When I settled besides him I grabbed my book; Emma by Jane Austen, and was about to read the first line when the man spoke up. ‘You know… those emergency guidelines,’ He paused to look at me. ‘Do you think you’ll be able to find the exit when there’s an emergency?’
I chuckled. ‘Well isn’t it just a case of finding it before something happens?’
‘It says here, down the isle in the middle.’ The man pointed it out. ‘If there’s total chaos would you know where the middle is?’
‘Good point.’ I laughed. ‘We’ll have to ask the stewardess to seat us close to the nearest emergency exit.’
‘James Hetfield.’ He extended his hand and I took it.
‘Stacy Velvet.’ I nodded. ‘You’re that guy from Metallica right?’
James’ eyes took me in wearily. ‘Fan?’
‘Not really, sorry. I had a best friend who was totally into Metallica, he had posters of you lot.’
James nodded. ‘It’s good to talk to a non fan so don’t be sorry.’
Just as I wanted to return to my book when the conversation died out he spoke again. ‘So Canada, business or pleasure?’
‘Pleasure… you?’
‘Little of both I guess. Our drummer is there for some **** and I need to go there.’
‘And the pleasure part is?’ I wondered.
‘Being in Canada, it’s been a while. I like it there, Lars and I can go for some beers and relax… you know? I’ve stayed with my friend in England for too long anyway. Longer than I intended in the first place.’
I just nodded in reply.
‘Where are you headed? You said you were there for pleasure, any guy friends waiting for you there?’
My mouth dropped slightly at his question. ‘You’re not the least bit shy are you? If you were wondering if my boyfriend was waiting for me there than the answer is no.’
James chuckled, no doubt at my annoyed reply. And I felt ashamed for snapping at him. ‘Single?’ he asked.
‘For far too long.’ I nodded calming down a bit. For some reason my mind drifted off to the mile high club and wondering what it would be like. I mentally slapped myself. ’Get a grip!’ ‘What about you?’
He was silent for a bit. ‘I’m married.’ The way he said it made me curse at myself yet again. ’Great going Stacy!’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.’
‘You didn’t.’ He smiled and turned the conversation elsewhere.

After we were in the air for a while I was still feeling crappy about my question and felt the need to make it up somehow. ‘Hey I was wondering,’ I paused to make sure I knew what I was saying. I didn’t want to come across as desperate for a shag because I wasn’t attracted to him in that way, I didn’t go for that kind of guy. ‘Would you like to maybe exchange phone numbers and go for a drink some day?’
James looked at me, surprised.
‘I’m not a crazed fan, I won’t sell you’re phone number to anyone I pro-’
‘I know!’ He got a napkin and scribbled his number down. ‘Don’t ask me how I know, I normally never… y’know?’ I grinned at the way he stuck his tongue out while he wrote before I did the same and handed it to him. ‘I’ll call you.’
‘Okay.’ I was satisfied and way calmer now than before. I sat back and tried to focus on the film they were showing but I was a nervous wreck and I didn’t really know why. Maybe I was just nervous about seeing Chad again; he told me he was engaged now so I would meet his fiancée, Marianne? ’Yeah, Marianne.’ Maybe I was nervous about seeing the guys again, especially Ryan, I was wondering how he was doing. And Mike, Nik… I sighed trying to focus on the lame assed film they were playing, and hoping I’d be there soon.

Soon the plane touched down and I felt my stomach lurch. I was in Canada, away from all the stuff in England. My boring life, Nick’s absence and other things that bothered me. I stood up and started walking when I remembered I forgot my purse. I stopped and bumped right into James. ‘Sorry, my pu-’ He handed my purse to me. ‘Right erm… thanks.’ I turned around again and headed to the exit.
‘Remember where the exit is?’ I felt James’ warm breath in my neck as he spoke quietly. I giggled in return while shaking my head.
Once we were out of the plane we walked together pulling our suitcases behind us. I saw an airport employee waiting for me with a sign saying my name. ‘Well that’s my cue.’ I smiled at James. ‘I will see you soon then?’
‘Yeah, it was great to meet you Stacy.’
‘Same here.’ An awkward moment followed before we both headed our own way.

---

11/9/2005, 3:15 am

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BurningKarma

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Re: Torn Within

-----Last one-----

I followed the employee to a separate room and when the door opened I saw him standing there. His long blonde curly hair was held back by his sunglasses on top of his head. ‘Chad!’
‘Stace!’ I walked over, flinging my arms around his neck and hugging him close. ‘I missed you!’
‘God, look at you. You look great Kroeger.’ I grinned.
‘How was you’re flight?’
‘It was great.’ Chad gave me a look. ‘Fine, it was long but it was okay. I met James Hetfield and-’
‘James Hetfield? As in THE James Hetfield of Metallica?’
‘Erm yah… why?’
‘I’m a huge Metallica fan! Where is he?’ Chad tried to look past me as if I was hiding James behind my back.
‘he’s probably on his way to meet up with his drummer friend… **** what’s his name again?’
‘Lars?’ Chad choked the name.
‘Yeah that’s the one.’ I eyed Chad curiously. ‘You’re not telling me that you’re the kind of fan James talked about right?’
‘What kind?’
‘the ones whose eyes pop out when they see them and then they start choking on their words-’
‘No! Off course not!’ He replied slightly miffed. ‘Let’s go okay?’ he took my suitcase from me and we walked out of the room.
‘We’re meeting up for drinks some time; did you want to come along?’ The moment I asked it I knew I shouldn’t. Chad jumped in the air screaming “Yes!” and then did some kind of weird happy dance. I shook my head laughing.

The drive to his place wasn’t too long. He announced we were arriving in 15 minutes. Chad and I decided not to mention Metallica or any of its band members in his presence again and we now discussed his fiancée. ‘You’re sure she’s okay with me staying?’
‘Are you kidding me? We’ve been best friends for years; she’s dying to meet you.’
‘Please, I’m not little miss perfect. I’m sure she’ll think I’m some weird British woman with some loose screws.’
‘Actually, Marianne is exactly like you. She even likes vanilla ice-cream with fudge. The whole fridge is full of that stuff.’ Chad laughed at the face I pulled. ‘Yes you can have a bowl when we get there.’
‘Even if it is 6 AM?’
‘Yep, no problem.’
My phone started screaming in a high pitched tone of voice making us both jump. ‘Ha, text message.’
‘You’ll never seize to amaze me with the weirdness.’
‘Told you.’ I smirked turning to my phone. ’Are ya there yet? Josh’ ‘It’s Josh, you can relax now.’
‘I am relaxed.’
‘Are not! Ever since I told you I gave James my number you’ve been tense.’ I laughed. ‘he’s just a guy you know? Granted, he’s a famous guy but a guy none the less.’
‘Yeah but he’s a Metallica guy. A Metallica front man guy. I was inspired by him to do all this! He’s my… my…’
‘Role model? Daddy-o?’
Chad shot me a look. ‘Fine, mock me.’
‘Mock you? I’d never!’
‘You liar!’ Chad huffed. ‘Here we are! Oh look, Ryan’s here.’
‘Ry-ry?’ I chuckled.
‘Yes Ry-ry… he’ll murder you if you call him that in front of Marianne. He’ll never live it down.’
‘He’d better watch his steps then.’ I laughed. ‘The ultimate ammo.’

‘Marianne!’ He called out. ‘Ryan!’
I stood nervously behind Chad wishing I could fast forward over this. I hated introducing myself and I was nervous about Ryan. Off course I knew what he looked like. Lately they were in every music magazine I saw. He had grown to be quite the handsome man but I haven’t seen him for so long. He was my first real love.
‘Marianne, meet Stacy.’ Chad led her over to me and I smiled nervously.
‘Great to meet you. Chad can’t stop talking about you! Please tell me you have some great gossip about Chad when he was younger.’
‘No she doesn’t.’
‘Well there was this one time at band camp.’ I grinned.
‘Band camp? You went to band camp?’ Marianne laughed.
‘I was never at band camp.’ He told her. ‘Stace, tell her you’re lying!’
I shrugged and smiled mischievously. ‘it’s not only Ryan who should watch his step huh.’
‘Gah! You’re annoying. I forgot how annoying you could be!’ Chad ruffled my hair. ‘Where’s Ryan?’
‘In the studio. He wanted to practise on his guitar for a bit.’ Marianne answered.
‘You two stay here and don’t move.’ Chad took a few steps. ‘Okay you can go to the kitchen where you-’
‘DRIVE IN.’ I spoke firmly. Chad’s face turned red and he hurried off without finishing that sentence.
‘I think we’ll get along great.’ Marianne grinned.
‘At least I have ammo.’ I replied looking at my feet.
‘How about a coffee huh? It’s early and you had a long flight.’ Marianne walked to the kitchen and I followed her leaving my suitcase by the door.
‘How do you drink you’re coffee?’
‘Black, like my soul.’
‘Is you’re soul that black? I wonder about you’re conscious.’
‘My conscious is white… never use it.’ I leaned on the kitchen counter while she poured the cups. ‘No sugar.’ I said when she offered it. We then went to sit at the kitchen table waiting on Chad and Ryan.
‘So Chad tells me you and Ryan were together.’
‘Yeah, a long time ago.’ I smiled.
‘Way too long.’ Ryan spoke up from the doorway. My eyes shot up and I found his. ‘Hey Stace.’
‘Ryan, it’s good to see you.’ I stood up and walked over. I stopped wondering if I should hug him or not but he took the lead, pulling me into his arms.
‘it’s good to see you too.’ He pulled back to look at me. ‘How was the flight?’
‘Long and tiring.’
‘Do you want to sleep?’ Chad asked. ‘Ryan will be here for a while you know? We can all have dinner together when you’re up.’
‘Yeah you should.’ Ryan added hugging me with one arm.
‘I’ll show you you’re room.’ Chad offered walking off to get my suitcase.
‘I guess I could do with a bit of shut eye.’ I agreed. ‘See you later?’ I asked Ryan. He nodded in response.
‘We will talk later.’ He added.

Chad showed me the incredible bedroom. It had a big twin bed made from oak wood. ‘The bathroom is there, all yours and erm… yeah you’re stuff can go here.’ He pointed at a closet. ‘TV is there, remote on your bedside table.’
‘I’ll be fine Chad.’ I smiled. ‘Thanks again for letting me stay. It means a lot.’
‘I’ll be downstairs if you need me.’ He hugged me and left me on my own. I unpacked and checked the view which was stunning. Right then my phone screamed again scaring me out of my wits. ‘I need to change that tone.’ I checked the message I got. ‘James.’ My face turned into a wide smile. ’Hope your well, just wanted to say I enjoyed talking to ya and hope we meet soon.’ I nodded to myself and replied saying we could meet on Saturday.

---

11/9/2005, 3:16 am

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Re: Thorn Within

When I woke up I glanced at the clock. It was 7:30 PM, I stretched myself and sat up. ‘Jetlagged much.’ I muttered to myself getting out of bed. I pulled my robe on and slippers walking down the hall and the stairs in search of anyone with a pulse. ‘Hello?’
It was eerily quiet inside the house but once I made it to the back I heard voices in the back yard. I walked towards the sound and was amazed by the garden. It was huge, a big outdoor swimming pool at the side with rocks and everything. ‘Hello?’
‘Stacy!’ Mike tackled me from the side.
‘Mike watch out!’ We stumbled towards the water and soon we hit it with a loud splash. When I came up for air I gasped whipping my hair out of my face. ‘MIKE! Dammit.’ I scowled.
‘Sorry! My bad.’
‘You’re bad? Ugh Mike!’ I wadded over to the side and Chad helped me out once he was done laughing at me. ‘Ha ha very funny.’
‘Maybe you should get dressed.’
‘Yeah maybe.’ I shot Chad an amused look before walking back to my room. I had to chuckle about it, Mike was always as excited as a loyal puppy.

Once I was showered and dressed I made a second attempt to walk into that garden. Eyeing Mike as I made my way over to the chair. ‘Hi again.’ I smiled.
‘How was the shower?’ Marianne wondered as she poured me a glass of cola.
‘Aw man its great! I love that bathroom.’ I nodded. ‘Which reminds me, where did you buy those towels? Their so fluffy.’
‘Are you sure you brought Stacy back from the airport little brother?’ Mike spoke up. ‘Cause it doesn’t sound like her.’
‘It’s been 10 years since we last saw her. Things change.’ Ryan replied matter of factly before bringing the bottle of beer to his lips.
‘Stop talking about me as if I’m not here.’ I pouted crossing my arms. ‘Besides; what’s so different?’
‘The way you dress for one.’ Mike smirked.
‘I always wore stuff like this.’ I look down at my black top and jeans. ‘I swear to god. When I wear a dress Josh starts to nag, when I wear this you lot start to nag. Where does it end?’
‘I think you look nice.’ Marianne piped up. ‘What do they know? Their men.’
‘Very true.’ I agreed. ‘Look at what their wearing!’
‘What?’ Mike pointed at his shirt. ‘Diesel, it’s a brand.’
‘It’s also a fuel.’ I smirked. ‘And a bit plain.’
Mike looked as if he was thinking about my words and then his face lit up. ‘Well I knew you were coming so I figured I didn’t have to wear anything special.’
I gasped exaggeratedly. ‘You don’t want to dress up for me?’
‘Mike never knew when to impress someone.’ Ryan chuckled.
‘So you do like what I’m wearing then?’
‘It’s different but yeah.’
‘What’s so different from way back when?’ I asked. ‘It’s not as if I changed so much.’
‘I don’t know, it’s just different.’ Chad shrugged.
Ryan smiled. ‘It’s the person in the clothes who changed… for the better off course!’ he added quickly when I shot him a look.
‘Well, I don’t know. I think it was good for me to leave to England when I did. It did me a lot of good, met new people and made new friends.’ I replied resolutely.
‘Did you even miss us woman?’ mike pouted.
‘Duh, off course I did. I’ve never met anyone like you besides off course… you.’
Chad laughed pointing at me. ‘You’re starting to confuse yourself again!’
‘Shut up Kroeger boy. When’s dinner anyway?’
‘We’re waiting on Ryan’s wife and daughter. We’re going out for dinner.’
The air was knocked out of me. ‘You’re wife and daughter?’ I asked trying to keep my voice from breaking.
Ryan frowned at Chad before answering. ‘Yeah.’
‘Cool. Well I erm… I’m gonna go change since we’re going out.’ Before anyone could object I fled from the garden trying to figure out why I was so thrown off by this. Did I really expect things between Ryan and me to be like they were ten years back? Just then the phone started ringing stopping my whirl of thoughts. ‘Hello?’
‘Stacy?’
‘This is Stacy.’ I answered.
‘It’s James.’
‘Oh hi.’
‘Wow, don’t break anything by being so enthusiastic.’
I sighed. ‘Sorry. How are you?’
‘I’m good. Just called to see if we’re still on for Saturday?’
‘Yep we are.’ I nodded though I knew he couldn’t see. ‘Is it okay if I bring Chad? I don’t want to get lost y’know?’
‘Sure, no problem.’ James told me where we were meeting and what time. ‘So we’ll meet then?’
‘Y-yeah, that’s cool.’ We said good bye just as I reached my room. I walked in and let myself fall face forward onto the bed. ‘Get a grip Stacy.’ My voice was muffled by the blankets.
The door opened and I moaned frustrated knowing it was Ryan. ‘Stacy, what’s wrong?’
‘Nothing, just jetlagged you know?’
‘Oh come on! You were doing fine until Chad told you my wife and baby were coming.’
‘Well it kinda surprised me okay?’ I sat up looking at him. ‘I didn’t expect that.’
Ryan joined me by sitting on the bed next to me. ‘You couldn’t have thought we still had a chance for a thing right?’
I frowned. ‘Off course not!’ I lied. ‘What on earth makes you think that Ryan?’
‘I don’t know. All I know is that you’re the one who left me, and I gave up trying when you didn’t want to talk to me. I moved on.’
‘So did I okay?’ I answered. ‘A-a-as a matter of fact, I’m meeting up with my boyfriend this Saturday.’ ’Nooooo! Why did you go and say that for? Idiot!’
‘Who is he?’
‘James Hetfield.’ I answered as smugly as I could. I walked to the closet and looked through the clothes.
‘****ing Hetfield? Yeah right!’
I turned around at the sound of his voice. Sadness made room for anger when he spoke to me like that. ‘You don’t think I can get with someone like that Ryan?’
‘No as a matter of fact I don’t.’ he crossed his arms. ‘I think you’re making it all up. He’s married for ****’s sake.’
’hole in one’ ‘I can’t believe you’re saying this!’
‘if it’s true then I’m coming with you on Saturday.’
‘And what makes you think I’d want you too?’ I asked in a last attempt to keep him home.
‘He’s you’re boyfriend… don’t you want to show him off?’
‘Unlike my other boyfriends he’s not some big fluffy show puppy.’ I poked my tongue out. We heard the doorbell ring. ‘Oh… wife and kid. Hurry along now.’
As soon as Ryan scowled at me and walked out the door I closed it behind him and ran to my phone. I pressed speed dial number two and waited.
‘Josh Herin’
‘Josh! I ****ed it up!’
‘Already?’ He laughed.
‘Don’t laugh! I really did something stupid this time.’ I told him about the flight and how I met James Hetfield. After explaining who he was and what I said to Ryan, Josh was already planning my wedding. ‘Josh, stop it! I’m not getting married! I’m not even with James.’ I hissed. ‘Not even ****ing close! I don’t even like him that way. Oh god. What did I get myself into now?’ I took a deep breath and fanned myself while I paced the bedroom.
‘Stace, relax and breathe. I know you, you’re probably turning purple. What you’re gonna do is the following.’ He replied in a drawling tone of voice.

---

11/10/2005, 3:09 am

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Re: Thorn Within

About half an hour later I was calmed down, dressed in new attire and the knowledge that things would be okay. I put a smug look on my face while I walked down the stairs. When I reached the last step I was faced with Chad. ‘What happened with you and Ryan?’
‘Nothing happened. Why?’
Chad crossed his arms and stared into my eyes. ‘Stacy.’ He spoke my name slowly and with a hint of warning.
‘Fine! He threw the whole wife and kid thing on me so I,’ I took the last step and started walking away from Chad. ‘I kinda told him James Hetfield is my boyfriend.’
‘What?’ He grabbed my arm and pulled me back. ‘Does he know this?’
I didn’t reply. ‘Stacy! Why did you say that?’
‘**** if I know! It was out of my bloody mouth before I knew it. Please don’t tell Ryan. I will be humiliated for life!’
Chad sighed. ‘I’m not telling him. You are.’
‘Yeah… but not today!’
‘There she is!’ Marianne’s voice announced herself and a brunette whom I guessed was Ryan’s wife. ‘Stacy, meet Gabrielle.’
‘Hi.’ I put on my most charming smile. ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘And you, Ryan has told me a lot about you.’ She smiled back.
‘He tells me you have a little girl together?’ By now I was forcing the words out of my mouth and trying not to let them see or hear it.
Gabrielle nodded and called for Ryan. I closed my eyes letting out the softest sigh and when I opened them I was facing the cutest little baby face I ever saw. ‘Meet Sandy.’ Ryan spoke up. He practically forced the baby into my arms.
‘Hey Sandy.’ I cooed. ‘Aren’t you a pretty little girl? How old is she?’
‘6 months.’ Gabrielle said.
I forced another smile. This could’ve been my baby, my husband had I not left.
‘Ryan tells us you and James Hetfield are together?’ Marianne piped up. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Ah well you know? Ha… yeah.’ I shrugged moving my foot over the floor checking it for cracks that could open up and swallow me to the underworld. ‘I’m shy that way.’
‘Let’s stop chatting and get going, I’m hungry!’ never have I been more happy with Mike. My hero of the day.
‘Yes Mike is right.’ I saw Chad’s look and quickly turned to hand Sandy over to Gabrielle and get my jacket. ‘I’m famished!’

‘Great restaurant.’ I looked over the menu and already saw about ten things I didn’t know what it was because it was in French.
Marianne leaned into me. ‘I never know what it says. I usually let Chad order for me.’
‘Oh I know what it all means.’ I glanced at Chad who gave me a disapproving look.
‘How about I order for us all?’ Mike asked.
‘That sounds great!’ I was starting to feel sick with myself. I knew Nick would be turning in his grave, not because of shame but laughter.
Mike ordered our meals and we were having a really good time drinking wine. I found I had a lot in common with Gabrielle and Marianne. Everything was going great; nobody mentioned James yet this evening. Maybe they would all forget about it!
‘Stacy, what a coincidence.’ I stiffened and didn’t dare to turn around but knew I had to.
‘James.’ it’s karma… I know it is. I am being punished. I’ll be reincarnated in a next life as a dung beetle.’ ‘What a surprise.’ I choked.
‘James Hetfield.’ Chad jumped up and shook his hand. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I was here earlier and Lars left his phone.’ He showed it to us. ‘I’ll better leave you to it.’
‘No way man! You’re Stacy’s boyfriend, stay with us. You’re more than welcome.’
I was about ready to die when Mike opened his mouth. I didn’t dare to look at him but from the corner of my eyes I saw Ryan put a chair between me and Gabrielle for him. I felt my cheeks burn with shame, what must he think of me? James didn’t say a word but sat down and to my amazement put his arm around me. He planted a kiss on my cheek. ‘Well when Stacy told me she was going to meet up with her old friends I figured I’d leave you all to it. You know?’
Now I did look at him, in amazement.
‘Are you having fun darlin’?’ he asked.
‘Y-yeah baby.’ I answered. ‘It’s been so long since I saw them and… yeah. How’s Lars?’
‘Lars is great.’ James answered he winked at me and all I could do was try not to open my mouth to wide. I was so grateful that he covered me.
‘I thought you were married James.’ Ryan suddenly asked. I held my breathe wondering how he was going to react. He arm on my shoulder tightened around me. ‘We broke up quite a while back.’ I glanced at his hand, the ring was gone yet it had been there in the plane, or wasn’t it?
Soon he was deep in conversation with Chad, Mike, Nik and Ryan about music and his hand lay contently on my leg as if it was what he always did. Everyone seemed to buy it and I felt happy for the first time in months. I was content with just listening to Marianne and Gabrielle, I sat back sipping my glass of champagne, my stomach full when James softly squeezed my leg. I looked up and he leaned in. ‘I think we need to talk?’
I nodded in reply not sure if he wanted to talk right now or later tonight but he stood up. ‘I really have to go now. Stacy, can you walk me to the car?’
‘Off course.’ I nodded again and got up as well. ‘I’ll be right back.’ I smiled at Marianne who was rocking Sandy in her stroller.

---

11/10/2005, 3:09 am

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Re: Thorn Within

-----last one-----

‘Boyfriend huh?’ James asked chuckling softly when we got outside.
‘Ryan cornered me with some news and I didn’t think and I just told him that, I’m really sorry. I’m really not crazy even though you must think that right now.’
James shook his head. ‘I don’t think that.’
‘You do.’ I pouted. ‘And I can’t blame you. I always manage to make a mess out of things.’
‘I didn’t mind to play you’re boyfriend for tonight but I think you will need to tell them the truth eventually.’
I nodded. ‘I know… only Chad knows the truth right now.’
‘Tell Ryan. I honestly think that guy is not over you. He kept throwing me looks all through dinner.’
‘I don’t care. He’s married and he’s got a little girl now. There’s no place for me in his life anymore.’
James pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. ‘Just don’t invite anyone for our imaginary wedding huh.’
‘Ass.’ I slapped his back weakly while I laughed.
‘What shall we call our imaginary baby?’
‘James Junior?’ I triggered an outburst of laughter from James. ‘Glad you think it’s all funny.’
‘To be quite frank, I haven’t laughed like this in a long time. I’ve known you for what? About 16 hours and I feel more comfortable with you than Lars at the moment.’
‘Wanna talk about it?’
James pulled out of our hug, shoving his hands into his pockets. ‘Nah, I don’t wanna bore you with my crap.’
I snorted. ‘And I didn’t with my crap?’
‘True.’ James winked and kissed my cheek again. ‘Are we still on for Saturday.’
‘Oh! Ha… yeah… About that.’ I started nervously. ‘Chad and Ryan want to come along.’
‘Will I still be you’re boyfriend?’
‘I’m not looking forward to telling Ryan the truth but I will before its Saturday.’ I sighed. It was gonna be the hardest thing I would have to do not to mention the humiliation of telling everyone James wasn’t really my boyfriend but just a guy I met on an airplane.
James was silent for a few minutes. ‘Let them think whatever they wanna think okay? Don’t worry so much about what they think about you.’
‘You don’t understand.’ I shook my head. ‘I can’t tell them about all my ****, they will feel sorry for me and I don’t want that.’ I felt tears starting to burn their way to the surface and I frowned blinking them away.
‘Hey,’ James rubbed my upper arms with his hands. ‘You know they say it’s easier to talk to someone you hardly know than someone you’ve known for ages… If you need to talk I’m here for ya.’
‘Why are you being so nice to me?’
‘I don’t know Stacy; I just get a good feeling around you. That’s what I need right now.’
‘Aah so you’re using me?’
James laughed. ‘You’re silly. Go inside, it’s cold… I’ll call you.’
‘Yeah okay.’ I watched James get into the car. ‘See you.’
‘Good luck.’ He added.

That night we came home late. It was a lot of fun and I was extremely tired but still I hadn’t told anyone about my lie. I lay in bed in the dark thinking about how great James had been about this all. If it had been me in his shoes I would’ve been angry. James was great, he had been so sweet and I felt it too. The comfortable feeling I got from being around him. Would it be so bad to have a relationship with him? He was cute, considerate. ‘Ugh what are you thinking about! You’ve know the guy for a day, you don’t know, know him.’ I turned around pulling the blankets with me and I tried to think about something else. But the last thought on my mind was James.

I woke up at 6 am cursing at myself for waking up so early; on the other hand it seemed to become a normal thing for me ever since Nick got sick. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before heading to the shower. There was no chance I was going to get sleep now.
I undressed and turned the water tap on. Moments later I stepped into the shower and allowed myself to relax under the streams of hot water. My mind became foggy and all bad memories of the previous day seemed to drift away. After a few minutes I opened my eyes and grabbed the shampoo to wash my hair.
When I came out of the shower I took the time to look at myself long and hard. I shook my head when I felt ashamed for what I did and then tried to talk myself out of feeling just that. ‘You’re wrong.’ I told my reflection. My phone rang in the bedroom so I quickly made my way over to it before it woke anyone up. ‘Stacy.’ ’The deceiving lying idiot’
‘It’s Mrs Hendriks.’ The voice on the other end announced. ‘Nicks mother.’
‘Yes hello Mrs Hendriks, how are you?’ I clutched the towel around me and sat down on the side of my bed.
‘I’ve been alright considering. I was cleaning out Nick’s room and I found some stuff you might want to have.’ I could hear she was having trouble keeping her emotions in check.
‘Is it possible for you to send them out to me? Or shall I ask Josh to come by?’
‘Ask Josh, I have stuff for him too.’
‘I will do that Mrs Hendricks.’ I spoke softly.
Mrs Hendricks scraped her throat. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘I miss him.’ I answered simply. ‘I’m trying to move on but it’s just hard.’
‘I know sweetheart… I feel the same way.’ She sniffed. ‘I will call Josh… And I will talk to you soon.’
‘Alright, and thank you Mrs Hendricks.’
‘Welcome dear.’
We hung up and I sat there wondering what stuff she had for me. I was sure josh would send them out to me soon. After a few minutes I got up and continued dressing myself before I went down for some coffee. This day had a harder start than the days before.

That morning was slow. I came down and discovered nobody was up yet and by the time it was 8 AM I was still alone but now I was hungry too. I decided to make coffee and found some bread in the cupboard. I made toast and took my breakfast outside where the sun was warming the terrace. I sat myself down and sipped my coffee enjoying the rays of sun on my face.
‘I was thinking about Hanna yesterday.’ I jumped at Ryan’s voice.
‘Ryan, what are you still doing here?’
‘I just came in to record some stuff.’ He shrugged.
‘I see.’
‘When did you stop being happy?’
I eyed him wearily. ‘What do you mean?’
‘With me, us.’ Ryan sat down on another chair and eyed me. I knew there was no way out of this.
‘Gee, never thought being reunited with you lot would bring so much drama.’ I joked but Ryan wasn’t amused. ‘You and the guys were leaving me. You were on the way of being famous and I knew you wouldn’t need me anymore. I just figured I’d protect my heart and leave you before you could do it to me.’
Ryan nodded taking in my words. ‘So that’s why?’
‘Yes the truth. I was afraid to be left alone in the end and loosing you all. I figured it would be selfish if I asked you not to go. Then the opportunity to go to England came and I just took it.’ I watched Ryan closely. ‘We were young Ryan.’
‘I’m glad you’re happy now.’ Ryan replied. ‘With James.’
‘About that.’
‘No really, I mean it. I would’ve felt worse if you weren’t happy at all. I’m just glad you got him.’
’Hello guilt trip!’ ‘Yeah… thanks.’

---

11/10/2005, 3:10 am

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Re: Thorn Within

‘I can’t James. I’m sorry I am such a stupid idiot!’ I moaned running my hand through my hair later that day. ‘I tried to tell him but then he said he would feel worse if I wasn’t happy and well… he was happy I had you because if I wasn’t with you-’
‘Stacy stop rambling.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Stop saying sorry.’ James ordered. ‘Look, we can’t keep this charade on you know? I mean… we’re not in a relationship.’
I snorted. ‘You’re married for ****s sake.’
‘Hmm, yeah well… anyways.’
‘James? Remember what you said about being able to talk to someone you’re not close too?’
‘We’re close… weren’t we together?’ The sound of his voice made me giggle.
‘Ass hole.’
‘You need some time away from there. How about going out tonight, just you and me.’ He suggested.
‘I don’t know James.’
‘Come on Stacy, you need a time out. Just plain old fun, yeah!’ He cheered.
I laughed in response.
‘How bad can it be to spend time with your boyfriend?’
‘You are obnoxious.’ I laughed again. ‘You’re taking this really well seeing as I lied about having a relationship with you.’
‘Yeah but it’s not the worst thing that’s ever happened to me y’know?’ James chuckled softly. ‘So it’s a date then? I’ll pick you up at eight.’
‘Chad will love that.’ I played with my hair while looking at my reflection in the mirror.
‘What?’
‘Having you come over to pick me up.’
‘Oh actually I’ll be there at 7. Chad asked me to look at his studio.’
‘Oh… toys for boys huh?’
‘You want to play with me?’ I gasped softly wondering what exactly he meant.
‘Do you want me to play with you? Got bored of playing on your own?’ I chuckled.
James was silent for a short while. ‘You’re a *****.’ He stated jokingly.
‘I know… see you later then?’
‘Absolutely.’
We hung up and I beamed for a second. I was happy to have something fun to look forward too.

I thought I’d go for a swim so I skipped my way down the stairs in my bathrobe and saw Ryan right in the living room. ’Okay… detour.’
‘Stacy?’
’Crapolo.’ ‘Yes Ryan?’ I replied while making my way to the kitchen.
‘Are you avoiding me?’
‘Are you stalking me?’ I glanced at him and then grabbed a coke from the fridge closing the door when I was done. I opened the can and waited for a reply but when none came I looked up.
‘Do you feel it?’
I frowned. ‘Feel what?’
‘That tension in the room whenever we’re together?’
‘What?’ My voice turned slightly high pitched in disbelief. I did not come back for this.
‘Why do I get the feeling you and I…’
‘There is no you and I Ryan even if I wanted there to be which I don’t! There is you and Gabrielle and baby.’
Ryan sighed looking at me. ‘I know and James.’
‘Ryan I-‘
‘And I know it’s wrong but I don’t know what I should do with these feelings! All I can think about is our past and what if’s.’
‘Ryan about-’
‘I mean, what if you hadn’t left or what if I would’ve kept calling to your aunt. Would it have been different? What if you weren’t with James right now and I wasn’t with Gaby… would’ve there be a chance for us?’
‘Ryan there is no James and I. There’s only the I part!’
‘What?’ Ryan frowned in disbelief. ‘You lied to me?’
‘I’m sorry but I didn’t know what to do. You threw the whole thing in my face.’
‘What was I supposed to do?’
I sighed. ‘How about, hey Stace! Great to see you again, how are you? Guess what I’m married and I have a freakin’ KID!’ I bellowed the last word and then shook my head for exploding like that. I took the can and walked away but then his strong arms stopped me from going anywhere, his body pinned me against the kitchen counter. ‘Don’t be pissed at me.’ He spoke in a husky tone of voice.
‘Ryan what are you-’ His mouth covered mine and his tongue found its way into my mouth. I almost got lost in that kiss but then the thought of his little girl came to mind and I pushed him away.
‘What the hell are you playing at?’ I asked him wide eyed.
‘I… I don’t know, I’m sorry… I…’
‘Be ****ing sorry! Cause you could’ve lost something great you know that?’ I shook my head and stormed out of the kitchen away, far away from Ryan.

‘So… this is my studio.’ Chad told James that night. ‘What do you think?’
I glanced at Marianne and she rolled her eyes at me mouthing “men”. I nodded chuckling in reply.
‘Man this rocks, when did you have this installed?’ James asked in awe.
‘Couple of months back. Marianne told me to use this place away from the house so this is our guy hang out place. Want to see the pool table?’ Chad asked excited. No doubt he’d want to show James naked girl calendars or something.
I once again exchanged a look with Marianne she laughed at my expression. ‘Let’s leave them to it huh?’
Again I nodded looking at James bending over the mixing table and I let out a small sigh. The way those jeans tightened around those firm buttocks… ‘Stacy?’
‘Yeah, coming.’

---

11/13/2005, 11:29 am

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Re: Thorn Within

‘Want a drink?’ She asked me while we walked through the kitchen.
‘A beer would be nice.’ ’To calm my ****ing nerves.’
Marianne handed me the beer and smiled continuing to the living room where we sat down on the king sized couch. ‘Chad told me.’
‘About…’
‘Your relationship with James or rather… the lack of it.’ Marianne gave me a certain look and I didn’t know if I should laugh or be scared.
‘Y-yeah?’ I didn’t know what to say to her. Was she angry? Or worse… Pissed off?
‘Why did you lie?’
‘Chad didn’t share that with you?’
‘I wanted to hear it from you actually.’ Marianne replied rather flatly.
I swallowed and took a breath to answer her but then Gabrielle walked in. ‘Hey guys!’
‘Hey Gabrielle.’ Marianne’s perfect smile was on again. ‘How’s that gorgeous girl of yours?’
‘She’s great, I just came to say bye. I’m taking Sandy home so Ryan and Chad can rehearse tonight.’
I nodded shaking her hand. ‘I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.’ I felt so extremely guilty, and sad for her.
‘Yes off course. Marianne, talk to you tomorrow.’ We watched Gabrielle walk away and soon Marianne was looking me down again.
‘It’s not what you think.’
‘How would you know what I’m thinking?’ Marianne wondered.
‘I don’t know. Ever since I came back things have been crap.’ I sipped my beer thoughtfully.
Marianne scraped her voice. ‘Are you after Chad?’
I choked on the beer coughing a couple of times as I gasped for breath. ‘What? No! Are you insane… ha! No, no, no.’
‘Thank god.’
‘Please Marianne; this has nothing to do with Chad. It’s got to do with Ryan.’ I assured her. ‘It’s all so complicated.’ I explained to her, what had happened and how pathetic I felt when I discovered Ryan was married and had a cute baby girl. ‘It just escaped my mouth; I don’t know why I do these things honestly.’
‘Does Ryan know?’
‘Well we had a little fall out earlier.’ I decided not to tell her the entire truth since she and Gabrielle were so close. I didn’t want Ryan to pay a price as high as her leaving him. ‘And now he knows.’ I added.
‘Well that’s good then isn’t it?’ Marianne’s smile had returned. ‘And James…?’
‘Nothing going on there.’
‘Sure?’
‘Marianne don’t start playing match maker okay? I don’t want to be in the middle of that. All I want is to enjoy the time here I have with Chad as friends.’
‘I wasn’t, I swear.’ Marianne held a hand over her heart.
‘He does have a nice ass though.’ Marianne and I both burst in a bad case of the giggles when someone scraped their throat. Marianne and I looked up seeing Chad with his arms crossed tapping his foot though the look on his face was amusement. The look on James’ face made me blush and look away immediately. ‘Did you hear that Chad? I’ve got a nice ass.’
‘That’s cute but my ass? My ass is ****in’ great!’
Marianne snorted which set us both off again. ‘Women.’ Chad sighed.
‘Yeah well I’m gonna take one of them off your hands.’ James walked towards me and extended his hand. I took it, still giggling my ass off. ‘Say bye Marianne.’
‘Bye Marianne.’ I laughed.

‘Okay where are we heading?’ I asked once I calmed down and sat in the passenger’s seat.
‘We are going to the diner and have a coffee.’
‘Oh such fun.’ I mocked jokingly.
‘I’ll throw in a cake, would that make you happy?’ James wondered.
I laughed. ‘Off course.’
‘Did you tell Ryan about us yet?’ He asked out of the blue.
‘Well yeah he knows now.’ I nodded. ‘That sucked though.’
‘Why’s that?’ James pulled up at the diner and got out. He opened my door for me and helped me out.
‘Well he kinda kissed me.’
‘I told you he wasn’t over you.’ James shook his head.
I sighed. ‘There is no future for Ryan and me, nor do I want there to be.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yes. I mean I enjoyed that kiss but it’s the past. I know better than dwelling in the past.’

---

11/13/2005, 11:29 am

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Re: Thorn Within

’I’m so sorry that I have to leave you now Ryan. It hurts me more than you know.’ I told him as he lay asleep next to me. ‘We’ll meet again, when you’re famous and achieved what you want to achieve. What you need to achieve to get there. You need to focus on the band and I know that.’
Ryan didn’t respond, he was asleep but his arms tightened around my waist. I kissed his temple and laid my head next to his watching him sleep for the rest of the night knowing that when I said goodbye to him in the morning it would be for real.’

We sat drinking a cup of steaming hot coffee. I saw James’ eyes looking over my face in thought. ‘What’s up?’
‘Nothing, you just got me thinking.’
‘About?’
‘Dwelling in the past.’ James answered.
I put the cup down and crossed my arms. ‘You can dwell in the past but in the end it won’t work. Things will never be the same as then because either you were different or the situation was different. Look at Ryan and me. I’ve changed, he’s married and has a child. Who am I to break that up? And even if I could who said it would be like then? I mean, would it have worked out if I hadn’t left Hanna when I did?’
‘You’re right. It’s like Fran and I.’ James spoke suddenly. ‘I mean she wants me to be someone I’m not anymore. We broke up once and ever since we got back together things just hit the ****ing fan man!’ He paused to look at me. ‘Promise me you won’t tell a soul.’
‘Cross my heart.’ I answered. ‘Whatever you tell me stays in this cubical.’
‘Thanks, it’s just hard. I…’
‘What do you want James?’
‘I don’t know what I want.’ He sighed.
‘Okay, let’s go.’
‘Go? Go where?’
‘For a walk.’ I answered taking his hand and pulling him after me. ‘Trust me.’
‘Okay fine.’ James followed me and I smirked heading to the car. ‘You drive and I’ll direct.’
We got into the car again and I told him where to go. ‘Aren’t we driving circles?’ He asked after about 10 minutes.
‘Maybe… maybe not.’ I laughed. ‘No seriously, go left and then park the car. We’re here.’
‘Where exactly?’
‘We are at a park. We drove past it when we went to the restaurant and I wanted to check it out. What better time than this to do that?’ I skipped ahead.
‘And you remembered the way?’
‘photographic memory. I’m like a navigation system really.’
James laughed. ‘Except you’re not shiny and expensive.’
‘Hey, I’m priceless.’ I winked at him and stopped walking. ‘Sit down.’
‘What? On the grass?’
‘Yes on the grass Sherlock.’ I smirked and waited for him to do so before sitting down myself. ‘Close you’re eyes.’
James shot me a look raising one eyebrow in question. ‘Just do it Hetfield.’ I sighed.
‘Okay but no funny stuff.’
‘Give me your hands.’ James did so and I held them in mine and then closed my own eyes. We sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity but in reality it couldn’t have been more than 5 minutes. ‘What are you thinking?’ I asked.
‘That you’re silly.’
I opened one eye. ‘Close your eyes and listen.’
He did as I asked and I felt it was safe to close my eyes. All we heard was the wind and the rustling of leaves coming from the tree behind us. ‘Picture Fran and the last time you saw her. What are you thinking?’ I asked again.
‘That I’m sick of trying.’ James answered softly. ‘That I think she’s having an affair.’
I opened my eyes and squeezed his hands softly. ‘What do you want to do?’
‘I want to end my relationship with her.’ James opened his eyes. ‘But I’m afraid.’
‘Of what?’
‘Being alone. Like I was before I met her.’
I smiled. ‘You’ve got you’re friends. You’ve got me to keep you busy.’
He nodded. ‘Ask me what I’m thinking.’
‘What are you thinking?’ I smiled.
‘I’m thinking I’m having fun with you. And I’m thinking we’ll have more fun.’
‘What do you want to do?’ I wondered.
James looked at me and waited. ‘I want to kiss you.’
My mouth fell slightly, I blinked a few times wondering if I wasn’t dreaming what he said. He pulled me closer and let one of my hands go. Placing his hand in my neck he seemed to hesitate before brushing his lips against mine and softly kissing me. I closed my eyes trying to savour this moment but he pulled back. I opened my eyes and looked into his. I don’t think I could’ve spoken even if I wanted too. That kiss, though short, was incredible.
‘Maybe I should get you back to Chad’s.’
I nodded in reply and stood up. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to think about this. Maybe he was just hurt by his wife and needed to feel close to someone else?

---

11/13/2005, 11:30 am

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