produce
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Can we get sued?
Any thoughts on getting sued?
I never really wrote stories that could affect a major corporation's profit
margin but consider the following possible
story written in a serious tone then perhaps seriously respond.
If you like Coke (the drinking kind)
perhaps you'd best not read beyond
THIS
point
.
Coca Cola Formula Revealed
Coca Cola was invented in 1886 by Dr. John Stith Pemberton.
It's formula today is so top secret that only 2 executives know it's ingredients.
The untold story is as follows ..
Luke Pemberton had a brother John who was dead set on perfecting his new beverage
made of kola leaf extract.. John would mix different amounts of kola leaf extract,
pour it into a cup, taste, adjust.
One day Luke, his brother spotted a huge black roach in the kitchen.
Naturally he stomped it with his boot.
Using a cup he then (yuck) scraped up the mess, ran to the toilet and
flushed the roach down.
Unbeknownst to him, however, there was still
ROACH SPLAT
left in the cup .. quite a bit of black, gooey
ROACH SPLAT.
He set the cup on the table, planning to throw it away later. A customer came into their soda shop,
he went to wait on him.
Needless to say, brother John, still experimenting with his amazing new kola formula went into
the back room, poured a mixture of kola formula into one cup,
took a swig, went 'naaa',
poured a different mixture into another cup, took a swig,
went 'naaaa'.
Just as his brother Luke walked back
into the room John poured still a different mixture into the roach splat cup, took a
swig and went,
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!"
Brother Luke went "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!".
John downed the whole cup and went
"I think we've found it brother!"
Long story short, Brother Luke told John what he'd just drank. John,
after turning a certain shade of purple fell over backwards in his chair,
banged his head on a spiggot and died.
Luke Pemberton later realized what he had .. the ultimate beverage.
He would offer samples to customers
when they came into his soda shop.
Everyone simply LOVED it.
Eventually Luke Pemberton located several Atlanta investors who helped
establish the now multi billion dollar corporation, Coca Cola. To this day none of the descendants of
Luke Pemberton ever taste the stuff.
Or the 2 Coca Cola executives who know
the true secret incredient in Coke.
Supply is cheap, free in fact. Simply breed a roomfull of house roaches,
preferably the huge black yucky kind, wait until they get big and ripe then
take them to the SPLAT machine where the SPLAT machine SPLATS out the
black gooey in-erds into a vat where it's
combined with sugar, water, kola extract, then bottled.
The secret ingredient in Coca Cola?
Roach Splat .. yuck.
---------------------
Now every spoof story has a "we're just spoofing" disclaimer at the end of the
story but I've never really seen a story attack a major corporation like that,
create such an unappealing, negative image of a product that's making them billions.
That story, spoof as it may be seems to be an extreme form of negative advertising.
Even though a reader knows it's
farce .. he's still been hit with a
powerful negative advertisement with
vivid negative imagary about Coke. The next time, in fact, he opens a bottle,
he will go ahead and drink it but somewhere in the back of
his mind there's this vision .. of .. yuck. The next time
YOU, in fact take a swig of Coke .. think about it. 
(I warned ya not to read)
Advertising's a powerful tool. They use all kinds of subliminal and liminal images and words on us all the time to affect our perceptions of reality.
So, do you think a multi-billion dollar corporation like Coca Cola after
finding out about the spoof story, after noticing sales slightly down might go
COKE EXEC -----> Who wrote that roach story?
COKE FLUNKY -> Somebody named The Produce Mgr in Texas sir.
COKE EXEC -----> Get legal on the phone. Now!
Last edited by produce, 9/13/2004, 11:32 am
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9/13/2004, 11:07 am
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russus
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Re: Can we get sued?
I wouldn't worry
too much. The way it's written makes
it fairly clear it's a spoof.
Your formatting moved me
in a
way
no one else has.
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9/13/2004, 1:58 pm
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produce
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Re: Can we get sued?
For some reason my text doesn't
wrap when
I type it. Meaning I have to go back later
and
manually split the lines. Makes you sound like
William Shatner when
you
talk.
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9/13/2004, 5:59 pm
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darvijen
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Re: Can we get sued?
I've been almost sued dozens of times, I think. Probably more times than I even know.
Of course all my problems were local.
As far as being sued by big biz, I dunno nothing about all that.
Your story was good, tho, like always Manny.
---
Sometimes I wake up horny. Other times I just let him sleep.
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9/13/2004, 7:48 pm
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produce
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Re: Can we get sued?
darvijen, Russus?
Coke's already cc'ing me with legal
stuff I've not time to click open.
Since everyone's so all fired sure there's
"no prob"
can I refer all Coca Cola legal calls to
the agency of darvijen, darvijen, russus
and .. darvijen?
Those coke folks are more serious than Mr
Helium even.
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9/13/2004, 8:45 pm
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russus
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Re: Can we get sued?
Confused.
If they're cc'ing you who are they really writing too.
Pedantic f*ck, yes I know.
Where did you post the article. I can't believe they would see it so quick.
Unless you forwarded that email where Bill Gates gives you $100 dollars. Then all corporate american has the right to read your mails.
Hey I don't make the rules.
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9/14/2004, 1:14 pm
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Andy Lam
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Re: Can we get sued?
On this topic - what do people think of this one - kind of long, I know, but what can you do?
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i6613
AL
---
With runs in my board . . . I am ANDY LAM!
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9/16/2004, 10:26 am
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russus
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Re: Can we get sued?
Andy,
On that story, again, no chance of getting sued.
Regards content, yes it is quite long. Also it reads like a narrative rather than a news article. That is, events are slowly revealed over the course of the story that would not normally happen in a true news story.
Another thing, you have Ralph Nader make an appearance, which is good and if made the central theme of the story would make it more topical. Eg, "Nader calls for ban on Chicken Selects" or "Nader Election Promise: Chicken Selects Will Go"
And related, if you ask yourself, what is the most significant fact/event in the story, I'd say it was that someone was killed while eating / whatever Chicken Selects. This is not refelcted in your headline.
Ie "Chicken Selects Linked to Workplace Violence" does not carry the gravity of the situation.
"Chicken Selects Claim Another Life" or something around that. Or "Police Probe Chicken Selects Link In Office Decapitation"
I have to add the caveat that I have only a vague idea what chicken selects are, have no idea if they are tasty, and have not seen any related advertising.
Good story, and always take what I say with a pinch of salt.
Russus
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9/24/2004, 1:50 am
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