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Lost Ninja
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WORST DM EVER ><
this is all originally from lanky bugger in the giants forum...
The Character
Today I had a day off, so I decided to check out this gaming group a friend was in. He said the DM (now nicknamed PsychoDM) was a little weird, but seemed alright. Last night I was told to make a level 5 character, preferably someone who could tank, heal, or was a skill-monkey (the primary was a Bard, at the moment).
Enter Diego "Ash" Althaes, former scout for the Imperial army and now an Acolyte in the services of the Fharlanghn. He is a rather frail looking human youth with a windblown shock of ash gray hair (hence the nickname "Ash"), wearing only the robes common to many of the Fharlanghn's priests and wielding only a worn-looking, if well made Bastard Sword at his side. A sturdy, if also well-worn traveling pack sits comfortably on his back as he strides the road. The only curious thing about him, aside from the bastard sword, is a red ribbon wrapping one arm. It ends well short of his hand, but you'd almost swear it was occasionally letting a drop of blood fall. Looking behind him, you can see that this is the case, as every few hundred paces or so you can just make out dried blood following in his footsteps.
In game terms, he's a Human Rogue 3/Cleric 2. He started out as a Rogue, and he's found god after a particularly nasty battle, which resulted in the cursed ribbon being placed on his arm by his foe. The curse is slowly sapping his life from him. In game terms he only heals at half the normal rate for a character of his level. At the end of every day he must take a just a sip from a potion he's learned to brew (DC 19 Craft: Alchemy check, with a sale cost of 300 Gold for five flasks worth, with me being able to brew five flasks with one check) or take 1d4-1 temporary Con damage, no save. The potion lasts for roughly thirty sips before I have to brew more. The most frightening aspect of the curse for Ash is that the magic used to make it was incredibly rare, and normal avenues for removing curses just don't want to work. A diviner has told me that the only way he knows of to break the curse is to kill the one who gave it to me. PsychoDM told me to make an interesting character with plot hooks, so I unleashed my imagination. A cursed soldier who's found God, looking for the cure to his curse? Plot hooks aplenty with this one. The only thing I asked PsychoDM for in return for this curse was an extra feat, that feat being Skill Focus Craft: Alchemy.
The Game
At this time, I'd like to point out that I was the new guy to the group, and the only person I knew beforehand was a friend who was playing a Halfling Sorcerer. He'd been with PsychoDM since they'd started this campaign, four sessions ago. So, the game is about ready to begin. We're all seated around my living room table (normally games happen at PsychoDM's house, but it was being painted). Bowls of chips rest amid plastic and lead Warhammer miniatures and everybody is getting along fine. PsychoDM had already approved the character's backstory and character sheet (including the curse and the mechanics behind it and the potion), when he asks to see my character sheet just to double check the stats and such. I don't have a problem with this as I hadn't changed anything, so I hand it over and I see him frown. He then hands the character sheet back to me and informs me that I'll be taking 1d6 temporary Con damage a day, "to make things more interesting". This bothers me a little bit as that meant three decent rolls could kill me (or pretty much any character), but I don't complain. It doesn't make a huge difference, and I've got two metal flasks of the potion buried safely in my backpack, plus another metal flask of the potion in a side-pouch under my robes. I can brew up another batch by taking 10 on an Alchemy roll, provided eight hours of not doing anything and access to a small city to hunt the ingredients down (which would take a successful Gather Information check).
After the party meets up and gets the introductions out of the way (we're all on a mission to nail some minor Orc warlord), we head off in the direction of a city where we can get an exact fix on the warlord's location.
Random encounter time. The game has been on for half an hour, so some of the players are eager to get into a good scrap. We run into a group of eight bandits. Four of them have longswords, two have shortbows, two have spears, and all of them are wearing studded leather. I make a token attempt at dissuading the bandits from attacking, which they ignore completely. I move up and flank one of the bandits with the party's Fighter and Sneak Attack damage kicks in, because he's flanked. The guy drops with a single swing of my Bastard Sword, as I dealt him 20 damage.
This is where PsychoDM's first complaint comes in. He tries to tell me that as a Cleric, I can't use Sneak Attack damage, as it goes against my God's religion. I point out that either way, I'm putting holes in someone who's attacking travelers on the road, and that I'm pretty sure Fharlanghn doesn't like bandits using his roads to harm people. Plus he's Neutral, not Good, so I doubt he really gives a damn about the way I put holes in the people abusing his roads. PsychoDM finally agrees, but I did notice that all the other bandits seemed to be a level or two higher. I guess I'd been fighting Atgar the Flimsy Rookie Bandit. It didn't really bother me. It might have been an honest mistake on PsychoDM's part, as he might have forgotten to adjust for the fact that I'm one of the two tanks in the party and I have a +2d6 damage when dealing with flanked and/or flatfooted enemies. However, one of the bandits with a spear scored a Critical hit against me (behind PsychoDM screen) and it's at this point that PsychoDM announces he's going to start using a special critical hit system. He “rolls” and the strike hits my back. So that means it hits my backpack.
Shock and awe, when he rolls to see which item is completely destroyed, it's a flask of the potion. The hit hurts on top of all this, but a Cure Light Wounds on myself and I'm still up. This bothered PsychoDM for some reason, but whatever. After the fight when I take off my pack, I discover that the critical hit that took out my one flask had managed to hit both, because they were packed together. At least, he points out, you've probably gotten your dose for the day. Oh, thanks for the help. I'm sure it'll make a huge difference.
So, night rolls on. I tell PsychoDM I'm taking my dose and going to bed. Holding the d6 (and I'm sure I knew what for) he looks shocked, and tells me I don't have any more. The bandit got both of the flasks in my bag. I tell him I've got a third flask of the stuff that's not in my backpack, but in side pouch entirely separate from my backpack. Hence why it wasn't included in the item list he "rolled" on to see which items were destroyed when my backpack got ganked. So, I repeat that I'm taking my daily dose of medicine and then getting some sleep.
So, a few days in-game pass by as we travel, no further incidents. We get to a large city, and we're told we're going to have to meet with the local lord to get some information about the Orc warlord operating south of his city. A couple weeks south of the city, to put a fine point on it. Unfortunately, it'll take all day to get in to meet the lord. The party says they just want to skip straight to the meeting, and I tell PsychoDM I'm not going, I want to do something else in the city.
He seems surprised, and asks why. I politely tell him that while my party is waiting to speak with the lord, I'm going to use the time to get the ingredients I need and make my potions. I don't need to roleplay the stuff, I add, so it won't take much time. I doubt the lord wants me dripping blood all over his nice rugs while I wait, so I may as well do the party a favor and not make him angry. Thinking this is settled, I ask him how much it's going to cost me to rent a kitchen to have access to the fire I need to brew five flasks worth and what the Gather Information DC is to find the alchemical ingredients. He tells me I wouldn't skip out on the chance to meet a famous lord. I point out that I wasn't going to put off making more of my potion unless I absolutely had to, and this was a perfect opportunity.
Fine, he says. I'm forced to pay ten gold to rent a huge kitchen (like three stoves, which strikes me as odd but I'm an adventurer, I've got more than enough gold to choke a dragon). He says that the Gather Information DC is 19 and then has me roll. I make it, having rolled a 16 before my rather extensive modifiers. He then tries to tell me I've failed, as my cursed arm keeps creeping people out. I return that I'm not dripping enough blood for people to really notice it immediately (it's not gushing, I'm losing a drop of blood maybe once every couple minutes) for one, and if it were more difficult it should have been included in the DC. So he has me roll again, this time versus DC 21. An 15 (before modifiers) sees my way to gathering the information, and I can see his blood pressure rising.
---
at least im not cody
NINJA DUST AH-TA! *POOF*
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9/30/2007, 7:09 pm
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Lost Ninja
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
part 2
I inform him that while I'm visiting the herbalist's shops I'm buying enough ingredients for two batches. He says this will increase the DC accordingly, and I point out yes, he's already said that if I ever needed to brew more than one batch at once, the DC for all of the batches would be at +3... Something I can easily manage with my +12 bonus to Craft: Alchemy. So it's now time to roll for the brewing of the potions. I tell him I'm going to use the Take 10 option (which automatically brings me to the requisite 22 I need for a success) as I'm not hurried and don't want to mess up. He flips out. He actually breaks his pencil in his grip and asks to speak with me in another room. I agree, and we go into my living room.
He tells me that I'm being a terrible player, and I'm trying to negate a disadvantage I've given myself to gain a free feat. He tells me that he's going to take the feat away from me, because I'm not roleplaying my curse. I point out that the only real use I had for the feat was as something to help alleviate the curse, and that taking a -1d6 temporary Con damage every day if I don't have access to my potion is not something that is going to be treated lightly by my character. By taking this curse so seriously, seriously enough I'd want to skip out on meeting a famous lord, I am roleplaying my curse exactly as it should be. Missing it for three days might just be enough to completely kill my character, so of course it's something he's going to be paranoid about. If he's extraordinarily lucky, he might last a little under two weeks without his potions. I add that he's not going to march off into the wilderness with our objective at least two weeks away, with only one flask. That would be begging for death.
He tells me that the feat is gone, so the brewing failed. I tell him that if the feat goes, the curse goes with it, and I'm not going to have it any other way. The curse is meant to be an interesting, if rarely used weakness. If I'm imprisoned for some reason, I get sick very quickly if I don't have my potions. If I'm separated from my possessions, I get sick very quickly. It's not meant to be something he constantly has to worry about all the damned time, and that if it was I would have had the mechanics we'd agreed on for the curse be reflected differently. If he didn't want me to have the curse the way it was, I would have not bothered with it. I don't want my character on the verge of death all the time. It's supposed to be a stabilized illness, not an out of control illness.
He finally concedes the point, and we return to the table.
Surprise, everybody thinks I'm a witch. Never mind the fact mages are as common as warriors, we passed a wizard's guild on the way into town, and we saw a cleric using his spells to help a farmer not a day behind us... I now have a small group of angry peasants outside my door, with the law. I calmly tell PsychoDM that I'm going to put a small cut on my arm, and that I'm going to walk outside. The peasants say I'm a devil who leaves the blood of children in my wake, and the town guard now needs to ask me a few questions. I look surprised, and then pretend to notice some blood drip down my arm. I calmly tell the guards that I'm a simple healer and priest, but I have a medical condition that means my wounds don't close naturally. I just didn't notice I was bleeding because it was such a small scratch. PsychoDM tells me to roll a Bluff check between ground teeth. I roll a natural 20 which isn't an automatic success, but it might as well be against these guards... my Bluff check, thanks to three levels of Rogue, was pretty high. Presumably a twenty for their Sense Motive still wouldn't have beaten my Bluff Check (I've never once seen these rolls he's been making), because he finally tells me I pass after a long silence. The guards disperse the crowd, and I walk back inside the kitchen where my potions are brewing.
The Breaking Point
For some reason the guy I'd rented the place off had come into the room and knocked the potions over, ruining my ingredients and about six hours of in-game time. I think PsychoDM tried to tell me something about how he was drunk and I should go meet up with the party but at this point, I as a player stand up and tell PsychoDM the game is over. I quit. He tells me that this is fine, I wasn't invited back to the next session anyways. He goes on to add, in a lofty voice, that he was wondering when I'd get the hint. He turns to his players (who are now putting away their things) as if expecting to continue the game. Bear in mind oh gentle readers, that this entire thing has been happening in my own home. We are sitting at my table and in my oven is a five pound lasagna we were cooking for dinner.
When the other players notice PsychoDM not moving, there's a heavy silence. PsychoDM calmly speaks: "I'm sure That Lanky Bugger has no problems with us finishing the session, guys. It's not like he's going to kick fellow gamers out. Besides, he can't eat all the lasagna himself, heh heh."
I don't say a word. I'm so shocked at the stupidity that has just dropped from this man's mouth. Finally I tell him that while no, I'm not going to kick them out, I will be kicking him out. The others are free to leave or stay for food and gaming of their own volition, but he is certainly no longer welcome in my home. He is required to leave, right the hell now.
He laughs in my face and says that I can't make him leave. So, he’s now threatening me in my own home. Fine. I tried to be civil about it but I didn't owe this jerk a single damned thing.
Right away I pick up the cordless phone and dial 911. I've asked nicely, and I'm not about to wreck my furniture by physically wrestling this guy outside. He was watching me on the phone. I guess he didn't think far enough ahead to figure out who I was calling, after a statement like that. When the operator answers, I calmly tell her that I've just asked a visitor who's no longer welcome to leave my home and he's told me that I can't "make him" leave. Would it be at all possible to send a patrol car by so that a police officer can "make him" leave, as I don't want to assault him? She tells me a car is on the way, and I hang up.
He calmly declares that it was all a hoax, that I would never call the cops on a fellow gamer. I tell him once more that he should leave, as I'm not going to press charges if he agrees to leave right now. He stubbornly sits in the chair, and tries (unsuccessfully) to get the others to continue the game. They sit around the table, completely shell-shocked. After maybe five or ten minutes there's a knock at the door. Outside my home there's flashing red and blue lights. I open the door, and simply tell the officers the situation in the plainest terms possible. I don't want him charged with anything, I just want him out of my home.
They tell him he has to leave and he does after he gathers up his stuff. He tried to take a couple of my Warhammer miniatures, but I corrected him and the other players backed me on that. I make certain he has everything before he leaves. I thank the officers and chat with them for a couple minutes, and then they leave as well. I don't even want to file a report, I just wanted to avoid an incident that might require one.
The Return
Ten minutes later, we're all hanging out in my dining room. This would have been the fifth session for them and now that they'd seen this display, they'd pretty much all agreed amongst themselves that PsychoDM would not be gaming with them in the future. We hear a furious knocking on the door, and someone is screaming about how he’s left something and I’d better give it back right now.
I look out the window and it’s PsychoDM. Again I call the cops and this time I’m informed that they’ll be taking him into custody. I didn’t even leave my house until after the cops (the same pair who’d been over before) rolled up. For a moment it looked like he was about to try to run, but I guess he figured out that the in-shape cops would catch his out-of-shape ass pretty easily. They escort him to the car, cuff his hands, and put him in the back.
I spoke with the cops for a little while longer, and though he’s going to have an impressive criminal record of petty crimes there’s nothing major he can be charged with. Most guys like him get nailed with big things when they try to run, or resist arrest. Looks like he’s going to get out of jail sometime tonight, when they’ve properly processed him. They take my statement, and get the rest of the people there to sign something agreeing with my version of events. They didn't want much paperwork on this one either, I guess.
After that incident, the group and I hung out and played some Final Stand by Tim Denee. I don’t think I’ll be seeing any of them again (except for the friend playing the Halfling Sorc), but it was a really nice session after PsychoDM got booted.
God, I really wish my role-playing was as functional as those guys at Critical Miss.
---
at least im not cody
NINJA DUST AH-TA! *POOF*
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9/30/2007, 7:09 pm
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Lost Light
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
My god. Crazy bastard DM.
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9/30/2007, 7:28 pm
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Lost Superhero
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
lol, why is this on Leylines?
Cody! use your mod powers!!!!!
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Flame on!
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9/30/2007, 7:34 pm
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Lost Light
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
Good question. But as it stands my mod powers only work on the DnD section and are soon to be terminated....dammit I can't unmoderator myself.
Last edited by Lost Light, 9/30/2007, 9:56 pm
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9/30/2007, 7:41 pm
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Lost Ninja
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
eh i only did it to spit some forum nazis id like to think capt. america and spiderman would do the same if they were in my position
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at least im not cody
NINJA DUST AH-TA! *POOF*
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9/30/2007, 7:41 pm
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Lost Wolf
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
i got chills from how reminiscent that sounded of my GM, of course instead of getting pissed he'd just off your character, lol. Good Times.
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9/30/2007, 8:09 pm
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Lost Light
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
Yikes. It's okay Corey you have a sane DM now...if one who likes saving the world quests a bit much...better than a psychotic moron!
Last edited by Lost Light, 9/30/2007, 9:53 pm
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9/30/2007, 9:52 pm
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Lost Ninja
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
well... hes only a little insane... ryan likes charcoal a little too much... *shiver* ryan had like a charcoalgasm today it was weird
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at least im not cody
NINJA DUST AH-TA! *POOF*
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9/30/2007, 9:58 pm
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Lost Light
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Re: WORST DM EVER ><
CHARCOAL! GRAPHITE!!!! CHARCOAL!!!
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9/30/2007, 10:01 pm
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