deidrui
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 This just in ...Animal Talk: Dogg Predicts the Royal Rumble - pt. 1
January 30 2005
Planet WCW presents.....
The Dogg Report
Royal Rumble Predictions for January 30, 2005
There is adult language contained in the following column.
Hey there friends and foes alike and welcome to the only wrestling sheet on the net worthy enough to be called entertaining. No preliminaries tonight, right to it. Lets pick apart the Royal Rumble (RR) and tell you not only who wins but who loses and why.
First off, the “big surprise” for the Rumble is who’s going to be the 30th entrant to the RR. The net is a buzz with names and speculation. The Iron Sheik, Goldberg, Lesner and New Jack are among the front-runners. I, the Dogg, have a strong suspicion it’s not going to be any of them. I also can’t believe the total lack of this persons name from the running. At the end of this column, the Dogg will tell you who it will be.
Also, kudos to the creative team that came up with the Royal Rumble/West Side Story commercial bits. Truly inventive and well done.
Shawn “HBK” Michaels vs. Edge
in special
I hate you because you have better hair then I do match.
This is a no brainer, folks. This isn’t even a choice. That’s HB-Gay in that ring. You don’t really think he’s in there to lose on a PPV do you? God forbid that happen, Gay might “lose his smile” again. Is Edge a better wrestler? Yes. Does Edge deserve this more? Yes. Has Edged earned this win? Yes. If we lived in a fair and just world would Edge win this match? Yes. Will Edge win this match? **** No!
Dogg’s Pick: Shawn “HB-Gay” Michaels
Heidenreich vs. the UnderTaker
A Casket Match
One of Taker’s signature matches that should have him winning quite easily, I see a problem. We’ve been hearing eeps that there will be a Kane/Taker vs. Snitsky/Heidenreich match at Wrestle Mania. God I hope that’s a nasty rumor. I’ll play the fool, make my pick and see what happens. Despite Heyman showing up
Dogg’s Pick: The UnderTaker
John Bradshaw Layfield ã vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show
Triple Threat WWE SmackDown Title match
I can’t believe I just had to type that. Bradshaw is champ? BRADSHAW IS ****ING CHAMP????? Isn’t that a sign of the apocalypse? God, this shows you the depth that that Thursday night show from the WWE has sunk to. The totally bad part is that none of these guys deserve this. If there should be one SD guy who has earned the title it’s John Cena or the UnderTaker. God, there isn’t even a good choice here.
Dogg’s Pick: The Big Show ~ maybe they’ll use him correctly at long last.
The Game HHH ã vs. Randy Orton
The RAW Heavyweight Championship of the World
Look, I think Orton has earned this. I think he’s shown more promise in a short period of time then anyone else I’ve ever seen. In addition, HHH is so freakin over exposed at this point, it’s vomit inducing to even think about it. For God’s sake, we know you’re dorking the boss’s daughter ok? Enough of these 57-month title reigns by the Gayme. That being said, this is a no brainer folks. You don’t really think the WWE is going to allow Orton to main event Mania do you?
Dogg’s Pick: HHH
Which brings us to the Rumble itself. Before we look at who’s in this, lets look at who might be in it. The coveted and much guessed upon spot number 30. Let’s look at the competitors:
Gillberg: Yes, the little dude. There has been opinions that this might be McMahon’s way of not only giving Goldberg the finger but also the Internet community in large by putting a joke in. Should this happen, I’ll be taking donations for a fund to take a contract out on Vince.
The Iron Sheik: I think this was the fall back guy for the WWE. If they couldn’t pull a rabbit out of the hat, they’d throw this towel on his head wearing senior citizen out there for ****s and giggles. Won’t happen.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan: Now there’s a name you have to look a bit to find in concerns to the Rumble. He’s name has been thrown about, as it’s well known Hogan and Vince are in talks once again. <My guess is they are taking turns telling one another how good they look> Would this be a surprise? Yes. Will it happen? No.
New Jack: Strong speculation on this one. New Jack has been noted several places saying he’s already signed with Titan Sports and is as good as in the WWE. There is an equal amount of hype that it’s going to be New Jack who “attacked” Cena earlier this year. New Jack might show up, and he might be shown as the attacker, but he won’t be in the Rumble. Here’s the reason. I, along with many of you, watched ECW and know exactly who in the hell New Jack is and what he’s capable of. Fact is, most WWE fans do not. He might even go down to the ring and cause Cena’s elimination, but he isn’t going to be 30.
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1/30/2005, 4:15 pm
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deidrui
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This just in ...Animal Talk: Dogg Predicts the Royal Rumble - pt. 2
Brock Lesner: This rumor has run both hot and cold. SmackDown needs this guy in a bad way. <See my above SD comments on JBL> but he’s angered McMahon and Vinnie Mac holds a grudge. That is the exact reason Orton was given the title when he was, to wipe out the fact that until that point, Lesner was the youngest champ ever. Plus ego will play a role in this. I think if Brock was going to come back, he’d expect and demand to win the Rumble, thus going right back into the main event at Mania. Won’t happen folks.
So if it’s none of those guys…then who? Remember, you heard it here first. From me, the Dogg.
Who is it that could be in the Rumble? Who has wrestling knowledge? Who is more then over with the fans? Who will be back in the WWE very soon? Who could come down, eliminate six or seven guys before the rest of the ring turned on him to throw him out, and lose no face. Who is recently back in McMahon’s graces and the WWE fold? Who you have not heard mentioned one time on the Internet for that spot, thus surprising the fans? Who could it be?
Stone Cold Steve Austin. That’s who is # 30 ~ it’s my precision prediction, take it to the bank.
The Royal Rumble
To the Rumble its self ~ the 29 other dudes ~ Batista, Booker T, Charlie Haas, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Christian, Dan Puder, Eddie Guerrero, Edge, Gene Snitsky, Hardcore Holly, Jonathan Coachman, John Cena, Kane, Kenzo Suzuki, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak, Muhammad Hassan, Orlando Jordan, Paul London, Rene Dupree, Rey Mysterio, Ric Flair, Scotty 2 Hotty, Shawn Michaels, Shelton Benjamin, Simon Dean, The Hurricane and Viscera.
Lets throw out those, you know, that have no ****ing hope: Booker T (Vince hates black people), Haas, Christian, Puder, Edge (he’ll have the esteemed privilege of jobbing to Michaels earlier in the night), Snitsky, Holly (my pick for prick of the year 04), Coachman (this is why the WWE sucks these days, why the **** is he in this match), Kane, Kenzo Yamaha, Reigns (while he has no shot, this guys is starting to impress me), Jindrax, Hassan, Jordan, London, Dupree (maybe he and Hassan can have a love in or something) Mysterio, Flair (lets just hope he wears a shirt), 2 Hotty (I hope he does the worm in the ring and Viscera falls on him) Benjamin, Dean, Hurricane and Viscera ~ ok they have no ****ing chance at this.
So who has a shot?
Batista: Having built an amazing crowd following as of late, and hey, ****in A! ~ Tista looks as if he might be “The Next Big Thing” and good for him; he’s got the skills. He won the coveted privilege to be the last entrant, something that has been all but forgotten my most. Again, this is about the main even of Wrestle Mania and I just don’t think the WWE wants him there. Look for Hunter and/or Flair to lead to his elimination thus furthering the demise of Evilution (let’s hope that group is going away) and making one pissed off animal of Tista.
Chris Benoit: Would sure be fitting, eh? Having him go on to recapture the title at Mania again. That’s entertainment. Plus Benoit has more then earned it. Won’t happen, but it would be cool!
Chris Jericho: If there is a guy in that ring who deserves this more then Y2J does, I sure don’t see him. Hands down the best wrestler in the world today. No one but NO ONE cuts an interview the way the “Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla” can. He won’t win, and **** Vince for it.
Eddie Guerrero: Next to Taker and Cena, the main face on SmackDown. An incredible talent who has only shown us a small percent of what he’s capable of. Will he win? **** no! He’s had his moment; go to the back of the bus Eddie until HHH needs you to job to him a few times.
My Runner up and the guy who SHOULD win this match
John “Word/Life” Cena: His fans in the “Chain Gang” will scream the roof off the place should he win. He’s proven himself to be in for the long haul and not simply a “flash in the pan” But does Cena really deserve a main event at Mania? ****in A he does. He’s got it all, ring skills, high flying a plenty, can exchange punches with almost anyone and can cut an interview like very few can. His holding the US belt as he does now is, in my opinion, insulting to him. To say JBL has one-tenth the talent this guy does is just plain bull****. Yes, the Dogg thinks Cena should rock the house, clear the ring, win the rumble and go on to headline Wrestle Mania……….but it won’t happen.
The Winner of the 2005 Royal Rumble
<Are you depressed yet? >
The bird crones…………I think I’m King………..I’m not too sexy ……….I can suck a ****…………..and it drives Vince wild……….I’m not a sexy boy……… I’m just a boy’s toy.
Shawn “HBK” Michaels: Come on, is this even in doubt? Does anyone honestly think that there would be a Wrestle Mania including Shawn that he didn’t headline? Remember that he inserted himself into Mania last year thus taking alot of the spotlight away from Benoit, who had earned it. Do you really think he’d be in it, were he not winning? He did it one time, not headline Mania, and that was because he’d only been back four weeks from surgery, and he still won his match. Come on, it’s going to have to be Shawn and his Kliq buddy HHH. Lets even say Tista found a way to win the Rumble; you know Gay would demand the main event. If not, God forbid, he might “lose his smile” again.
Well that depressed me, I’m going to find Pig and get drunk. With any luck at all we’ll both be passed out by the time it’s on. Enjoy it if you got it!!!!!!!
Contact info:
Stardogg (stardog_99@yahoo.com)
PeterPorkr (peterporkr@netzero.net)
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1/30/2005, 4:16 pm
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NeverTaker
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Registered: 01-2005
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Re: This just in ...Animal Talk: Dogg Predicts the Royal Rumble - pt. 1
LOL!!! I know this guy from your Yahoo group and I must admit I don't like him. He's a grade A jackass who is so biased against some wrestlers it's not even funny. He allows his personal feelings to cloud his reasoning. I also think most of his predictions will be wrong. Guess we'll find out tonight.
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1/30/2005, 5:42 pm
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Hells Princess
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Registered: 01-2005
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Re: This just in ...Animal Talk: Dogg Predicts the Royal Rumble - pt. 1
Somebody is not an HBK fan. That guy sounds like the biggest smark on the planet.
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1/31/2005, 12:55 am
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