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EarthBound
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Registered: 11-2004
Location: Upper State New York
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Re: Academic Humour
A crop student was on a field trip to a farmers orchard. The new student looked at the small tree and smugly commented,"I'd be surprised if that tree was able to produce 20 lbs of apples". The farmer looked at the tree then at the student and said,"I would too, since this is a cherry tree".
--- Geeky Redheads Unite!!!
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12/1/2004, 10:27
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gundamkiwi
Gundam-flavoured
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Registered: 10-2004
Location: Kiwi-Land
Posts: 277
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Re: Academic Humour
Lol, that's a good one. My roommate last year had a calander of those. Good times. ^^ Too bad I can't remember any of the wonderful bits of wisdom they imparted upon us. Oh, well, it's probably for the best. >_>
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Here's my own two cents...my German teacher handed this out my sophomore year right after the 2000 presidental election. It still brings me great amusement. ^^;;
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elezabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Excpt Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (the rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need of further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1.) You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocablulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulay". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2.) There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3.) You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4.) Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5.) You should relearn your original national anthem, "God save the Queen", but only after fully carrying out task #1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6.) You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7.) You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any ****. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.
8.) July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9.) All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10.) Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thankyou all for your cooperation.
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I especially agree with number 6. 
Last edited by gundamkiwi, 12/1/2004, 14:11
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12/1/2004, 14:05
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Nurvingiel
The MSTer
Registered: 09-2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 730
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Re: Academic Humour
Though George Bush clearly did win, that's all the more reason for an annex IMNSHO! 
I love this part, about football:
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
"Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game."
Ahahahah!!
The US actually does have a national rugby team. They're pretty decent, but I'm pretty sure we (Canada) can beat them. They would be slaughtered by the Big Three, France, England, Argentina, and numerous others, as would we.
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12/1/2004, 17:24
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gundamkiwi
Gundam-flavoured
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Registered: 10-2004
Location: Kiwi-Land
Posts: 277
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Re: Academic Humour
You can tell what state our country is in when one if its citizens doesn't even realize it has a rugby team.
I hate American football games because of the stopping for rests every twenty seconds. It makes them drag on and on, and when you're sitting in a freezing cold staidum with nothing between you and the chilling breeze but a crappy wool uniform that does not actually keep you warm, it's the worst thing ever.
At least football players wear tight pants. The one redeeming factor for an otherwise awful game. *snickers*
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12/1/2004, 18:00
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Telcontar Dunedain
Moderator Extrordinaire
Registered: 09-2004
Location: Thornbury, England
Posts: 247
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Re: Academic Humour
Hey. I wear rugby pads!
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They are proud and wilful, but they are true-hearted, generous in thought and deed: bold but not cruel; wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs after the manner of children of Men before the Dark Years.
Aragorn
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12/2/2004, 8:14
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