SWEF :: 7S : A Candle in Chaos :: Halden Beck ~ Runboard

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elvensong
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Halden Beck

I'm finally posting some logs about your favorite boring Vendel man!.. ::gasp::

---
Reality is only a crutch for those who can't handle Science Fiction. <3
25/Jul/05, 11:11 pm Send Email to elvensong   Send PM to elvensong
 
elvensong
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Log #1

This was written a while ago, but I never finished it. I figured I should before I post my new one, :P

It's short, sorry.

The time frame is between the episode with the envoy arriving and the one with the Lancers going off to visit the slaver's camp. I can't remember exactly where, ._.

---

The sun began to set on another day in La Motte as the weary, unkempt Vendel and his mount made their journey back to the Tenth's new headquarters. It had been a quiet trip as Halden made his return from the clinic where the envoy's 'gifts' were being treated, and he had been so deep in thought that he'd almost strayed off of the road and gotten himself lost a time or two.

His face was solemn as he rode, one hand on the reins and the other clenching a curious bit of lace and silk peeking out of his pocket. The stars were just becoming visible and the sky had turned into a rainbow of colors from the dimming light, but he was too distracted to notice its beauty. "She wasn't there, either," he murmured softly, breaking the silence of his lonely ride. His mare let out a snort at the sound of his voice, and he took it as a continuation of the conversation. "I don't know if I should be disappointed or relieved.."
The mare flicked her ears in response.
"I just.." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know at what point I should start to move on. What if she’s still out there waiting for me to find her..?"

Halden paused and glanced at his mare before shaking his head again. "Why am I talking to you about this? As if you could answer me! If I'm not careful people might think I'm as disturbed as that de Molyneux fellow." He let out a sharp breath. "Or perhaps I am.. Chasing after a ghost; what's more, one who had no idea of my existence even when we were in the same room."

Still, there was a chance, however small, that she was alive. And he made a vow to find her. What else could he do? Give up? That wasn't really his style. Despite that, somehow he'd let this patrol distract him from his promise. And then there was his new friend, Gabriella.. He cleared his throat awkwardly. That was a different story. While technically, he wasn't being 'unfaithful', he still felt a little dishonest leading her on, all the while looking for someone he had been in love with for almost eight years.

Although, for all that time, he was nothing more to Angelique du Rachetisse than one of her father's servants. Perhaps that's why he was intrigued by Gabriella, because to her he had a chance to be something more.. Or maybe he just liked idea that a woman might actually be as attracted to him as he was to her, for a change.

He frowned to himself, absently patting his mare on the neck. And what would she think if she found out that he was still pining after a girl he hadn't seen in six months? A girl who barely noticed his existence; a girl who most likely is dead, or worse.. It was beginning to sound ridiculous even to him. He sighed quietly and eyed the handkerchief in his hand before tucking it away again, and continuing on his way.

Perhaps it really was time to move on..

---
Reality is only a crutch for those who can't handle Science Fiction. <3
25/Jul/05, 11:21 pm Send Email to elvensong   Send PM to elvensong
 
elvensong
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Reflecting on Madame Marie's..

During the past few hours after arriving back from Madame Marie's, Halden kept himself rather busy. He fed the horses, he brushed the horses, he walked the horses, he cleaned the stalls, he rearranged the haystacks.. And he did practically any chore he could think of to distract himself from the torture of dwelling on what he discovered in Bascone. He refused to think of it, and the only thing that could keep him from it was to occupy his mind with something else, anything else. He almost felt sorry for Tim.. There was simply nothing left for the poor boy to do but sit around and twiddle his thumbs, and when the boy would offer to help the disgruntled Vendel, he was firmly refused. Eventually Halden sent him home, leaving himself alone to drown in his thoughts.

In the end, he realized that there wasn’t enough work in Theah to distract him; it was time to face the truth. He sat down on a bale of hay in a secluded corner of the stable and knocked his head against the back wall a few times before letting out a frustrated sigh. "You idiot," he murmured quietly. "It was obvious, wasn't it? How could a woman like that be attracted to you..?"

The image of her on that bench was burned into his mind, and try as he might, he couldn't block it out. He wasn't quite sure why, but despite her beauty, he couldn't even look at her when she spoke with him. There was something that felt wrong about seeing her like that.. Like a Jenny. She had become more than that to him. But what startled him more was the way she looked at him. He began to recall every time their eyes had met before, telling himself in his mind as he remembered that she wasn't looking at a friend, but a prospective customer. After a few moments, he started to believe it..

He closed his tired eyes and folded his arms over his chest as he leaned back. How could he have been that stupid? It wasn't him at all; he was just someone to direct her attentions on. How could he have been so wrong? He thumped his head against the wall again. "I suppose I shouldn't judge her for my stupid delusion.. What she chooses to do with her time is none of my business," he thought out loud. "..None of my business at all.."

After a couple of minutes in silence, he shook his head. "Why am I letting this bother me so much?.. I'm such a fool. I meant nothing to her, and I have to accept that." He paused, looking to the ceiling. "In any case, it's not as if she was the only one keeping secrets."

At that, Halden opened his eyes again and looked down, searching his coat pocket for something. He pulled out his hand along with a woman's handkerchief, and idly rubbed his thumb across the embroidered initials. He hadn't looked at it in a long time; he hadn't needed to. In fact, in the past few weeks, he almost forgotten he still had it with him. Somehow, without even noticing it, he had finally made a decision on the subject that had been weighing on his mind for the past few months.

Angelique du Rachetisse, the woman he had been searching for since the Madness, was dead. In his heart, he knew this, long before he started his search. His blind devotion kept him going because he had nothing else to cling to. Perhaps he did love her once, but she would never know. It was a fantasy, nothing more than that; a fantasy he was content to pursue.. That is, before he met Gabriella. Somewhere along the line, he decided to finally let go of the past, because of her. Why chase a dream when you've been given a chance at having something real?

He sighed to himself. At least he thought there was a chance, before today. Perhaps Gabriella was as much a dream as Angelique. He was a fool to believe he had any chance of winning her affections, and to be honest, he wasn't sure he deserved them. Could he really give her more than any other man could? He wasn't exactly rich, and not as handsome a match as she could surely find, nor was he particularly clever, strong or witty. And this was all assuming she was even slightly interested in him in the first place. He slumped lower in his seat. Why would she be? She could have any man she wanted, and she probably had many admiring... patrons. He frowned in disappointment, closing his eyelids shut again.

"I'm sure it was only habit to her," he muttered. "She probably would have acted the same way to any of the others if they had paid her the notice I did; Monsieur le Chevalier, de Molyneux, even Corporal du Vr..-" He stopped himself, his eyes jolting open and his mouth falling agape. His stomach began to turn as his thoughts continued down that road. "..Martin. He was in Madame Marie's all night. What if.." His face fell. "It can’t be possible. They couldn't have..."

Halden furrowed his brows, slowly clenching his fists in anger. His usually rational mind began to cloud with jealousy and betrayal as thoughts of Martin 'learning to relax' with Gabrielle went through his head. He stood from his shadowed corner and made his way out of the stables, stepping towards the headquarters with a glower on his face. He would have to have a talk with Corporal du Vraise once he got back from his trip..

Last edited by elvensong, 26/Jul/05, 7:55 pm


---
Reality is only a crutch for those who can't handle Science Fiction. <3
26/Jul/05, 1:18 am Send Email to elvensong   Send PM to elvensong
 
elvensong
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A Friendly Chat..

It was early morning; very early morning. So early in fact, even the worms weren't awake yet. The sun's first rays were starting to peek over the horizon as it illuminated the sky with its orange glow. Some of the group were just dozing off from night watch.... Others were already awake and cooking breakfast (namely Halden).

Jo'Har stirred slightly and spotted the sun just coming up. She knew Selena would want to be up to start her morning routine and proceeded to yank the blanket off her to wake her. Selena groaned after a few moments and shivered with the morning chill. She lifted her head and glanced back over her shoulder at her horse, which turned her head to look back at her with a soft nicker.

Halden's eyes were still half-closed as he groggily sat next to the fire, having only slept about an hour or two after his night watch. He absently began chopping some herbs and tossed them into a pot sitting by the fire, filled to the brim with a lumpy, porridge-like soup.. Yum.

Selena shivered again and lifted her body, swinging her leg down and jumping off her horse to tug the blanket around her. "Yeah... morning to you too..." She groggily noticed Halden over by the fire. Feeling the urge to warm up, she headed over to sit next to him, warming herself from the flames. "'mornin..."

Halden started humming quietly to himself as he stirred in the herbs, and looked over to Selena as she sat down next to him, giving her a sleepy smile. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

Selena stared into the fire, still in a bit of a funk from slumber. She nodded with a yawn. "Yeah... and you?"

He rested his chin on his hand as he continued stirring. "As much as can be expected, considering I had to wake up once for watch and then again to start cooking.." He blinked and glanced at her again, his brow raised. "I noticed you sleeping on Jo'Har's back last night.. Weren't you uncomfortable?"

Selena smiled and shook her head, "No, I find it more comfortable than my bed really..." She smirked sheepishly. "Strange isn't it?"

Halden grinned, "Maybe a little. But if it works.." He paused, smirking. "..And I'm sure she doubles as an excellent morning alarm system."

She chuckled softly. "You saw that huh? Yeah, she's a joker when she wants to be... she likes doing that I think..."

He chuckled as well. "Maybe you should tell her to wait a few more hours next morning. You'd have to be insane to get up this early," he said, making a goofy face.

She giggled. "True, but I like to get my exercises done before patrol. You know... all that foolish sword waving and stuff...." She smirked and leaned in to smell at the pot, making a "Mmm, that smells good" face.

Halden smirked too, and looked down at the pot. "No need to act on my benefit.. Alas, I'm afraid I'm no gourmet." He wrinkled his nose a bit for effect, and then glanced over to where the others still lay sleeping.

"At least my timing is good.. It should be done in another hour, just in time for the others to drag themselves out of their bedrolls.." He hesitated as he spied Nicolas de Molyneux, also asleep, "I guess I was wrong; even the crazy are asleep at this hour!"

Selena stifled a laugh. She grinned and looked at him, a devilish glint in her eye, "Even our new crazy leader too...."

His face soured a bit at that. "Being crazy isn't his problem.. I can name a few other words for it." He frowned, looking back to the food for a second.

She nodded, "I admit he was doing his job in trying straighten us out a bit... but diving into the personal stuff... that was a bit too much..."

She glanced at him, shifting uncomfortably. "Now, thanks to him the whole patrol knows... or at least thinks they do... what happened up in the loft with me and Martin..."
 
He cleared his throat, awkwardly staring at the ground with a bitter frown. "I don't care what he was trying to do. He crossed a line, and if he tries to cross it again, he'll get more from me than a few unpleasant words." He paused for a few moments, glancing at her again. "..I had an idea Martin was with you that night, but I honestly didn't believe anything untoward happened."

He coughed, adding, "And even if it did, that was between the two of you."

She looked up at him, her smile fading. "Well, I wish I knew... all I remember is... well... just drinking..." She shook her head, "But anyway..."

Halden frowned, "In any case, it was hardly an acceptable topic for professional conversation."

Selena looked over at him, "He really crossed a line with you didn't he? I don't think I've seen you as angry.... well.. Except for the other day when you and Gabrielle.... you know..."

He furrowed his brows, nodding slowly. "I don't see how my relationships, or lack thereof, are any business of Riche or the Tenth. As long as I don't let it distract me from patrol business, it shouldn't matter. Last time I checked, I was in a patrol, not a Vaticine school."

He hesitated, looking down again. "Then again, maybe I have been letting it distract me a little.. But that wasn't the issue he brought up. I don't need some tactless stranger to tell me that I need to apologize. I don't know where I gave the impression that I'm not capable of handling this sort of thing on my own."

She nodded. "Well, you certainly handled yourself with him," She smirked. "I see you in a new light now..."

Halden smiled a bit out of the side of his mouth. "Really?.. Hmm." He furrows his brows thoughtfully. "Wait.. Is that a good light, or a bad light?"

She laughed. "Oh it's good..." "So, you mind if I ask you a personal question then?"

He thought for a moment. "I don't see why not.." He gave her a mock-frown. "..As long as you're not planning on waiting to ask it in the company of the entire group."

She snickered. "I wouldn't do that...." She paused and then looked at him curiously.

"Are you..." She hesitated for a moment. "Are you gonna talk to Gabrielle when we get back?...." She quickly added, "I mean, if you don't want to answer that, it's okay... just say so..."

He sighed slowly and ran his fingers through his hair. "I.. Don't really know. I said some things I doubt she could forgive me of.."

Halden grew quiet for a moment.

"And if you want the truth, I don't know what I would say. I can either go on with her hating me.. Or I can tell her how I really feel and wait for her to reject me. She clearly stated that she only saw me as a friend; even if I had hoped that her intentions were something more than that.."

Selena smirked a little, "But if she were afraid of getting hurt too, do you think she'd admit her feelings?"

He smiled sadly, "Gabriella Roux doesn't seem like the type to be afraid of anything.." he shrugged, "Besides, why would she bother with someone who has judged her as I have? She could have surely have anyone she wanted.."

She made a face. "You really think so? If that was the case, then men would be knocking down her door wouldn't they?..." she paused awkwardly, "Well... I mean, I would think that someone in her.... profession.... would be lonely.... longing for companionship... or even a close friend to talk to..."

He sighed, "Maybe.. But I don't want to be just a friend," he folded his arms and shook his head, "I guess when it comes down to it I've just got to be a man, admit my mistakes and find out once and for all where I stand.." He smirked softly. "..Besides, moping around the stables and attempting to avoid her isn't going to work for much longer."

She smiled at him, "If you mope around the stables too much, then people will wonder what I have going on in there.... first Martin... then you..." She chuckled. "For what it's worth... I don't think it's too late to talk to her.... once you both cool off of course..."

Halden stifled a laugh, but soon grew serious again. "I hope you're right.."

He smiled gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. "And if you don't mind me saying, I think you should have a talk with Martin as well. I mean, if that's what you want.." He paused before quickly adding, "But you know, it wasn't really his idea to go to Madame Marie's.."

She shrugged. "Well, what he does in his spare time doesn't bother me," she spoke as if she was unsure of that comment herself, "I just hope he gets better soon... I feel terrible that he got so drunk..."

He smirked a bit. "I'm sure he feels terrible about it, too.. Hopefully by the time we get back, he'll be over the hangover," he grinned. "But don't worry about it.. Everything will be straightened out, and we'll get him back here in the Tenth where he belongs... And then we won't have to deal with Riche anymore."

Selena chuckled. "I'll drink to that...." She made a face. "Well... eat to that...." She smiled.

Halden's eyes went wide. "Oh!!" He frowned and looked down at the pot again, grabbing a spoon and stirring the porridge which was now slightly brown around the edges.. "Oops.."

She chuckled and watched him fuss over the porridge. "I'm sure it's fine..."

He smirked, "I'll just give the burned parts to our esteemed leader."

Morning soon broke, and the rest of the patrol seemed to be stirring as Selena and Halden laughed at their joke. The funny thing was... no one got it but them.

Last edited by elvensong, 11/Aug/05, 9:05 pm


---
Reality is only a crutch for those who can't handle Science Fiction. <3
11/Aug/05, 9:03 pm Send Email to elvensong   Send PM to elvensong
 
elvensong
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I hate thinking up log titles.. >_>

Halden stood at the edge of camp, and although his eyes were trained on the forest in front of him, his mind drifted off elsewhere. It was impossible to concentrate on his patrol knowing that Phenix was in danger and he couldn't do a thing about it. It was even more difficult when there hadn't been an occurrence of note all night. The highlight of the evening involved a wild rabbit jumping out of a nearby bush and nearly skewering itself on his blade. It was too bad that the beast got away; rabbit would've been a nice snack. Other than that, there was little more to be seen than trees, trees, and more trees. He tried to stay focused on protecting the Tamisians, but in the silence of the night, there was only one thought in his mind. "..Theus, let her be all right.." He murmured quietly.

Funny, how little he'd thought about Gabriella these last few days. In his mind, everything was settled. It was his fault; he knew that. He couldn't blame her for the life she chose, even if he didn't agree with it. He knew exactly what he was going to say to her.. He'd thought about it many times since they left Phenix. And it seemed obvious that when they returned, she would be there waiting. And she would have cooled off by then, and he could finally tell her the truth. He loved her. It didn't matter to him what she did, or who she was before. Nothing else in the world mattered anymore. And maybe he couldn't offer her everything; in fact, he had very little to give her, aside from his affection. He only hoped that would be enough for her.

He hadn't needed to think about it anymore. There was no use dwelling on it; there wasn't much to be done until the got back, anyway. He had all the time in the world.. Or so he thought. Now something was threatening everything he had grown to care for, including her. Suddenly there was no time anymore. "Why didn't I tell her before?" He berated himself. "What if I've already missed my chance??.. What if she isn’t there when we get back?.. What if.."

He sighed again. And the worst part of it was the waiting. He wouldn't even know what had happened for four more days. If only Riche had let him go!.. He frowned, furrowing his brows as he tried to fight feelings of helplessness and resentment. He'd lost someone he cared about once before, and now it could happen again, and he couldn't do anything at all to stop it. He understood why he had to stay, but that didn't make it any easier. His place may have been here, but his heart was still in Phenix. If only he could have gone; maybe he could have done something, anything, just to make sure she would be there to have that talk with him when this was all over..

Halden's attention snapped back out of his thoughts and into reality as he heard the sound of rustling leaves, his eyes quickly darting around him and his sword raised to defend. He let out a breath of relief as he glanced up at the tree branches, which apparently were playing a joke at his expense; a wisp of wind blew across and caused them to dance noisily above him like muffled snickering. He ran a hand through his hair as he tried desperately to keep his mind on the perimeter and off of the slavers' attack.

"I'll drive myself crazy if I keep this up.." He muttered under his breath, glancing around the area again. "I could worry myself to death, and it wouldn't solve anything." He shook his head. It was pointless to assume the worst. Selena would warn them. She and that mare of hers would make it to Bascone and have the patrols assembled long before the slavers even set foot on La Motte soil. By the time they got back to town, the slaver scum would be dead, and Miette could patch up the scratches.. Everything would be all right. It had to be.

He nodded at that thought. "Everything will be all right.."

---
Reality is only a crutch for those who can't handle Science Fiction. <3
1/Oct/05, 6:44 pm Send Email to elvensong   Send PM to elvensong
 
GreydonQiVo
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A log for Halden, sorta...

A pair of hazel eyes fluttered open as the morning sunlight danced across the honey-brown hair that rested against their lids. Angelique moaned softly and brushed a few strands of hair out of her eyes, trying not to awaken from the strange and wonderful dream that was her new life. A few good baths and a decent pair of clothing had restored her femininity, but bruises and cuts still marred her once flawless skin and her damaged hair would take months to grow back to its former glory.

She sat up and took another long look around the room she now occupied, sighing deeply. It had been a long time since her days as one of Montaigne's upper crust; so long that she had almost forgotten how it felt to be safe and clean. Had she not been so tired, she likely would not have been able to sleep, with the overwhelming quiet that surrounded her. Even now, the only sound in the room was the faint chirping of songbirds outside her window. Not that she missed the noise of roaring fires, drunken slavers, beatings and whippings in the distance.. Or fifty odd men snoring and scratching themselves in the bunkhouse. But there was something odd and unsettling still.

The birds continued to sing outside, as if coaxing the girl out of her bed. She slowly stood and reached for her clothes while holding her fractured arm close to her body. One-armed dressing was awkward, but she was starting to get used to it. Once the task was done, she brushed the wrinkles out of her skirt and left the bedroom, making her way downstairs and smiling in greeting as she entered the kitchen.

"It's about time you got up, girl. Do you know what time it is?" An older woman called to her as she stirred over a large pot. The woman was stocky, with stern eyes and black hair speckled with gray. Her husband sat near her, resting his elbows on the table as he waited for his lunch (at which point the woman promptly scolded him for bad table manners). The two were of the few that had actually decided to return to their homes in Phenix, and furthermore, decided to take the ex-slave into their home until she found a permanent residence.

"Stop pestering her, Florette." The man murmured as he ran a hand through his balding hair, before giving Angelique a polite grin. He motioned to the seat next to him as she stepped closer. "You missed breakfast, but you're just in time for lunch.."

Angelique grinned in return and sat down, folding her hands in her lap and sniffing at the air as the aroma of stewed vegetables filled the room. "Smells good."

---

Halden stood and wiped a hand across his forehead after having moved all of the hay into the stable. Earlier he was informed that the Lancers would returning, so logically, the thing to do was to spend the next few hours restoring the stables to their former glory.. Or, at least that's what he'd been telling himself. In actuality, he was trying to make sure when Gabriella was there, that he wouldn't be; he wasn't sure whether the decision was made out of cowardice or courtesy.

The Vendel's face was drooped into a perpetual frown as he recalled for the hundredth time that night when they found her, the look in her eyes and sound of her frightened whimpers imprinted in his mind. Although the news of her condition that had made it's way to him hadn't been very promising, he hoped that by now she would be better; but he wasn't about to push his boundaries again. So all he could do until then was give the horses a little extra attention, whether they liked it or not.

---

It was a few hours after lunch and Angelique was just stepping out of the town hall after speaking with some of the other slaves and getting medicine for her arm. The sun was starting to set as she exited and closed the door, taking a deep breath and a long look around the town she now knew as Phenix; an appropriate name considering the patch of land's troubled history. Some of the slaves were talking about settling down and taking to the life of farming, but that didn't exactly appeal to the ex-noble. Others spoke of the militia, the last line of defense for La Motte; now there was a pleasant thought. And then there was the patrol.. Angelique's eyes settled on the headquarters across the street where the group of rescuers resided. Perhaps she should go and thank them properly for their assistance..

---

Halden started whistling as he stepped towards the stables, feeling for the first time as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. His thoughts were, as always, with Gabriella, but on a much happier note than they had been in a long time. Staying away seemed all at once less painful but infinitely more difficult knowing she was safe from whatever had hold of her before. There were still so many things to say, but he was content to give Gabriella all the space she wanted for now; even if it meant that the proclaiming of his love for her would have to wait a few days. Heck, he'd jump off a bridge right now if she were the one to ask him. He looked up at the sky, only now appreciating its beauty. Maybe tomorrow would be a good day..

"Excuse me?" came a voice from behind him, feminine and polite. He turned to look at the woman smiling back at him, her hair cut far too short and boyish for her face and her long green dress swishing around her as she stepped closer. He could tell by the arm and the bruises on her face that she was one of the slaves; still, there was something familiar about her. She gave him a perplexed look that matched his own as soon as she spotted his face, as if she too saw something familiar in him. She paused for a long moment, squinting and looking him over.
"Can I.. Help you, mademoiselle?" He frowned, tilting his head and looking her over. Only when she stepped a bit closer and the fading sunlight hit her face did it all become clear. His mouth fell agape and he stared at her wide-eyed as he muttered her name under his breath; the name of the woman he had been searching for since the madness began..

"Halden..?" Angelique stepped closer, touching a hand against his cheek without hesitation. Apparently all of those months pretending to be a male had stripped away some of her stiff etiquette..

"..Is it you?"


Last edited by GreydonQiVo, 14/Jan/06, 10:12 pm


---
"But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams." -- Sean Bean(Equilibrium)
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