Page: 1 2
AlesiaJo
Apprentice
Global user
Registered: 01-2005
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 75
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
How do I help her?
My daughter's close friend died last week. Does anyone have any experience with how to deal with this? It's hard seeing a fifteen-year-old going thru this. I know she needs her friends now, but all I want to do is hold on tighter and that would be a mistake.
How do I help her? How do I handle my own feelings? Any ideas, any support would be great. It's only been a week, but I don't want to do anything that will make her push me away.
AlesiaJo
---
Reading: On Writing (again)
Rewriting: Dream Journal
|
|
4/3/2006, 11:54 am
|
Send Email to AlesiaJo
Send PM to AlesiaJo
|
duval1219
Apprentice
Global user
Registered: 01-2006
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 49
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
I wish I could help AlesiaJo. I feel for her and you. Do they have councilers at her school that help students with grieving the loss of their friends? I know they do here in Florida. I would think being with friends her age would help. They probably have a way of bonding with each other in their grief. Just be there for her when she needs you. She'll get through it even as hard as it might be.
Robert
---
"Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it." -Jesse Stuart
|
|
4/3/2006, 12:37 pm
|
Send Email to duval1219
Send PM to duval1219
|
AlesiaJo
Apprentice
Global user
Registered: 01-2005
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 75
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
I wish they would have gotten greif councelors in there. We live in a small community of 500. And the school said they don't bring in greif councelors when it's a natural death. Although I don't understand how natural a fifteen-year-old getting sick on friday and dying on Sunday is. Yes, there is a little anger there.
I know she will get through it. I just need help to get her through it. Thanks for the support Robert.
AlesiaJo
---
Reading: On Writing (again)
Rewriting: Dream Journal
|
|
4/4/2006, 1:22 am
|
Send Email to AlesiaJo
Send PM to AlesiaJo
|
Firlefanz
Master Scribe
Global user (premium)
Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 502
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
*hugs*
Sorry to hear that, Alesia. It must be hard for your daughter to lose a friend like this, so I suppose that grief is intense, although natural.
Still, I find that the technique used in the following link is easy to learn and very helpful: Emotional Freedom Techniques
--- - Firlefanz
Reading: "Optatio Onyx" - Timo Bader (ed.)
Writing: Rewrite of "Evelina Unicorn Girl"
Hannah Steenbock |
|
4/4/2006, 9:35 am
|
Send Email to Firlefanz
Send PM to Firlefanz
|
wanda7
Master Scribe
Global user
Registered: 02-2005
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 312
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
Oh, I'm so sorry. This is really hard. And it's a hard time.
I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner.
First, you need to give her some space, and you need to communicate that you're there for support. When my father and nephew died, we all stumbled about for a long while. Gradually, the girls (my nieces) stopped talking about their brother at home because their parents were so distraught.
Sometimes I would just talk to them about Dan (my nephew, their brother). We talked about what a cool guy he was.
His friends put together a journal to give to the family. They got together in a group and wrote out their favourite Dan stories, added pictures, and recorded songs that they associated with him. They gave the package of book, pictures, and cd to my brother and sister-in-law. It's a cherished gift and it helped the kids involved process some of their feelings, bond with each other, and find an outlet for their confusion and grief.
We also planted a tree on the school property.
Listening is key, I think, but sometimes the pump has to be primed. The girls just had their old dog die, and they were heartbroken. Not just because of the loss of a dear pet, but because the dog (Brandy) was a tie to their brother (he'd picked her out). My brother went over and sat on the lawn with his daughters and just started the conversation with a story... I remember when Brandy... and off they went. They traded Brandy stories for a while and it seemed to bring some peace to the girls.
Good luck with this.
Wanda
---
----------
Reading: Anansi Boys, 28 Barbary Lane Omnibus
Writing: TDB
----------
If you are obsessing about something, you may as well take that and put it to use, to create something.
Joni Mitchell
|
|
4/24/2006, 3:59 pm
|
Send Email to wanda7
Send PM to wanda7
|
AlesiaJo
Apprentice
Global user
Registered: 01-2005
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 75
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
I appreciate the advice. The first reaction that I was having was fear. I'm still keeping a close eye on her, but I am very impressed with how the girls are talking to each other about Katie and being there for each other. I know that there will be triggers along the way too. We will be playing everything by ear for awhile from here on out.
Thanks everyone,
AlesiaJo
---
Reading: On Writing (again)
Rewriting: Dream Journal
|
|
4/25/2006, 11:00 am
|
Send Email to AlesiaJo
Send PM to AlesiaJo
|
SFGirl
Scribus Administratus
Global user
Registered: 01-2004
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 939
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
AlesiaJo, I'm sorry I missed this thread earlier. I'm glad to hear that your daughter and her friends seem to be finding ways to deal with their loss.
I found that when my dear aunt died in December, the kids were very sad but seemed to like talking about her. I found that facing the subject head-on and not shying away from it worked for us--we didn't avoid talking about her and so it wasn't a terrible, mysterious subject for the kids.
I'll keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.
Sherry
---
Reading: Seeker by Jack McDevitt
Writing: editing The Big Freeze
Drawing: Grapes still life
Listening: James Patrick Kelly's podcast of "Men Are Trouble"
|
|
5/1/2006, 4:46 pm
|
Send Email to SFGirl
Send PM to SFGirl
|
Zildjian
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 05-2006
Posts: 1
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
I say take a family vacation.
_______________________________________
[[[[[[[[[[ Zildjian ]]]]]]]]]]
[[[[[[[[[[ Listening to : Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California ]]]]]]]]]]
|
|
5/26/2006, 10:48 pm
|
Send Email to Zildjian
Send PM to Zildjian
|
AlesiaJo
Apprentice
Global user
Registered: 01-2005
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 75
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
Thank you all. Talk about a freakin' mess around here. My mother-in-law died at the end of April. She fell and hit her head. She just didn't come out of it.
The kids seem to be doing okay, even my daughter. She was a worry for us, but she has been doing good. I haven't wrote since really before Katie died. I know that it will all take time, and that is what we've been trying to do, take some time to relax.
Thanks again to you all. I'm going to start coming back again.
AlesiaJo
---
Reading: On Writing (again)
Rewriting: Dream Journal
|
|
6/1/2006, 8:12 pm
|
Send Email to AlesiaJo
Send PM to AlesiaJo
|
Firlefanz
Master Scribe
Global user (premium)
Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 502
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: How do I help her?
Oh dear Alesia, that's awful news. I hope you can find your way back into some kind of normalcy.
*hugs*
--- - Firlefanz
Reading: nothing right now
Writing: Planning stuff. Dealing with rejections.
Hannah Steenbock |
|
6/2/2006, 6:05 am
|
Send Email to Firlefanz
Send PM to Firlefanz
|
Add a reply
Page: 1 2
Link to us
- Blogs
- Hall of Honour
- Chat
|
You are not logged in (login)
Board's time is: 11/27/2009, 6:35 am
|
|
|
