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produce
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Re: Helium unearthed
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
Since it appears that neither of you can count to three (and we expect that of President Bush), here is the post that he quoted:
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
Helium,
Since you are now forthcoming with some history and explanations, can you please explain some of your responses in the letter below?
I still wonder why I was not allowed onto the writers forum and was never given veteran writer status by you (when everyone else seemed to have it).
Your final paragraph, where you said that writers who made it to number one started making demands, really ticked me off. I was simply trying to get questions clarified and answered. Your response, and having no explanation as to why the stars and points were taken away, all caused me to basically quit writing and leave the site for almost a year.
You responded to me in late November of 2005, and I only posted four stories after that.
(Yes, Produce, my name and e-mail address are listed in the letter...and I still suspect you to be Marvin).
alanhatch@comcast.net wrote:
A couple of questions. I have asked one of these several times but have never gotten a response:
1. I have now posted almost 100 stories and articles on your site and am still not permitted to write in the discussion forum. Why not?
I am not at liberty to discuss this with you... to do so would make the site less secure.
2. I received a letter from you when I used a fully clothed picture of Paris Hilton from your picture archives. You stated that I needed to tone it down on the pictures and use more judgement. You then digitally changed the picture to show less flsh and curves. For over a week, there has been an article posted about Adam and Eve are Irish. Both folks are totally nude in this one. I feel that there is a double standard being used here.
I call each situation as I see it. I try to be fair, but obviously not everyone sees it that way.
3. Some time in September, I posted a story on how a new translation of the Dead Sea Scrolls refuted many of the claims of Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. That story is now gone. I never received any word on why it was deleted. This may have just been a glitch. I would like to re-enter and re-post the story. Any problems with that?
I deleted that by mistake... I move a lot of stories around----and the delete button is right next to the one I intended to hit. I did not notice who the author was and had no way of notifying anyone. I was kind of hoping someone would ask about it. Go ahead and re-enter it as a new story and I'll take a look again.
-----------------------------------
In general, whenever a writer finally makes it to the "#1 Writer position, he immediately starts making demands, threats, and whining about all sorts of things. I truly hope you're not going there!
Thanks,
Alan Hatch
"Jalapenoman"
(insert NEW President Bush avatar here)
(Mark or is it Paul finally killed the prez's history, stories, images off the SPOOF)
(coincidence? or is SOMEBODY visiting this site and getting po'd? Mark? Paul? JACKO?)
(all of prez's stories were there last week. Now no more. They killed the prez)
..
Mr Peno? You're joke'n right? About my ability to count to .. what number was that you wanted me to count to again?
Helium. Jman just had to actually cut and PASTE what we're talking about. You never seem to address questions and issues. You just divert them. Flash's issues were probably different from jd's issues which were different from Mz Bank's issues but ..
on THIS page .. Jman laid it all out. I wager this week's paycheck (the portion that extends after the dot) that you'll not offer Jman at least a comment about what he just posted. We understand the stress's and problems working under JACK'O at the Spoof but here you have it ..
on one screen. Jman posting an issue. Any response is better than no response. I respect in a way how you did indeed help writers grow up. Dr J as much as we loved him .. he let us get away with just plain murder bless his heart. EVERY THING we DID was ok. But at least we'd get an answer. On screen Jman kindly cut and pasted the whole ISSUE here.
Thank God for cut n paste. Bill Gates too for inventing cut n past. Vista too.
 out loud!
Last edited by produce, 2/3/2008, 11:20 am
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2/3/2008, 11:05 am
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Helium gas
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Re: Helium unearthed
#1 I do NOT wish to convey any information that would PRESENTLY make matters difficult for the Lowtons.
#2 Everyone is assuming that I had complete control over everything at the website. In reality I had control over a VERY few things. I will not discuss which things they were because of #1. I used those very few things to maintain the security of the site. It was largely hit or miss and try this and then that.
None of it could possibly have made any sense to the writers--some were supportive; some were trying to launch torpedoes.
You may continue to feel like you were wronged and (with enough prodding) will receive an apology. That's not likely.
If anyone should be sorry, it would be the Lowtons: for selling a good website to a complete schmuck.
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2/3/2008, 11:42 am
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produce
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Re: Helium unearthed
quote:
Helium gas wrote:
#1 I do NOT wish to convey any information that would PRESENTLY make matters difficult for the Lowtons.
#2 Everyone is assuming that I had complete control over everything at the website. In reality I had control over a VERY few things. I will not discuss which things they were because of #1. I used those very few things to maintain the security of the site. It was largely hit or miss and try this and then that.
None of it could possibly have made any sense to the writers--some were supportive; some were trying to launch torpedoes.
You may continue to feel like you were wronged and (with enough prodding) will receive an apology. That's not likely.
If anyone should be sorry, it would be the Lowtons: for selling a good website to a complete schmuck.
We (or at least I) understand and respect you for what you just said.
The point was, for, since it seemed so important to Jman, for you to at least comment what he wrote on this page.
Once again you did not.
I'm at least on your side about matters that you mentioned. I have no idea how the Lowtons pull it off, managing a room full of a thousand 1'st graders. That's what the Spoof is dealing with letting ANYONE who thinks can write, write.
No wonder Simon on American Idol is so bent out of shape. He has to LISTEN to thousands of idiots who THINK they can sing.
One final time. Can you at least address what Jman wrote on THIS page?
If not I'm going to be completely amazed AND befuddled. There ARE no wrong answers and Jman? You weren't banned. You didn't lose all your stories but even I see, this issue is important to you otherwise you'd not keep bringing it up.
Imagine having a problem at work, taking it to your and the boss (seeing you coming) puts up the "out to lunch" sign.
We worked for the Spoof. We didn't get paid but we worked for the Spoof. I know they're busy whoEVER the editor is there but anytime I emailed Mark (or is it ..) ..
sooner or later I got at least an answer. Jman's not asking you to explain all those years. I'm with you on that stint. Your honesty and integrity show by not saying anything bad or confidential about the Spoof.
The question HERE is .. can you respond to what Jman posted on THIS page .. to me it seems not. Any response is a great response.
Image where corporate America would be with some WINDOWS 95 programmer walking into Bill Gate's office with an issue and Bill going
"Uh .. I gotta run. How's win 95 coming along? bye".
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2/3/2008, 2:07 pm
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produce
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Re: Helium unearthed
quote:
Helium gas wrote:
#1 I do NOT wish to convey any information that would PRESENTLY make matters difficult for the Lowtons.
#2 Everyone is assuming that I had complete control over everything at the website. In reality I had control over a VERY few things. I will not discuss which things they were because of #1. I used those very few things to maintain the security of the site. It was largely hit or miss and try this and then that.
None of it could possibly have made any sense to the writers--some were supportive; some were trying to launch torpedoes.
You may continue to feel like you were wronged and (with enough prodding) will receive an apology. That's not likely.
If anyone should be sorry, it would be the Lowtons: for selling a good website to a complete schmuck.
We (or at least I) understand and respect you for what you just said.
The point was, for, since it seemed so important to Jman, for you to at least comment on what he pasted on this page.
Once again you did not.
I'm at least on your side about matters that you mentioned. I have no idea how the Lowtons pull it off, managing a room full of a thousand 1'st graders. That's what the Spoof is dealing with letting ANYONE who thinks they can write, write.
No wonder Simon on American Idol is so bent out of shape. He has to LISTEN to thousands of idiots who THINK they can sing.
One final time. Can you at least address what Jman wrote on THIS page?
If not I'm going to be completely amazed AND befuddled. There ARE no wrong answers and Jman? You weren't banned. You didn't lose all your stories but even I see, this issue is important to you otherwise you'd not keep bringing it up.
Imagine having a problem at work, taking it to your and the boss (seeing you coming) puts up the "out to lunch" sign.
We worked for the Spoof. We didn't get paid but we worked for the Spoof. I know they're busy whoEVER the editor is there but anytime I emailed Mark (or is it ..) ..
sooner or later I got at least an answer. Jman's not asking you to explain all those years. I'm with you on that stint. Your honesty and integrity show by not saying anything bad or confidential about the Spoof.
Since you revealed parts of our what I thought were private emails I'll reveal this .. one time you wrote me and it even almost made me cry about how difficult it is to deal with all the wanna-be writers submitting stuff day in day out day in day out submitting pure CRAP day in day out day in day out .. The Lowtons really must have somebody hired to deal with that. I couldn't. So the past slate is blank. For me at least. God only knows HOW many juvenile emails you as editor were getting every single day.
The question here NOW though is .. can you respond to what Jman posted on THIS page .. to us it seems not. Jman's one of their top writers and right now, today you have the opportunity to respond. Any response is a great response even if the response is
"I choose not to respond to that question".
Imagine where corporate America would be with some WINDOWS 95 programmer walking into Bill Gate's office with an issue and Bill going
"Uh .. I gotta run. How's win 95 coming along? bye".
I unlike many kind of think I know what you went through (the WACKO JACKO part's new to me though) so I kind of understand.
Last edited by produce, 2/3/2008, 2:24 pm
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Helium gas
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Re: Helium unearthed
Going around in circles. But here it is again:
(1) Whether or not a writer was "admitted" to the forums and whether or not he had "veteran status" had absolutely NOTHING to do with quality or longevity of any particular writer. For you to CONTINUE feeling slighted for not being included, only tells me that you do not understand what I just said.
(2) Stars and points were taken away because many writers were acting like they were back in the first grade and were being given stars for good penmanship, attendance, posture and God knows what else. I got REAL tired of supposedly grown people doing all sorts of CRAZY things in order to get more points. One nitwit actually drove around to several public libraries in order to give his stories extra points!
(3) Are you actually telling me that you're still upset about not being able to see more of Paris Hilton's cleavage in your Spoof story? If that's what's still bothering you, let me know and I'll send you a link to a special secret video that shows Paris doing some really naughty things. But before I do that, I will need a signed note from your mother.
(4) I deleted a story by mistake. Since I didn't even know who the author was, there was no way I could have written him and apologized. When you got around to writing me and telling me it was yours, I asked you to just re-submit it and I'd make it live. What could you possibly not understand about that?
Maybe I was completely wrong in assuming that most Spoof writers were grown adults. Now I'm having second thoughts. It's too late for me to do anything about the stars you missed getting, but here I'll make it up to you:
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2/3/2008, 4:40 pm
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Jalapenoman
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Re: Helium unearthed
Helium,
The letter that I posted here was one I sent to you 2+ years ago. The only one of those topics that still concerned me was why I was never allowed into the forums. As you still have not answered that, I do not expect an answer.
As it involved the "security" of the site, I suppose that my nearness to the Kray super computers at White Sands Missile Range, the nearness of the F-15 fighters and Stealth bombers at Holloman Air Force Base, the next door status of the Third Armored Cavalry at Fort Bliss, and proximity to the radiation from the first atomic bomb explosion at Trinity Site put me in the perfect position to use the Forums to begin world conquest and domination (and post naked pictures).
The other issues were resolved. I just posted that letter in it's full, un-edited, original form, with your full, un-edited, original responses.
Your responses this time have, once again, proved Produce's assertations and made his point for him.
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2/3/2008, 6:29 pm
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Helium gas
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Re: Helium unearthed
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
The only one of those topics that still concerned me was why I was never allowed into the forums. As you still have not answered that...
WTF is wrong with you? I just answered you plain and simple. Some people were invited into a forum; others were not. It had NOTHING to do with the quality of their writing or how long they had been there.
Are you invited to every party held in your county? Do you make such a fuss whenever you aren't? Why in the world do you think I OWE you an explanation?
I see that in the present Spoof forum, one of your messages is classified as a "sticky." Do you think every other writer is crying themselves to sleep every night wondering, "Why isn't my message a sticky?"
Get a life.
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2/3/2008, 7:32 pm
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produce
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Re: Helium unearthed
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
Helium,
The only one of those topics that still concerned me was why I was never allowed into the forums.
Jman, I thought everybody was allowed in the forums .. well .. for a while at least. If memory serves me though, at some point not everybody was immediately allowed into the forums. I forgot the logic defining how to get in. What you describe rings a bell. Who knows, maybe I (whoever "I" was) wasn't allowed in there even.(At that moment in time).
Before the Spoof imploded though I know we were all there IN the forum. Candy hearts flying everywhere even Rich Lather making them. We were ALL in the forum. That's how Mz Jenna found us and invited us to this place after the Spoof forum cratered. My theory is, that day Jack pulled the plug. On the Spoof writer's forum. Isolating us all with no means to communicate. Except via invitation here.
You (like now) were making the Spoof money with your stories so it must have been a glitch, you not being allowed into the forum. Or just the rules of the Spoof's software logic.
I don't know. I wasn't there. And with JACKO behind the controls, I can't say that I'd have wanted to BE there.
"Editor Produce"
Has a nice ring to it.
If I'm working for Mark (or is it ..)
Certainly not WACKO Jacko. I think your case could have been just an oversight Jman. It's been so long though that I doubt if Helium can remember what happened. It's sad that you disappeared for a year. Your stories in fact way back were one reason I kept going back there .. to read. The Spoof lost a lot of loose CHANGE I'd imagine with you bailing. Logic dictates to me that if somebody's making ME money, I don't tick em off so ..
darijen? Too bad you're gone. I don't even know what I'm talking about but I DO remember an invitation only something about something SOMEwhere in a galaxy long long ago, far far away.
____________________
Remember, the Onion doesn't HAVE this problem at all. They simply don't let ANYBODY but the 6 of them write. That settles that.
Last edited by produce, 2/4/2008, 6:38 pm
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2/4/2008, 6:11 pm
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Jalapenoman
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Re: Helium unearthed
Produce,
The whole thing really doesn't matter anymore. It was either some unnamed form of security or it was total randomness...whatever.
As far as the answer went, did you really expect anything more from Helium?
By the way, if I had to pick a current writer whose sweet and kind disposition matched that of Helium, I'd opt for Gnarly Eric.
I am about to go out of town on business for the next ten days, so don't expect to see me until the middle of next week.
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2/5/2008, 6:05 am
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produce
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Re: Helium unearthed
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
Produce,
The whole thing really doesn't matter anymore. It was either some unnamed form of security or it was total randomness...whatever.
As far as the answer went, did you really expect anything more from Helium?
Well, looks like THIS battle-royal's over. I think Helium's gone Jman .. probably won't be back til either Hillary or Barack or Mr M gets sworn in maybe not even then. Is it just me or does Helium sound perturbed.
Last edited by produce, 2/6/2008, 1:46 pm
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2/6/2008, 1:41 pm
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