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Jalapenoman
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
Sorry, but no word from Paul at the site for a long time.
When Mark got married and went on his honeymoon for three weeks, Paul did not come in and take over. No new stories (or spippets, articles, or jokes) got submitted or approved (Mark removed Veteran writer status from everyone back in August and has to approve every story before it really goes live).
THe search does not always work. I had to go back into my history to find the story.
By the way, Mr. Bush, go back into my stories and find the "Hillary Clinton Quantifies Temperature Measurement" (or something like that). You may enjoy that one, being the staunch Republican gentleman that you are.
Yes, Diane D. would be worse than Bill W. Before she ever ran for Lieutenant Governor, I actually voted whole heartedly for a complete Republican slimeball to keep her out of the U.S. Congress.
Bill has been a terrible Governor (and I actually voted for him in his first election). We used to have a state surplus. He spent it his first year and put the state into debt. We used to have a balanced budget. Not anymore! He decided that he had to be the only Governor in the country with an official Governor's office in Washington, D.C. (most just have a staffer in the office of one of their state's senators). He has a full office and full staff. He also had to buy a new jet (we're not talking a small Leer jet here) for the state to be official transportation for the Governor.
I wonder how much of my tax money ended up indirectly supporting his campaign?
I think he's trying to be the most famous state Governor since Lew Wallace (who was a Civil War general, the author of Ben Hur, and the man who was Territorial Governor during the days of Billy the Kid and the Lincoln County War).
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1/19/2008, 5:58 pm
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produce
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
By the way, Mr. Bush, go back into my stories and find the "Hillary Clinton Quantifies Temperature Measurement" (or something like that). You may enjoy that one, being the staunch Republican gentleman that you are.
Mr Peno HOW (since Mark's search doesn't apparently work) can we find that Hillary story of yours? Is it like kinda look'n for
a wmd or somethin? Find'n your story? It's all work, HARD work.
How about instead find'n one of MY stories over on CNN.com 'bout that surge we're surge'n over in Iraq. That surge is workin right Barney? .. Barney? DagGUMMIT Barney I TOLD you to stop play'n around with Saddam's headless corpse before dinner time now you've gone and ruined Laura's chick pea salad!
BARNEY -> 
Last edited by produce, 1/19/2008, 8:17 pm
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1/19/2008, 8:08 pm
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Jalapenoman
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
I searched the name Hillary and it was about eight stories down. Here it is, however, sans picture and headline:
For many years, the expression "colder than a witch's tit" has been an undefined term describing freezing conditions. A Gynecologist, Doctor Phil Puxley of Washington, D.C., has finally quantified that measurement. Said the doctor, "we believe this temperature to be somewhere about 33 degrees."
When asked how he had reached to conclusion, he answered that "we had Hillary Clinton in the office today for her annual pap smear and mammogram. Her body temperature, while having her breasts checked for tumors, topped out at a very cold 33 degrees. She really does have ice water running through her veins."
When advised of this new development, former President Bill Clinton was not surprised. "I always had blue ball around her, but I didn't know it was for that reason. No wonder I had to use women like Monica to warm myself up!"
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1/19/2008, 9:06 pm
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produce
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
.
Last edited by produce, 1/19/2008, 10:02 pm
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1/19/2008, 9:47 pm
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produce
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
quote:
Jalapenoman wrote:
"colder than a witch's tit" has been an undefined term describing freezing conditions. A Gynecologist, Doctor Phil Puxley of Washington, D.C., has finally quantified that measurement. Said the doctor, "we believe this temperature to be somewhere about 33 degrees."
WHAT the .. now folks have gone and quantified the farenheit temp of a witche's tit?
:O
(I'd always thought it to be 41 degrees but since you've inside info .. (sorry Mz Milano but YOUR tit is (according to Jman) . . 33 degrees FAR? or CELS? Either way we love you Alyssao (sp).
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1/19/2008, 10:01 pm
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MorganTruce
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
Boys, boys! It's not the temperature of our breasts that matters, it's how we use 'em that gets you guys all aroused.
Now, my own tatas tend to hover right around the temperature of Professor Nouveau's phallus--especially when they're wrapped tightly around it and he's all excited. He can barely last 45 minutes that way.
I would tell you all about how I use shaved ice to make him explode all over me, but then you'd both be pestering your wives to try "something new" on you. I get a into a lot of trouble with wives getting pissed at me for suggesting my special little tricks to their husbands.
The Professor was thoughtful enough to replace the ice cube maker on the refrigerator in the kitchen. My new refrigerator churns out pail-fulls of shaved ice. It works so well, we've taken to do most of our love making right there on the big butcher block nearby.
With several buckets of shaved ice and a large bottle of extra virgin olive oil, we usually manage to keep things going pretty wild until it's time for breakfast. Our favorite thing for breakfast is bing cherries bananas and cream, but I'll let you boys imagine how we serve that up.
Well I guess I'd better get another bubble bath before I head out the door and walk down to the Moxie factory. It's going to be difficult sitting on that hard chair there all day typing; I think I'll just bring along my little special feather pillow.
Last edited by MorganTruce, 1/20/2008, 6:39 am
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1/20/2008, 4:20 am
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produce
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
quote:
MorganTruce wrote:
My new refrigerator churns out pail-fulls of shaved ice. It works so well, we've taken to do most of our love making right there on the big butcher block nearby.
Welcome back Mz Truce. How does this scrumtious WHATEVER IT IS
relate to what Jman was talking about, about the Spoof being a .. oh .. ok, now I see. Keep the jpeg's coming Mz Truce. Check out BIZ mart too .. get yourself a new typewriter. Word on the street is they've got models that didn't even exist in the year 1912. Check your Sunday paper Mz Morgan. You'll find a BIZ mart section with typewriter's galore. NEXT lesson we'll cover WORD processors :O
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1/20/2008, 6:58 pm
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Jalapenoman
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
Hmmmm...we notice where Produce has his mind and thoughts....two rounded containers containing a cold, creamy milk based substance with bright red cherries on top....whipped cream is involved...yep, we know what Produce is thinking about!
Remembering, however, that Helium and Morgan are supposed to be the same person....you're getting all hot and bothered over frosty tits on a guy! (We did establish that Helium was male, correct?)
Note: This is the part where you start acting tough and then go vomit because you grossed yourself out.
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1/20/2008, 8:35 pm
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MorganTruce
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
In Professor Nouveau's "Advanced Kitchen Gadgets" class was a student named George Blickensderfer. For his thesis, Blickensderfer submitted plans for some kind of automated device for recording recipes. The Professor was very impressed with the new gadget and invited Blickensderfer over to his garage where the two of them actually built one of the devices over a weekend. I brought my camera over and snapped a picture of the new gadget:
As you can see for yourself, it looked very much like a regular typewriter. Well, it did look a little like the typewriters we use down at Moxie, but this one had a strange looking rubber cord coming out of the back of it. Now get this: when Blickensderfer attached that cord to something called a receptacle (which was on the wall) the gadget started making a loud whirring noise! Blickensderfer and the Professor became very excited and the two of them danced around in a circle.
At the time, I had been perfecting my special recipe for "Cherries, Bananas, and Cream" and thought I would try using the new gadget to type up a recipe on an index card. I sat down and started typing and soon noticed that I barely had to touch the keys to make the thing work! But then, as I got to the end of the first line and hit the return bar, I got a tremendous jolt of that "electricity" which knocked me right off my chair.
That was it for me; Blickensderfer went on to develop the contraption as the World's First Electric Typewriter, but I never would have anything to do with that gadget again: much too dangerous! That's why I've stuck with my trusty old Remington #7 all these years.
Last edited by MorganTruce, 1/20/2008, 9:53 pm
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1/20/2008, 9:13 pm
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Helium gas
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Re: Jman's doing CHALLENGER jokes again
quote:
MorganTruce wrote:
Now, my own tatas tend to hover right around the temperature of Professor Nouveau's phallus--especially when they're wrapped tightly around it and he's all excited.
You're just trying to make me jealous. You should come over to my place sometime and I'll show you what a real man can do. Then you'll forget all about that puny gadget guy.
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1/21/2008, 3:28 pm
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