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wills
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William's goodbye to James. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
My friend :my confidant.
I was getting ready to sail my ship when I got the letter. it said urgent . What was so urgent that I was to leave my duties and head straight home:not to my home in Southampton but to my home in Dalbeattie.
It was a very chilly day in November when I boarded the train..errie feeling the train was .as I never did to particulalry care for them ...but they were the fastest way to travel over land.... so no other way.anything to get home to my family.in their time of need..my time of need....I slowly boarded the train.. hesistant with the fear of what was so urgent...my thoughts raced as fast as the train I was traveling on.. I tried to find a reason for it but I couldn't...so ...I began to prepare myself for devastating news...as the train got ever so close to Dalbeattie ..my heart thumped so loud in my chest that I thought it was gonna wake the passenger next to me..
with a slight heave the train began slowing and finally pulled to a complete stop at the station...my legs were numb as I knew my family was waiting for me .. I could barely stand.. I was scared that I was very soon gonna find out what the sence of urgency was all about..I wished with all my heart that it was gonna be good news however I felt in my my heart that it wasn't ..
when I arrived tis was overwhelmingly sad news. I remeber hearing he's gone. and seeing my sister sobbing with her head buried in my fathers chest.and seeing my father trying to maintain composure it must of been hard for him as this was the second child he had lost and then earlier this year he had lost his baby brother as well.poor da.and ma . I fell to my knees and begged the lord for this to be untrue. How could he have left me in such a short time. twasn't fair he was my friend my confidant he knew me... we were best friends.He was my brother.. I thought he was invinsable. I needed him here ..here with me . I stood there staring at his marker. the last thing that would ever let anyone know that he was ever on earth.
it had his name and date of birth and date of death on it. the same as the others. I felt my soul bein' washed with fear and hatred and loneliness. I couldnt believe he had left me .. he had left so sudden the last time I saw him he was fine he told me that he would always be there . why!! why !! why would he lie to me?.
he never did before.
He was a very special person to me and my whole family the oldest of 3 boys my dads first son .. he was always there for me .I still remembered the last talk we had. him being 6 years older then me I knew and looked up to him as being more intellegent then I ever could have been. He knew every answer to every question but I guess that is how little brothers always feel about their bigger brothers...right?
As I stood there looking at his gravestone.. I saw both dates and I saw the dash in between .. I remembered one thing that he told me... when he died he would at least been able to say that the dash was not taken in vain . He would live his life to the fullest and never regret a day of it. He would make that dash count ..
and he did. As I sat there sobbing uncontrollably I kept asking him why James why did you leave me . I never got to say goodbye. twasnt fair .. you were my best friend I need you I cant live without you . What am I going to do now? Why did you leave me here by myself in this big world?
It hit me that I never really got to know him that well. I knew him from the first 14 yrs of my life and meeting up again at various other times . I took my life to the sea and twas where I belonged he use to tell me. twas my home . and by george do not let anyone tell me different.
as I remembered that I could hear him laugh .
the last time I saw him he grabbed me by my neck and hugged me tightly and told me "I love ya brother don't be a stranger".
James was gone .. now what? Where do I began ? How am I too carry on? He was my strength I needed him.
Then it hit me . I knew what I was going to do it twas the greatest honour I could give him. I was going to live my life to the fullest and make my dash count just like he did.
william
Last edited by wills, Nov/2/2006, 12:18 am
---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........
Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.
http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
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Aug/25/2004, 1:34 am
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wills
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Re: william's goodbye to james.
last night i had a flashback...one i could not get out of ..it was so real. i remembered part of my life. a very difficult part of my life. as you can tell from above it was the death of my oldest brother james. please bear with me as these flashes are getting very difficult to get through. i hope everyone is ok with this.
wills
---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........
Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.
http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
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Aug/25/2004, 1:37 am
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Merzibelle
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
 *Hugs Wills tightly* Share, dearest... I... we.... are here for you. Always...
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And the sea will grant each man new hope, as sleep brings dreams of home. ~ Christopher Columbus.
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Aug/25/2004, 1:46 am
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wills
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
will hugs mb back twas a very difficult memory.. i hope this gets easier but i know it isnt.
thanks mb fro the hug. will appreciates it.
very much
wills
---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........
Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.
http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
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Aug/25/2004, 1:48 am
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bess
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
awww Will.
that was heartbreaking to read, i hope you are ok.
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Aug/25/2004, 1:55 am
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The Foxes
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
You share with us as much as you want Wills
I hope we can help you
---
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
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Aug/25/2004, 2:34 am
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wills
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
thnk you guys for all your support. i knew i could count on you all.
thanks so much. tis means a lot me more then i could ever possibly explain in simple words.
thanks .
wills
---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........
Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.
http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
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Aug/25/2004, 5:06 am
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Lights
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
That was instense, Will...I am so sorry that he died so suddenly...and I second MB...I'm here for ya anytime you wanna talk about it 
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"What I remember about that night- what I will remember as long as I live- is the people crying out to each other as the stern began to plunge down. I heard people crying, 'I love you.'"
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Aug/25/2004, 1:58 pm
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wills
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
thank you very much lights.
it was sudden i should say to me because the last time i had remembered seeing him he was not sick or at least he didnt look it or act it. so it was a complete or almost complete shock. i guess i just expected him to be there forever. but that is not he way it works.
wills
---
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporay problem........
Whatever obstacles control,
Go on, true heart,
thou'lt reach the goal.
http://com4.runboard.com/bthetitanicshack
wills~~~~~
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Aug/25/2004, 8:35 pm
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Lights
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Re: william's goodbye to james. not for the weak at heart .you have been warned.
I think sudden deaths are the most traumatic because there is no way to gain any closure at all...and that is, at least to me, important.
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"What I remember about that night- what I will remember as long as I live- is the people crying out to each other as the stern began to plunge down. I heard people crying, 'I love you.'"
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Aug/28/2004, 1:37 pm
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EMAILLights
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