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Jalapenoman
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You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
So, are you still out there, and sneaking back into The Spoof?
Some suspect that you may be Jenny Bigtits, a new writer that is giving people hell.
In one of the forum posts, I just added the following:
For those of you who are newer to the site, we used to have a writer on here named Produce. He was kicked off and came back as a couple of different incarnations. They were kicked off and he came back as J.D. Balderdash. He was kicked off and came back as President Bush.
Now, following the logic of Nick:
J. D. Balderdash
Jorge Bush (he's from Texas, and most George's down there are really Jorges.)
Jesus Buddha
Jenny Bigtits
Remembering that he started out as Produce, and still uses that name on the Internet Satire Writer's Guild website, is his next one going to be (if he sticks with his produce theme):
Juicy Berries
Just Bananas?
Junky Beets?
Jackass Broccoli?
Jubilee Brusselsprouts?
Joyous Beans?
What is the truth here?
How about it, Mr. Produce man? Do you have a massive rack of manboobs?
As far as the Jenny thing also goes, her initial posting on here resembled one of those Spam e-mails we have probably all gotten in the past ("Hi, I am a lonely woman with huge breasts and an under-used vagina who wants you to pay huge sums of money to look at my naked pictures). This has, somehow, rubbed Carina the wrong way (she must be trying to steal Shaun or take some of the action from Cal's sister).
Anyway, I've droned on long enough.
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10/27/2007, 3:51 pm
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produce
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
Mr Peno even I don't come to this site often as you see. It's like as prez would say
"One of them old SIMPSON's Halloween specials gone awry."
And as that presidential candidate long ago said ..
"read my lips".
WHEN/if I ever return to the Spoof .. you Mr Peno (sorry, slipping back into GW again) ..
IF I ever return, YOU Jman will know it (sadly that "being Bush" thing kinda never really leaves ya if you've ever tried it)
Not that I have anything against the Spoof. I check it out every day. Amazing how, maybe my imagination the new writers are pretty darned good. All I can do is browse. Your stuff as always is stellar .. come back here and tell us when you hit 500. I'll personally track down darvijen and have her ebake you an ecake for that accomplishment.
And .. please stop thinking I'm one of those CRAZY writers who pops up every now and then posting .. quite strange stuff like that last one you thought I was. Mark (or is it Paul, the software guy) mistakenly thought I could peer into your pending boxes. I accidentally discovered that ability long ago when Helium was in charge and
EWWWW .. it was like seeing your sister naked (unless perhaps your sister is Beyonce or Lindsay or somebody) but that was the only incident. The queen asked me to reproduce and explain that feat and .. yep .. that day I tried it only when Mark and Paul resumed charge of the Spoof .. they'd tightened up and locked down so many loopholes and problems it's like the fort (knox) now I guess. So I wasn't unjustly booted but wisely booted because Mark (or is it Paul) hadn't the foggiest notion what was going on. So when you see a crazy writer there, it's not me.
MR PENO -> Crazy? The Prez? 2+2? Am I missing something here?
ok you got me there. Bush may be crazy but he's not insane and it was fun pretending to be him. But Bush does believe in God at least that's more than I can say for Hillary's husband. His inn-tern too.
Trust me Mr Peno. I don't write anymore. Just now. Trust me not as prez (lord) but as balderdash or somebody .. the minute I show up at the spoof.com .. you before Mark or Paul even will know .. you will know I'm back. Simply because I told ya.
.
oops there I go again.
"How'd I do Laura?"
"Laura? Barney? SOMEbody? Donald Colin Tommy?"
pm
Last edited by produce, 10/29/2007, 9:15 pm
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10/29/2007, 7:46 pm
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Jalapenoman
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
With work, I have not been able to do much writing myself. I think that I posted a grand total of seven stories in October, which was down from the 13 I was able to post in September. It is going to take me a while at my current rate to get to 500 (I actually need to start planning on that one).
Every time someone on the Forums starts complaining, the Queen instantly informs everyone that she thinks it is you. Nickfun/Asia Babe assumes the same thing and they both start making waves. I actually thought that it was possible with the whole same initials thing.
I also note that these posts are the first on this forum since June!
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10/31/2007, 5:33 pm
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produce
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
It is going to take me a while at my current rate to get to 500 (I actually need to start planning on that one).
We went ahead and did it anyway Jman .. baked you (if we can get Guinness to confirm it) the world's largest non-birthday cake.
Measuring 1.2 cubic MILES in diameter it now contains 488 one story candles, each candle
representing one of YOUR stories.
Check back daily to see how the candle count
changes as you add yet another story on your quest towards that magic number .. 500.
Jman's cake as shot from Space Shuttle Discovery 217.4
nautical miles above somewhere in Texas.
Last edited by produce, 11/2/2007, 3:57 pm
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11/2/2007, 7:50 am
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Jalapenoman
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
Marvin, Marvin, Marvin.
You had everyone going.
The picture finally gave it away.
What riot are you trying to incite?
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12/5/2007, 12:05 pm
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produce
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
Marvin, Marvin, Marvin.
You had everyone going.
The picture finally gave it away.
What riot are you trying to incite?
???
I'm trying my best to figure out which song those lyrics belong to ..
"Marvin Marvin Marvin"
no, it wasn't Electrical Storm by U2 because Bono never (audibly) mentioned the word "Marvin". Couldn't have been American Idol winner Jordan Sparks either in her hit single
"TATOO" because .. again .. Jordan never speaks of Marvin more than once in her 3 minutes 12 seconds of fame so you've got us all baffled Jman. More baffled than your prez at a Scrabble convention. Your lyrics are on the tip of my tongue though especially the
"you had everyone going" part.
Listen to Timberlake's latest backwards at 32 rpm and it'll freak you.
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12/21/2007, 5:11 pm
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produce
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I FOUND the SPoof Marvin thread J MAN!!!
As a former dead prez/actor once said ..
"Read my lips. If I ever return to the Spoof I will TELL you first".
Lol. That Marvin .. his treatise .. I never even made it to the end of it. As Simon almost once said,
"That's what you get allowing just ANYbody to audition for American Idol."
So that's what you meant by Marvin Jman but again,
"Read my lips .. All I've seen since prez got booted is what any non-writer can see in the public forum".
Either that's true or it's not.
No in-between nebulous nether world like our prez dwells in ..
GW -> Mr Peno? How many pushups were you assigned? How many ups actually pushed? I know it's work HARD work but we're at war here war'n against terror so please finish the ups Mr Peno if not for me then Barney and .. of course America.
Because you imply that Marvin has inside knowledge of Spoof stuff I'll reread Marvin's treatise (some of it). And that photo avatar of his .. rings a bell. Don't get me and darvijen started. If we unmasked Helium's real identity we can unmask anybody. Be careful what you post on the web/usnet/etc folks. You're only laying breadcrumbs. Helium found that faq out the hard way.
Because I know most of the old time writer's styles .. maybe I can identify Marvin. Right off the bat I'd say it's NOT Helium. Or anybody I know in this dimension. Nobody I know would take the time to lay down so many WORDS. Words that kind of don't even make much sense (unless we're talking Rich Lather)
(rimShot.wav)
sorry Rich if you're lurking we love ya. Just trying to bring somebody out of the woodwork. Anybody. Even the real god's gone and remember you'll receive a written confirmation (if anybody besides GOD can figure out how to contact you) you'll get an email going
"Nitrate's back"
or
"GW's back"
or
"produce is back"
or
"jd's back"
or
take a vacation from spoofing Jman. You can't fathom the peace and tranquility of not having to come up with nuthin.
Last edited by produce, 12/28/2007, 9:04 am
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12/27/2007, 3:20 pm
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MorganTruce
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
.
Hint: Marvin and Professor Nouveau are disciples of the Spoof Swami. The three of them wait anxiously each evening while Maria Simpson, Maria Sharapova, and I finish our bubble bath...
...for the inevitable party that lasts until daybreak. The six of us have toyed with the idea of inviting other Spoof personalities to our little orgies, but that would destroy our present intimacy.
Although Marvin may seem inept as a writer and critic, he is wonderful in bed.
Last edited by MorganTruce, 12/30/2007, 8:28 am
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12/30/2007, 7:19 am
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produce
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
quote:
MorganTruce wrote:
Hint: Marvin and Professor Nouveau are disciples of the Spoof Swami.
Amazing Mz Morgan, that Spoof Swami still holding at 2.5 stars after 156 Spoof ratings ..
EDITOR'S NOTE : This bawdy pic you posted would have not only gotten you banned from the Spoof back in the day but Helimu-nized as well (not a good thing)
Thank the Swami that Mark and Paul will let anything through these days, even full frontal polar bear nudity.
Reader Discretion Advised
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12/31/2007, 12:52 pm
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MorganTruce
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Re: You still out there, Mr. Produce man?
I haven't written (er, typed) anything for TheSpoof in a long time... at least not as Morgan Truce. I have so many stories on there that still get good numbers of hits that I am just below the radar of the Top 20 list. The last time I wrote even one (mediocre) story, I got pushed up into that list. There are a very limited number of certain kinds of stories that become "entrenched" in the web---and do not rely on rather short news cycles.
It's hard to figure just what the Lowton's allow in terms of photography since they do not permit writers to submit their own photos. The photos that Spoof does allow you to choose from are lame, boring (fill in your own description). I understand that the libel and copyright laws in the UK are quite different than here in the colonies, but surely the Lowtons could have come up with a better solution than what they offer now. They seem really freaked about getting sued--but that is easy for me to say since I am in little danger of hearing from any hotshot attorney.
It is unfortunate that the Spoof Swami wrote only one article; we could have learned much from his infinite wisdom and bliss.
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12/31/2007, 2:34 pm
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