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Nurvingiel
The MSTer
Registered: 09-2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 730
Karma: 3 (+3/-0)
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Re: The Joke Thread
Oh yes. And it's doughnut. 
Yeah, I didn't really get either of those. So... moving on... need... funny joke...
Okay, here's a football aka soccer joke:
A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honoured judge said to him, "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me," said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
"Because she beats me as well."
"Oh," said the judge, "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied, "I would like to live with Southampton FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"
FC = football club AFAIK
Last edited by Nurvingiel, 12/5/2004, 16:11
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12/5/2004, 16:10
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klatukatt
Tea Drinker
Registered: 12-2004
Location: ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
Posts: 41
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Re: The Joke Thread
That's what I was writing about in the newbie thread.
Americans have corrupted words, changing doughnut to donut and through to thru.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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12/5/2004, 17:59
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Nurvingiel
The MSTer
Registered: 09-2004
Location: Canada
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Re: The Joke Thread
Heh... just because McDonald's uses it doesn't mean it's a word eh? 
Okay here's joke for ya...
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. As he starts drinking his beer, another guy comes in carrying a small piano, with a small person playing it.
"Hey," says the guy, "Where'd you get that little piano player?"
"Oh, it was because of this stupid magic lamp," comes the reply. "You want the last wish?"
"Do I!" The guy takes the lamp, rubs it, and out pops a genie. "I wish for a million bucks."
"Eh?" says the genie.
"I wish for a million bucks!" he repeats louder.
Sudddenly the bar is full of ducks! Feathers are everwhere, you can't even move without hitting a duck!
"Where the hell did all these ducks come from!?"
"Hah," says the other guy, "You think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
Last edited by Nurvingiel, 12/6/2004, 4:30
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12/6/2004, 4:30
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EarthBound
Projector Operator
Registered: 11-2004
Location: Upper State New York
Posts: 235
Karma: 2 (+2/-0)
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Re: The Joke Thread
Hmmm, that last joke was a bit Nasty, Nurvettaaa.
I love this joke, thus I'll share it with you even though I'm beginning to suspect that people have been laughing at my usage of donut and thru (only place I've ever used them is on boards....all that typing!)
OK....my favorit joke.
The Titanic's captain had this parrot that liked magic shows and the captain had hired a really good magician.
At the magic show the parrot kept calling out, "It's in his sleeve!" "It's in the hat!", It's behind the curtain!" and spoiling the whole show for the magician and the audience......suddenly the ship hit an iceburg and sank.....set adrift in a boat the magician had surrived! Then the parrot flies over and lands on the bow of the boat and glares at the magicain and says, "I give up.....where's the ship?"
That just kills me... 
--- Geeky Redheads Unite!!!
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12/6/2004, 7:01
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klatukatt
Tea Drinker
Registered: 12-2004
Location: ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
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Re: The Joke Thread
WHAT!!!!!! Those are the UPPER limits?
where I come from, that is just the beginning of the evening.
so, in the spirit of staying clean, I have stopped listining to everyone around me.
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Ok, it took me a while but I have a clean one.
A farmer is standing by a puddle that crosses the whole road. After a while, a bicyclist comes by and asks if the water is deep. The farmer says no, so the bicyclist keeps going and sinks into the puddle up to his neck.
As he gets out he yells angrily at the farmer "you told me the water wasn't deep!"
The farmer replied "How was I to know? It only came up an inch on the duck!"
heh.
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12/6/2004, 22:00
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EarthBound
Projector Operator
Registered: 11-2004
Location: Upper State New York
Posts: 235
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Re: The Joke Thread
Jean Paul moved to Texas and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. However, the following morning, the farmer drove up and reported that the donkey had died.
'Well, then, give me my money back,' said Jean Paul.
'Can't,' said the farmer, 'already spent the money.'
'Okay' said Jean Paul, 'just unload the donkey.'
'What ya going to do with him?' asked the farmer.
'Going to raffle him off,' came the reply
'You can't do that,' said the farmer. 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
'Sure I can,' said Jean Paul, 'just watch me. I won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month goes by and and the farmer meets up with Jean Paul and asks - 'What happened to the dead donkey?'
'I raffled him off,' Jean Paul answered. 'I sold 450 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $798.'
'Didn't anybody complain?' the farmer asked bewildered.
'Just the guy who won,' Jean Paul said. 'So I gave him his $2 back.'
--- Geeky Redheads Unite!!!
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12/7/2004, 5:30
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EarthBound
Projector Operator
Registered: 11-2004
Location: Upper State New York
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Re: The Joke Thread
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing.
The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he sauntered in.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer ****ed his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
--- Geeky Redheads Unite!!!
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12/7/2004, 5:31
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EarthBound
Projector Operator
Registered: 11-2004
Location: Upper State New York
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Re: The Joke Thread
Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over.
His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that."
"Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised.
They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out.
A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police.
They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?"
"Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"
--- Geeky Redheads Unite!!!
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12/7/2004, 5:32
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EarthBound
Projector Operator
Registered: 11-2004
Location: Upper State New York
Posts: 235
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Re: The Joke Thread
Like the jokes????
Heres one that'll get ya!!!
Joke:
There once was a farmer who had a few chickens. For financial reasons, the farmer wanted to increase the egg production from his chickens and go into business.
And so, the farmer set out to buy a rooster. He drove across the country to another farm that had many chickens and roosters.
The first farmer asks, "I'd like to buy a rooster."
The second farmer says, "No problem. What's he for?"
The first farmer says, "I want a rooster so that my chickens can have more chickens and lay more eggs."
The second farmer points to a rooster, "Okay. Take Brewster over there... he'll do all your chickens for you." The rooster he pointed out was lying on his back and breathing heavily.
The first farmer exclaims, "What? You've got to be kidding. That rooster is practically dead! He's breathing like there's no tomorrow."
The second farmer says, "Don't worry, he'll do fine. I guarantee he'll do all your chickens and you'll end up with more eggs than you could ever imagine."
Well, the first farmer thinks about it, and finally agrees, "Okay. A guarantee is a guarantee. Sold." He scoops up Brewster and lays him in the back of his truck. As soon as the farmer pulls into his yard, Brewster leaps out of the truck and grabs a chicken. After he's done with one, he does another, and another...
The farmer says, "Take it easy Brewster! You're going to hurt yourself!"
Brewster just waves, grabs another chicken, and nails that one too. He proceeds to do all the chickens just as the other farmer had promised. When he finishes the chickens, he runs after the dog, and does him too. The farmer is starting to get a little worried. Brewster then does the cat, the horse, and all the other farm animals too. He then starts chasing after the farmer's wife! Some time passes and the
farmer can't find Brewster anywhere.
He looks everywhere and eventually finds the poor rooster on his back, motionless, with a flock of vultures circling overhead.
The farmer cries out to himself, "Oh no! I told him to be careful! Now look what's happened."
Brewster opens one eye and whispers, "Shhh! They're about to land."
--- Geeky Redheads Unite!!!
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12/7/2004, 5:34
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