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Bob Deadwords
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Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
Due to some unforseen delays, Please stay tuned to this channel for an interview like you've never read before....in the meantime -
Last edited by Bob Deadwords, 1/21/2005, 8:49 am
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10/24/2004, 8:14 am
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produce
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
Gosh (Gomer for ****) I sure hope you and
Felix
are not talking about ME Mr Deadwords.
Unfortunately, since nobody else around here
is named Produce
you probably are.
I've heard a lot about how the press (not you NPR guys of course) can twist and cut and spin and un-context your words. Kind of like Mr Bush accusing Kerry of needing permission from France to defend America. Knowing France they probably wouldn't give it then where'd we be? Nuked by one of Saddam's anti-matter WMD's is where we'd be. Thank 'god' GW Condi Colin and Donald went over there and shot up the place.
That's why we need you back if just for a post Mr Lather. As you see, just about everybody here is going to
vote Mr Bush in (almost legally this time).
Everybody except me and darvijen and Ruffus and god and Mz Banks and Mz Jenna and
Mr Euqene and Mr Deadwords and Laura and the twins and BARB and ...
Last edited by produce, 10/24/2004, 2:21 pm
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10/24/2004, 12:04 pm
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Bob Deadwords
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
...at long last, let's officially begin. My apologies for the delays...
Dr. Hiram T. Produce, better known as "Produce Manager" first appeared on the pages of that formery popular internet satire site, The Spoof, back in the winter of '04 just as the much respected publishers, the Lowton Twins, sold the empire to Jack "the giant killer" McVootie.
As one of the principle contributors during the highest traffic period in their history, Produce created yarns that would literally spin the heads of the Spoof readership, (as well as that of his fellow writers), if not by his madcap take on "reality news", certainly by the shear volume of consistently humorous stories he cranked out daily. Fellow Spoof writers were often left slack-jawed by the talent he displayed in delivering top notch satire at a rate of sometimes three and four stories per day.
Among this tight-knit group of back-biting, socially perverted writers  , Produce was known as the "Grocery-Boy/Standard-bearer" of the most digestible goods that were being delivered from the stores of a ship-in-flames, (thespoof.com).
Always the friendliest voice on board, Produce gave keen notice and optimistic support to those writers in various states fundus minus, as well as those who were outright casualties of the nasty wars taking place behind the electron curtain at The Spoof.
Suddenly and without warning, even this perpetually assenting pragmatist, PM, withdrew from the constricting confines of this once open-armed satire stage, and with this interview maybe the insights elicited might shed some light on what seems to be the results of an increasingly conservative censorship that was most likely the downfall of an outlet that was, in its origins, a stepping stone, as well as a permanent stage for writers from all walks.
Sheeze, that was a mouthful. Let's just have fun instead:
Produce, everyone knows you best as a rabid writer of satire, is it true that you are actually a produce manager in your everyday life? And, if so, on a daily basis how do you manage these identities?
Last edited by Bob Deadwords, 1/21/2005, 8:44 am
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10/31/2004, 2:00 pm
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produce
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
Thanks Mr Deadwords for the flowery intro .. almost as good as Arnold introducing
Gw or Mrs Clinton's husband introducing Mrs Heinz's husband.
Nope, I wasn't around when those fabled folks called the "Lowtons" managed the Spoof.
My first introduction to the Spoof was when I wrote a story called,
"Spoof Sued for all the money in the World".
Probably my first piece. If anyone was lucky they saw it for a split second. I made fun of Jack Big time. The judge even spit on him. Then, spit on him again. Jack didn't like that. Jack wanted the sentence reduced to all the money in the neighborhood.
Those days there was no Mr Helium, No Dr J, only Jack doing all the editing, managing
so Jack himself pulled my story, wrote all over the top of it
"Let me manage the Spoof's finances".
Good thing Jack Hired Dr J. As we all know Dr J brought some degree of sanity and caring there. The amount of raw talent here and even there still is staggering.
Too bad all of us can't get a job writing Fraiser shows or something.
I heard sometimes those successful shows have up to 15 writers
duking it out coming up with each episode.
Sorry, can't answer questions about produce or non-produce. Let's just say that I like produce. Without it we would not be alive. As you know I had no avatar for ages until you agreed to keep your Borg avatar if I came up with an avatar. Everyone made suggestions, even Mr Helium sent me a good one. I finally found the one that fit.
Last edited by produce, 10/31/2004, 3:59 pm
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10/31/2004, 3:52 pm
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Bob Deadwords
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
I thought I remembered your mentioning in the Spoof forum that you were in fact a produce manager, so I didn't think I was opening the unopenable....but I concede my memory sometimes is "creative".
Did you write satire before the Spoof, if not, what led you there? If so, tell us a little about your endeavors.
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10/31/2004, 5:14 pm
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produce
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
quote:
Bob Deadwords wrote:
I thought I remembered your mentioning in the Spoof forum that you were in fact a produce manager
Thinking about it I remember god saying he was god and Mr Manboobs saying he was Maude. I'm not being elusive but like your NPR mystique if I spill any beans, the produce mgr may not exist anymore.
(good PM photo you posted. Only not many real-life produce managers are so zany).
I never wrote Spoof type news stories before discovering the spoof. I've written comedy things all my life I guess. Mom says, doc slapped me in the delivery room I went
"Take my wife .. please"
seriously, I don't like writing 3rd person Spoof type news stories. I still have stories at the spoof under another alias. I haven't written any new ones in over a month. Thanks to the 3 of you folks out there that know that and haven't spilled the beans. Writing news articles is real work. My last words with Mr Helium were
"Drop the word count limit to maybe 290, maybe some of us will start typing again".
My best stories were from the old days when you didn't have to try to come up with 300 words then go
"Oh NO. I've nothing left to say. But, I can't submit unless I come up with 50 more".
The only place I write anything right now is here. Utterpants does look like a good place though. I kind of wish they'd hide the bawdier parts of it .. perhaps put up a
CLICK HERE IF 18 or OLDER
button
but at least they don't censor anything and,
it's really a fun place. Not as easy to navigate as the Spoof but ..
sorry .. got sidetracked. That happens Halloween nights sometimes.
Last edited by produce, 10/31/2004, 6:07 pm
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10/31/2004, 6:07 pm
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Bob Deadwords
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
That's funny, I've always thought of you as a stand up comic sort of guy,(hence the Sam Kinison photo). Your schtick has pretty much defined itself in your forum contributions over the years, (internet relative time). "Mom walked in on me"- "Texas is way of life and most people weigh enough to disprove that", etc.
You seem like someone who enjoys Halloween. What's your most memorable costume?
You mentioned comic writing - anything you'd like share? I could see your style lending itself to a series.
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10/31/2004, 7:35 pm
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produce
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
SAM KINISON! THanks for not making me Google that one up. Funny guy, sorry he's gone.
Didn't know he was a PM.
I like the ah la Natural costumes. True story. 1 hour ago I walked in, passed some couple walking by, guy had his daughter
STRAPPED
to his chest.
:
Kind of unusual. I asked the little girl,
maybe 8 months what she was. Pop says
"lady bug".
Take that political statement as you will.
But it was a home made lady bug costume.
Didn't even have the orange and black dots.
VOte Kerry.
or
BUsh.
whichever will enable American parents to afford to get their kids
REAL
ladybug
costumes.
My style is not a style. I hate like I said writing those news stories but it was fun for a while. Me and darvijen have a place where we "store" old stories. Between Me and my alias and my PM pending stories that I pulled I've over 500. Many of those were just blah.
It's a numbers game. Some folks like Chuck or MB or Mr Horn can hit homeruns right out of the bat. I played the numbers .. sometimes cranking out 5 stories a day. Hold on ..
I think there's another ladybug at my door.
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10/31/2004, 8:23 pm
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produce
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Re: Interview with Satirist/Grocer, Dr. Hiram T. Produce
Math. In the old days half a dozen or more ideas would pop into my head while asleep. I'd get up, type them into pending or (nah) wakeup next morning with all the ideas somewhere in the ether.
It's such a relief now not having to come up with anything. Everyone should try that at least once .. give it all up for even a week, experience the peace. And the free time.
I'm pretty good with computer gizmo's and software. That's how I was able to monitor the spoof (LEGALLY), try and catch the
one-star bandit. If you look at the overall ratings of Spoof stories now they're much higher .. meaning ..
I'd say there are an infinite number of questions that I haven't answered. I am an avid Quake3 player .. my alias there until recently .. the_produce_mgr.
Can't leave off the "the".
Last edited by produce, 11/1/2004, 6:43 am
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11/1/2004, 6:34 am
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