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Rogue9a
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One Tree Hill recaps

From Zap2it By Carrie Raisler

"One Tree Hill' famously said goodbye to its signature couple last season. The question on our minds now: what will Tree Hill be like without Lucas and Peyton?

Answer: exactly the same, but with less squinting. Seriously. The only difference I can see are a few new faces, a random and unnecessary 14-month time jump, and much, much more naked flesh. I could take or leave the first two, but the last one? I could definitely get on board with that.

Instead of a chronological recap, let's quickly get caught up with both our old and new Tree Hill residents, shall we?

OUT WITH THE OLD

Dan
Even though he disappeared after getting his prospective transplant heart eaten by a dog last season (and can I say it again: Best. OTH moment. EVER!), Dan is miraculously still alive and now some sort of random talk show host/cult leader with a program called "Redemption." Um, okay?

Nathan
Playing for the Bobcats, but in the middle of some dicey contract renegotiations courtesy of his new agent (more to come on him later). He's also endorsing lame products like body spray. Ew. Unfortunately, he's also about to be embroiled in a cliche scandal involving a groupie who claims she slept with him on the road last season. Oh no she didn't! And, you know she didn't. The day they break Nathan and Haley up is the day I grow wings and fly.

Haley
Haley is still recording her album and is now also running Peyton's label in her absence. Peyton's label backers show up and announce they are shutting down the label.

Jamie
It's his 7th birthday. Lucas and Peyton send him Luke's old basketball for a present, which was originally a gift to Lucas from Keith. Aw. He also gets a visit from Jerry Rice, because all modern 7-year-olds are big fans of athletes who retired before they could tell time. I will admit that playing a pickup game with Jerry Rice would be pretty cool, no matter how old you are.

Brooke & Julian
They're still going strong, but Brooke is having a hard time with Julian leaving to go on movie sets. Which is his job, and always has been since they've know each other. Whatever, Brooke. He asks her to go with him, but she refuses because "Tree Hill is home." Julian decides to give up his big break producing a big budget film because he wants to do important films (not necessarily big films), and he doesn't want to be away from Brooke for 10 months. Um, aw? I don't really care about their story right now, but Austin Nichols is all kinds of hot. Dayum.

Millie
Got her promotion last season and is busy taking over the world, or at least Clothes Over Bro's. (That misplaced apostrophe will always, always bug me.) Still dating Mouth.

Mouth
Hints to Skills that he should move out, then denies he is actually asking Skills to move out. The then annoyingly and passive aggressively tries to force Skills to move out by doing things like hanging around the house naked. And now I have to bleach my brain after seeing Mouth naked. Thanks, show.

Skills
Still dating Lauren. Still giving inappropriate gifts to Jamie, like his old collection of rap CDs. Tupac? Biggie? For a 7-year-old? No, Skills. Just no.

IN WITH THE NEW

Quinn
Haley's sister, who is visiting for an indefinite period of time because she just left her husband. I like her, because she teases Nathan about sleeping with their other sister Taylor. Ha!

Clayton
Nathan's agent (played by Robert Buckley, of "Lipstick Jungle" fame). Hot. Complete workaholic. Really hot. Likes to have sex with random women and then stare into the ceiling like his life is empty and meaningless. Supernova hot. Has some sort of mysterious dark spot in his past that makes him not believe in love. And did I mention hot? Too bad the rest of his character seems kind of predictable and boring so far. But the hotness...

---

9/15/2009, 8:25 pm

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Rogue9a
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Re: One Tree Hill recaps

From Zap2it By Carrie Raisler

"One Tree Hill" mines the sports scandal world tonight, introducing the newest wrinkle in Nathan's pro career...and that wrinkle will make its official debut in, oh, about six months.

Nathan picks up from last week, worried the groupie's false accusations will ruin his contract renegotiations with the Bobcats. Because professional athletes always get fired for cheating on their wives! Whatevs. Clay meets with his accuser to attempt to find out what her deal is, but stupid Nathan barges in and starts yelling at her in full view of a crowded restaurant. Smooth, Scott. Nathan's biggest problem (aside from his general idiocy)? This woman has pictures to back up her story. Not naughty pictures...ultrasound pictures! Ruh roh! That groupie's eggo is totally preggo. (There's no way this is Nathan's baby. No way.)

Brooke & Julian are now happily living together. Julian's bigwig Hollywood father shows up at their house to warn Julian he's making the biggest mistake of his life by choosing Brooke over the film. Julian tells Brooke about how his father let him down throughout his life, and Brooke goes to Julian's father and tells him to "fix it." Aw, it's just like when Julian went to see Brooke's mother last season! But the exact opposite! He takes this to heart and gives Julian his blessing to be himself and be with Brooke, and tells him he's proud of him. Awwww.

Brooke brings bratty, Lindsay Lohan-esque starlet Alex to Tree Hill to be the new face of the Clothes Over Bro's line. Alex is just as horrible as you might imagine, by the way. Stupid, stupid Brooke falls for her sob story and hires her despite her heinous nature.

Dan is still a crazy cult leader. A crazy cult leader who is MARRIED TO RACHEL. Yes, that Rachel. To quote Joe Schmo: "What's going oooonnnnnnnn?" It looks like Rachel is the Lady to Dan's Macbeth, pulling the strings from behind the scenes. Sometimes I love this crazy show, but I never know quite why. It's just so deliciously ridiculous!

Haley is busy trying to save Peyton's record label. The label executive is such an obvious stereotype, by the way, which makes this potentially interesting storyline rather boring. Haley comes up with the idea to blackmail them into keeping the label alive by refusing to record unless she can do it under the Red Bedroom label, and Mia shows up to back her up by making the same threat. The threat works, so Peyton's first baby is safe for now.

Also in this episode: Millie has her hands full dealing with Alex, Skills and Lauren take Jamie to the beach, Quinn is still mysteriously averse to getting back together with her husband, and Mouth is nowhere to be seen.

---

9/27/2009, 2:13 am

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Rogue9a
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Re: One Tree Hill recaps

From Zap2it By Carrie Raisler

In the big story of the week, Nathan assures Haley he didn't do anything with the pregnant groupie, but Haley points out that the pictures of them at the party look bad, the groupie knows it and is going to exploit it. Clay meets with Nathan and says she wants $200,000 to sign a confidentiality agreement and go away forever. Nathan says no way, but Clay lays out the cold hard facts: Nathan's image is predicated on being a good family man, and the Bobcats are a team concerned with their image. Clay says he should pay to protect himself. Considering all of the shenanigans that do down with professional athletes, I'm still having trouble thinking the Bobcats would care about infidelity. But maybe that's just me.

When Haley hears about the $200k, she confronts Clay and basically blames him for all of Nathan's troubles, saying he does things like throw the party where the groupie supposedly got pregnant because he doesn't want to grow up and always wants Nathan there alongside him. After some soul searching, Haley ends up telling Nathan he should pay the groupie if it's what he needs to do to save his career. In the end they decide not to pay her. Yawn.

Predictably, Mouth gets tasked by his boss at the TV station to look into Nathan's disagreement with his groupie at the restaurant. Nathan tells Mouth the whole story, but when questioned about it at work Mouth says there is no story to tell. Very noble of him, but I have a feeling this is going to come back to bite him in the rear.

Dan is taping his weird show when an angry audience member starts screaming about him being a murderer. Finally! At Rachel's prompting, Dan ends up using it as some sort of inspirational speech, which the audience eats up. Yes, because everyone should take life advice from a man who killed his brother in cold blood! Sigh. We do get some fun flashbacks of Dan picking Rachel up at a strip club and taking her home as his prostitute before turning her into his wife. It's just like Pretty Woman, but much, much less interesting. We learn that Rachel hired the audience member to have that little outburst. Heh.

Mouth and Skills are still having the stupid fight over Skills moving out. It's now escalated to Mouth putting an iguana in the bathroom to scare Skills. Skills enlists Jamie's help to get rid of the reptile, and Jamie is officially more mature than both of those idiots. In the end, Skills takes Jamie's advice and just talks to Mouth about the problem.

Also in this episode: Brooke, Millie and Julian keep busy wrangling the super-annoying Alex at the Clothes Over Bro's photo shoot, Quinn and Clay bond, and Quinn's husband shows up in Tree Hill wanting to talk.

---

10/4/2009, 2:53 am

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Re: One Tree Hill recaps

From Zap2it By Carrie Raisler

Everyone loves a fashion show and a celebrity scandal, and "One Tree Hill" delivered on both tonight in an entertaining episode that combined the two. They're two great tastes that taste great together!

Nathan starts the episode brooding on a dock, wondering what he has done in his sorry life to deserve being blackmailed by a skanky groupie. Just talk to Letterman, dude, if you think your life is bad. What Nathan isn't doing, apparently, is practicing seeing as he's missed four workouts in a row. The return of self-destructive Nathan is not a welcome one, dear readers. Let's just hope he doesn't grow out his hair like he did last time he got down on himself. That hairstyle was just wrong. Clay tries to reassure him that his contract talks are coming along, but Clay seems to be doing a lot of talking and not a lot of negotiating, as far as I can see.

To make matters worse, the story officially breaks in the "news," a.k.a. the tabloids. Jamie's classmates apparently are regular Star readers, because they mercilessly tease him at school over his dad's exploits. Aw. Nathan tries to reassure Jamie, but as he points out, how does one explain greedy opportunism to a second grader? Nathan's story breaking in the tabloids is also having bad repercussions for Mouth, since he had a chance to get the story and passed in order to help out his friend. Things get even worse when he refuses to report the story live on the air and basically walks off the set.

Things completely come to a head after the fashion show when Ms. Big Teeth the Skanky Groupie approaches Haley and tells her Nathan doesn't love Haley (which he told the groupie while they were having sex, which sounds totally romantic for her) and that he had her do all kinds of wild things in bed that Haley supposedly won't do. Oh, Big Teeth McSkanksalot. At least try to be original with your insults. Of course, Haley hauls off and smacks the groupie right across her face and there are plenty of paparazzi waiting to capture the entire exchange, just how Big Teeth Skank Face planned it, I'm sure. Still, it was pretty fun to see Haley smack her, wasn't it?

Remember last week when Quinn's husband David showed up at Tric and said they needed to talk? Well, apparently what he meant is that they needed to talk off screen, so Quinn could relay the conversation second-hand to Haley while grocery shopping. Because hearing someone talk about a conversation afterward is always more interesting than hearing the actual conversation. The hell, show? If they weren't going to show the talk, they could have done it on the phone. I'm just saying. The gist is, David wants Quinn to come home, Quinn needs more time, and the audience struggles to care because we barely know either of those characters. Sigh. Later, David goes to Haley and sincerely begs her to tell Quinn that he misses her, loves her, and wants her back. We better learn that he did something terrible, because all this is accomplishing is making me sort of hate Quinn. They finally sit down to hash it out in an actual onscreen talk and Quinn tells him it's over because she's changed and he hasn't, and she doesn't want him to have to change for her. Again, this would be more compelling if we had a chance to care about either of these characters first. Quinn has a lot of potential as a new character, but this is a strange story choice for her introduction to the show. Things come to a breaking point when a drunk David confronts Quinn and gets rough with her, causing Clay to punch him straight in the face. A distraught Quinn ends up going home with Clay to make her break from David official.

Brooke is busy throwing a fashion show for her new line, a fashion show which stars Alex and features Victoria as the event coordinator. Nothing will go wrong with those two involved! Victoria and Alex take an immediate dislike to each other, as you would expect from two catty women like them. When Alex drugs the #1 model to get back at her for being mean to Millie, Millie herself is forced to step in and model the signature look. Um, okay. Are we getting a "Donna Martin becomes a model" storyline for Millie? She ends up not fitting into the signature look so Brooke changes to entire idea to make her show a statement for clothes for "real women." I will say that I love Millie's "Zero is not a size" shirt, and she looked pretty darn hot on the runway. (No offense to anyone out there who is actually a zero, y'all are super hot too. Girl power!)

Also in this episode: CHASE!, the evil British record executive sticks up for Haley earning her some respect, and Julian and Alex decide to work together on her first screenplay. That should go well.

---

10/12/2009, 3:43 am

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Re: One Tree Hill recaps

From Zap2it By Carrie Raisler

Tonight on "One Tree Hill" we get to watch Haley's smackdown of Renee the extortionist groupie over, and over, and over again. YouTube is a beautiful thing.

It's the aftermath of the "slap heard 'round the world," with Haley's fisticuffs hitting the internet hard. Also hitting hard are the handcuffs around Haley's wrists when the cops come to arrest her. (By the way, Haley's mug shot is pretty crappy considering she looked totally cute not five minutes before.) While in jail she gets a visit from Renee the lying groupie, who informs her that she won't be pressing charges because Haley isn't the one she's after. Um, so why did she confront her like that the night before and say horrible things? This terrible writing Renee makes no sense. She tells Haley to look at Nathan's old cell phone bills for her number -- she's telling the truth, and she and Nathan were both very drunk when they did the deed. Could Nathan possibly not remember the incident?

When they leave the jail, Nathan and Haley are barraged by a gaggle of reporters. Considering her lack of meaningful storylines, I sometimes forget Haley is a recognized personality in her own right. This must be a fun story for the press to report. I mean, "Mild Mannered Folk Singer Attacks NBA Husband's Pregnant Mistress!" is a pretty eyecatching headline. Haley questions Nathan about what Renee said and he immediately gets defensive. I'm on Haley's side here. And do you know how all of this could be resolved? A paternity test! For the love of Pete, why won't he just take a paternity test! In the midst of all this hoopla, Dan calls Nathan and offers his help, but Nathan awesomely shuts him down cold.

Clay persuades Nathan to make an official statement to the press. Finally! A smart decision! Although Haley speaks at the conference and says she "believes her husband 100%," that doesn't stop her from searching Nathan's old cell phone bills and finding Renee's number. The show ends with Haley's shocked face and Dan meeting with Renee to offer her a "proposition." Interesting.

Meanwhile, in matters much less scandalous, Brooke is irrationally jealous of Julian's plan to work with Alex. The Brooke the Jealous Girlfriend card has been played in every one of her relationships, and I'm sort of over it. I know it's a character trait, but there is this thing called growth. Or is this a case of lack of imagination on the part of the writers? What bugs is that she automatically assumes Julian is going to do something wrong. If I was Julian, that would really cheese me off. Anywho, Brooke has a right to be worried about Alex, who is a little tramp (albeit an entertaining tramp) and gets naked in front of Julian while they are trying to work. Julian tells Brooke what happened and Brooke immediately storms off to Alex's room and lets her have it. Millie convinces Alex to apologize to Julian and force him to take her seriously, and they decide to try to work together again.

In her career life, Brooke wants to make a whole line revolving around "zero is not a size," starring Millie as the model. When Millie talks to Mouth about this opportunity, he doesn't even pause before telling her he doesn't think she should do it because it "isn't her." God forbid someone wants to try something new. The only thing Mouth seems worried about is that Millie might change, and perhaps ultimately leave him behind. What Mouth doesn't realize is the fastest way to get someone to leave you behind is to not support them in their endeavors. Millie ultimately accepts Brooke's offer. Millie is totally Donna Martin! I love it.

Also in this episode: Mouth is demoted to tape logger; Mia and CHASE! are still together and CHASE! is taking pilot lessons. Did he always want to be a pilot? I can't remember, possibly because CHASE! is boring. Hot, but boring.

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10/19/2009, 12:24 am

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