Uniform Stealing Broads :: Art Gallery :: "sleep away camp " by prototype001 ~ Runboard

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"sleep away camp " by prototype001

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esercito sconfitto
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"sleep away camp " by prototype001

to be continued...

10/14/2009, 3:54 am

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prototype001
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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

Wow, thanks esercito sconfitto, this is great, i'm really looking forward to the next piece, thanks again emoticon

10/14/2009, 4:07 pm

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esercito sconfitto
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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

Hi prototype001, you are welcome. I have some problems with the drawing of the second half of your short story, and some changes are absolutely needed, therefore may ask you to write a new adapted version of the same story? ( posting it here , don't delete previous version at "excerpt island"). I already modified some minor features ( I transformed these soldiers near the tent in "sentries").

1)Rachel and Holly must reverse their duties: for a simple VISUAL effect, blonde rachel can't assault these blonde recruits, better if is Holly the rogue who attacks the main group of the recruits near the tent... she is black haired, meanwhile rachel can go in the command tent ( rachel and the officer are anyway different even if both blondes)

2) numbers... I would like to draw more recruits in the final assault, knocked out by holly , at least ten... but this doesn't mean erase four and write ten; if holly must face ten enemies she cannot use the lasso, she can knock them with a vicious hand to hand fight...

3) gas canisters...too many gas canisters... it's more simple if holly a) knocks out these recruits b) she uses THEIR OWN gas masks, each recruit has a gas mask ( intoday's russian army) filling them with chloroform stolen from a medical bag there in the tent

4) the whole goal... in this adapted sub story, better if rachel and holly are two "western alliance's SPIES pretending to be rogues...rachel must steal a secret plan from the former evil empire army 's command tent.

anyway, could you allow me to introduce these changes? I really hope you can post here an edited version

Last edited by esercito sconfitto, 10/15/2009, 3:54 am

10/14/2009, 8:32 pm

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prototype001
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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

Hi esercito sconfitto.

i have no problem with you changing the story, that's fine by me emoticon

and i'd be happy to write up an edited edition of the story for you. emoticon

10/14/2009, 9:53 pm

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esercito sconfitto
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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

to be continued

10/15/2009, 2:42 pm

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prototype001
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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

Hi again esercito sconfitto. Would you prefer it if i put the edited version of the story here on this page or should i put it on the excerpt story page???

10/15/2009, 8:57 pm

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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

Hi prototype I believe it's better to post here a "different version " of the basic story at "excerpt island".

P.S. details!I would like to read details

P.P.S. holy's attack in the tent area should be a massive catfight against unarmed girls. Maybe a pair of soldier girls in the tent could be already half naked ( they were sleeping when surprised by holly)

P.P.P.S.there is no way, holly and rachel are professional spies...generally speaking I like a gipsy girl character , stealing or mugging for her pleasure, but this time it's different, these two MUST have a secret mission

Last edited by esercito sconfitto, 10/16/2009, 3:51 am

10/16/2009, 3:48 am

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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

to be continued ...

10/16/2009, 2:10 pm

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esercito sconfitto
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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

hi prototype001... I have some problems with the final attack in the tent area...may I chance a little your combat plan?I'm waiting for your answer emoticon

( holly needs a gas or chloro grenade...no, she needs a LOT of gas grenades)

Last edited by esercito sconfitto, 10/16/2009, 7:42 pm

10/16/2009, 7:40 pm

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prototype001
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Re: "sleep away camp " by prototype001

Hi there Esercito sconfitto, and i have a bit of a problem you see, i can't seem to make an edited version of the story without wanting to make a whole new story all together so if you want i'm more than happy to give you the entire Sleep Away Camp story, since you know what to do with it, but if you don't want it then that is fine with me. emoticon